Social Question

isabella778's avatar

Will he come around?

Asked by isabella778 (82points) March 28th, 2018

Hi Fluther! I am in a situation in which I have no idea what to do. 3 months ago my best friend confessed he was in love with me. I turned him down because I decided to give my ex of over a year a second chance. I had feelings for him at the time. My ex and I didn’t work out, and broke up one month after reconciling. Now, I realize I have feelings also for my best friend. However, now he is acting “hard to get” as he said I broke his heart when I rejected him and he needs time. Will he come around and give us a chance?!

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11 Answers

zenvelo's avatar

Give hm time, a lot of it. In the meantime, be open and friendly and cahrming with him, but don’t press him on getting in a arelationship.

He isn’t playing “hard to get”; he is protecting his feelings.

Zaku's avatar

I don’t know either of you but I’d tend to expect most guys in this situation would come around.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

He might, might not knowing you were just keeping him on the back burner for back up, if your first choice didn’t work out.
But most guys are super stupid when it comes to women, so give it and him time he probably might come around.

Darth_Algar's avatar

“Will he come around and give us a chance?!”

Why should he when you didn’t?

SQUEEKY2's avatar

She didn’t actually refuse him @Darth_Algar she just wanted him for back up in case her first choice failed.

isabella778's avatar

@SQUEEKY2 I didn’t have him as backup. I was not attracted to him until now.

Darth_Algar's avatar

So what’s different now? Why do you suddenly find him attractive now when you didn’t before?

chyna's avatar

Do you find him attractive now that he’s not interested in you?

Zaku's avatar

Seems to me I’ve been on both sides of this situation, and from those perspectives it doesn’t seem that weird or problematic, People can and do find multiple people attractive, even when they’re in committed relationships with other people, and choices of what to do are not just “who’s objectively more attractive to me?” If someone is still involved or unresolved in an existing relationship, then it can make sense to get that resolved before getting into a relationship with someone else, and that doesn’t have to mean that the later person needs to feel snubbed or second-choice by the person who was still involved with the previous person.

Inspired_2write's avatar

Well I hope not.
You need time to get over your ex and to learn more about yourself BEFORE entering in another relationship for the sake of loneliness
( mistaken assumption that to have someone /anyone is better than no one)which you may be trying to create with your friend there?
It shows fickleness and wavering behavior. Best to cool it for awhile and allow time to get over the loss of your Ex completely.
If after a time ( 6 months) and you still feel like connecting with him then be a friend first and take your time before he becomes your next Ex.
Basically learn more about yourself and what you really want , not what the other person wants and thus you try to fill that need for them.

kritiper's avatar

It doesn’t sound as if either of you are ready for each other and don’t really know how each of you feels. (Too needy! Too desperate! Both of you!) Better for you two to just remain friends. (And friends don’t do the nasty!)

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