General Question

alittlebitofeverything03's avatar

Should I just keep it this way and not stir the pot anymore or should I keep an eye on his actions/behavior?

Asked by alittlebitofeverything03 (97points) June 8th, 2018

To keep it short, my boyfriend was showing me some pictures of him, and when he was going through different albums I happen to see an album cover which had the picture of his ex wife,besides this picture they send text messages to each other/communicate on a regular basis (I really don’t know who starts the message or conversation) and he even sees her in person when she needs a favor from him, should I feel worried and concerned or not. He is a great person with me, treats me very nice, but I want him to forget about her and move on. I get they where married for quite some time (10 years) but they don’t even have kids together, so I don’t get all the communication between them. She is 58 and he is 46, I am 30.

Plus the worst is that yesterday we were together, and when we were going back home, he was checking his messages and he then tells me:’’ it was my ex wife she texted me that her car broke down’’ she is with a friend. and then when we got home he tells me:’’ let me call her’’ so he goes outside, why in the world would he not call her in front of me? you see this is what makes my head spin around, the other thing that I don’t get is, why the hell does she have to call him to tell him that? and the worst part is that he sometimes goes and caters to her needs (Obviously he did not that day ,he was with Me!!), I feel he is a fool for being way to nice, after a divorce most people usually don’t get this along, honestly I really don’t know what to do, if I just get it over with and have a conversation with him an tell him to forget his past and move on, I just cant keep swallowing my thoughts over and over. this has to stop or I am out. Why in the freaking world is he with me? if let’s say he still ha feelings for her? this does not make sense at all.

I talked to him about it and he understood, he seemed very sincere and told me he was really into me and he felt very good being with me and that if i did not like something that he was not going to do it anymore. that’s why he is buying this house so we can plan a life together. that if I left him he would be deeply hurt. I hope he is not telling a lie or something. To be honest he seemed sincere to my knowledge. He just highlighted that he felt bad for her because she is very alone and both of her parents died.

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10 Answers

zenvelo's avatar

Consider this: the fact that he has an amicable divorce from his ex is a sign that he is a decent, good man.

The two of them had a longstanding committed relationship; an amicable divorce does not diminsh his relationship with you.

elbanditoroso's avatar

I think there’s a more serious problem than yesterday’s events. You don’t trust him. Fundamentally, you don’t believe what he says. Everything else flows out of that. What happened yesterday is just the latest symptom or manifestation.

The guy has a history with her – 10 years or more. It’s unreasonable for him to wipe his brain and forget he ever knew her. He sounds like a decent guy, as @zenvelo wrote. So what if he texts with his ex-wife—you’re the one he comes home to.

I think that you’re overthinking this, or maybe trying to find problems that aren’t really there. Trust him, don’t look for reasons not to.

marinelife's avatar

They could just be friends. If you have reason to trust him and believe what he is telling you in general, then you should in this as well.

A lot of your fear is based on the unknown. Ask him if you can meet her. Then observe her behavior and his when they are together.

Tell him that you didn’t like him stepping outside to call her (why did he have to be alone when talking to her?) This whole situation could use a little sunshine. Next time he does her a favor, ask to go along for the ride.

They are probably still friends and she has gotten in the habit of calling on him. If she meets you, you will become real to her. If you go along for the ride, she will see that she is inconveniencing him.

His response when you talked to him about this was loving and everything one would want to hear. It would be a shame to ruin a great relationship with your own feelings of insecurity. If necessary, I would consider talking to a therapist, who can help you with your issues around this,

janbb's avatar

You’ve asked this same question here a number of times, I believe. What different answers are you hoping for than those you’ve already gotten?

chyna's avatar

You have asked about this situation many times here, correct? Look back at all the very good advice everyone has given you. If you have told him how you feel and he says he will stop but doesn’t, then, yes, he is lying to you. If it bothers you to this degree, go find someone else that can devote their full attention to you.

LadyMarissa's avatar

Not only have you asked this question over & over here, you’ve also asked it numerous times on another site.You always get the same advice; but, I assume that you’re hoping for a different outcome!!!

Either learn to TRUST this guy or LEAVE him. As I’ve told you before…you are going to run him off with all your INSECURITIES!!!

Unofficial_Member's avatar

“I talked to him about it and he understood”

End of discussion.

You have made him made a decision, what else can you expect from him? What’s left to do is to monitor his behavior to see whether or not he’s being truthful and constant with his promise.

LadyMarissa's avatar

@Unofficial_Member The problem is she lied to him & told him that it really doesn’t bother her when it’s driving her crazy; so, there will NEVER be a true end to the discussion until she learns to STOP letting it bother her!!! SHE is the only one who can fix this…WE can’t fix it for her!!!

Unofficial_Member's avatar

@LadyMarissa Could that be from her previous question? I didn’t follow all her questions. When she said that she has talked about it with him and he understood I take it that she has finally being honest about her feeling regarding the situation. I didn’t see any sentence that indicates that she’s been dishonest in handling her situation.

LadyMarissa's avatar

@Unofficial_Member Yes, this came from a previous question & it might not have been on Fluther. I’ve offered this girl my advice for over a year now between 2 sites. All she does is change the wording of her question & ask the same thing over & over & over again. I’m finding it interesting that the advice she’s receiving is almost identical no matter how she asks the question or who is responding.

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