Social Question

isabella778's avatar

Is this friendship worth saving?

Asked by isabella778 (82points) March 23rd, 2018

Is this friendship worth saving? My best friend of 5+ years explained she cannot be close with me anymore as over the years she has been jealous of my other friends in my life and she always felt underappreciated. I have always been there for her, so this is totally unexpected.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

11 Answers

johnpowell's avatar

Yes.. Absolutely work on saving it.

If anything at least say you are there for her when she gets to a better place.

I’m forty years old and no good has ever came from making friendship a binary choice. They ebb and flow and once you write someone off it can be hard to admit you made a mistake and rebuild.

Feel free to distance yourself but no need to announce that you are no longer friends.

kritiper's avatar

You have always been there for her, and she wants more? Sounds like she might be beyond help. Let it go…

CWOTUS's avatar

Welcome to Fluther.

We’re your friends now. Finish her!

No, of course I’m kidding. But… that does seem to be a sort of manipulation that she’s pulling on you. It’s either “commit to me” or “give me more attention” or “drop those others” or “I’m needy and special (and therefore need more of whatever you’ve got for me)”.

If you want to maintain the friendship, she’s basically telling you that it’s going to take a lot more of something from you… or it’s a test of whether you will leave someone else to make her more of a priority. (It’s not so different, really, from an abusive husband who seeks to curtail his wife’s circle of friends and acquaintances and control more of her time and attention.)

So, while I have nothing in my life to have ever compared this to – so I have no adequate frame of reference on this – my inclination would be to express sorrow that the relationship will be “put to pasture” (not “put down”, let’s not be extreme), but since it’s her choice to pull away, then let her go gracefully, and keep the door open to a return.

Zaku's avatar

Just going off what you wrote, you consider her your best friend in recent years, you consider yourself willing to “be there for her”, she says she’s been feeling jealous and underappreciated and is talking to you about it… that sounds like unless there are other things about it, that it’s generally a positive relationship you both value but that needs more attention and communication, which you both say you’re willing to give, so I’d tend to give it more attention and communication and see what happens.

elbanditoroso's avatar

Sounds like she already decided. What you want is moot.

Patty_Melt's avatar

Some people need attention in different ways than most.
She reached out to you. That is a good, healthy approach.
Sometimes just an occasional small thing can make a huge difference. If you shared a secret with her, and no one else, it would let her feel special. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, just something between the two of you.
A few small gestures like than could make a big difference for her, without requiring much effort on your part.
A comment can be very endearing. If you say, I saw such and such the other day. It made me think of you.
Sometimes we overlook these little simple gestures, without realizing, and it can make people feel so much more valued.

janbb's avatar

@Patty_Melt I like your ideas. If she means something to you as a friend still and it sounds like she does, see if you can get at the root of her dissatisfaction and improve the friendship.

marinelife's avatar

I would think long and hard about this before acting. It sounds from your description like it is totally her problem: “she has been jealous of my other friends in my life and she always felt underappreciated. I have always been there for her”.

I think that you should tell her that she is being silly, and needs to look at herself. Why would she be jealous of your other friends? No one person can meet all of another’s needs.

I would definitely step back from her a little bit.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Wow. Well, you have other friends. I’d just call her bluff. If she really likes you she’ll come back.

AshlynM's avatar

If she is really your friend, she wouldn’t abandon you. If you see something worth saving, then save it. Otherwise, time to let go.

LornaLove's avatar

It’s up to you. Personally, I’d read that as clingy, however, I don’t know her and I don’t know you. I’d let her go I’m not into people claiming stakes to how I behave and how many friends etc., I have. That sounds a little too borderline to me.

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther