Social Question

MooCows's avatar

How many men went to marriage counseling with their partners?

Asked by MooCows (3190points) March 25th, 2018

I am going to Christian marriage counseling but
my hubbie of 30 years thinks it is stupid. I have
learned alot about myself I didn’t realize and no
I don’t sit there and bash my husband I love him
I just want to make a somewhat stale marriage
better. Did you go with your wife…would you?
If your husband refuses to go should that tell you
something?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

8 Answers

elbanditoroso's avatar

@MooCows – I went with my wife,at her request.

She spent the time (multiple sessions over multiple weeks) belittling me and taking no responsibility for herself.

Since me, she has two additional divorces. The problem wasn’t me.

kritiper's avatar

I haven’t. I would. Otherwise it’s N/A.

anniereborn's avatar

I went for awhile with my ex husband. He participated, but it just really didn’t help us.

snowberry's avatar

If both partners are willing and you don’t have a bad counselor, it will help. If one in the partnership isn’t interested, the only person who will be helped is the one who cares.

I’m sorry, but I don’t see your marriage getting any better if he can’t see the point and only gives the exercises lip service. The benefit is that at least you will know it’s not your fault.

cookieman's avatar

My wife and I went together after a few years of marriage. I had some stuff to work out and she came for support. It was helpful for us until it wasn’t, so we stopped going.

We’ve also been to individual counseling off and on over the years for different things.

I think it generally works well, but you have to be clear on what you’re trying to accomplish.

zenvelo's avatar

I went with my ex. It was my idea. The therapist reinforced my belief that my ex was toxic.

janbb's avatar

I went with my Ex several years before we split up but it didn’t help that much ultimately. We were just two different people even though we respect each other.

JLeslie's avatar

I brought my husband along for therapy twice during our marriage. One time was early on, and I was having very bad health issues (nothing life threatening) and I don’t think my husband really wanted to come, but he did. I barely remember what we talked about, but what I remember clearly was my next session my therapist told me how great she thought my husband was. I remember being surprised she said it.

The second time was just a year ago. I asked him to go, because I feel like our communication skills have been way off the last few years. I constantly feel like I don’t know what he wants or what he’s feeling. I never felt like that the 20 years of marriage before this time. During the session he cane right out saying he felt the session was a waist of time, and he talked about the pressure he was under. I really wish we could have gone to three or four more sessions, but I realized he didn’t understand my confusion, and that because of his current stress level he just can’t work on our marriage right now. The therapist seemed very empathetic towards him, which I found interesting and useful.

I don’t mind that we have a lot of tension the last few years, it’s been a time of great change, disappointment, and stress, as long as his commitment to the marriage is still strong. One thing that troubles me is he does mind a lot. He tends to be idealistic about life, and idealistic is unrealistic in my opinion. I do think he feels commuted though, but it has been a trying time.

In conclusion, I can’t speak for my husband, but my perception is if someone “doesn’t see the point” in therapy, it isn’t very productive.

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther