General Question

Lonelyheart807's avatar

Why do people start going on about their issues when you are going through a hard time? Do they think that helps?

Asked by Lonelyheart807 (1448points) 1 week ago

I just got laid off from my evening job. I’m okay for a month or two, but after that am really going to have problems paying my bills. I was talking to a family member about it. Instead of trying to be encouraging, they started going on about all their bills coming up. Also, this:. Well, you’re birthday is coming up. You’ll get $20.00 for that.
Really? Really? Guess my problems are solved now.
Why can’t people just listen and not try to make it all about themselves?

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16 Answers

johnpowell's avatar

So pretty much you both have the same problem. And you think since you were first to complain about the same thing you own the sympathy.

canidmajor's avatar

They are empathizing, telling you about their similar issues to show that they understand and sympathize.

Lonelyheart807's avatar

I’m not saying everyone doesn’t have problems. I’m just saying, listen and don’t make it about you sometimes.

canidmajor's avatar

People naturally react the way I said. If you don’t want them to, ask them not to.

People tend to think it’s a give-and-take conversation unless you tell them otherwise.

MooCows's avatar

Their way of being sympathetic I believe or even better letting you know that they have no extra money so don’t get it in your head they could possibly help you out!

LadyMarissa's avatar

I’m sorry you lost your evening job!!! Since you should be good for about 2 months, I hope you find another evening job really soon!!!

I’ve never understood why people do that. When a woman announces that she’s pregnant, every woman she tells explains every horror story they’ve ever heard. It seems to be something that people can’t help but doing!!!

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

Not everyone has 18 charisma and 18 wisdom. Someone’s got to be at 3 each (low end). Humans are bult to encompass all abilities and skiĺls. It’s the human condition. For every brilliant person we have an idoit.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

@Lonelyheart807 It helps them to have someone else to talk about it with. They are making an attempt to empathize with you, tell you you are not alone and help themselves feel better. The stuff people carry with them below the surface is taxing on them. Misery loves company.

Lonelyheart807's avatar

It only adds to my burden, @ARE_you_kidding_me because it’s someone I care about.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

Sorry to hear it. It may be comforting to remember part of being a good human is sharing that burden with others, even if you are already carrying a heavy load. Nobody should have to do it alone but all too often that’s exactly what happens.

janbb's avatar

I do it sometimes and I do think it is wrong. I am trying to learn to listen and really empathize.

kritiper's avatar

Venting? Hell, yes!

Dutchess_III's avatar

I don’t know why they do that, but it’s frustrating as hell.

mrainer's avatar

It is very frustrating when that happens, but I think people just want to remind us that they have problems, too. They don’t do it subtly, though. I am sure I would drop a line or two about how I dealt with my problem(s) when someone tells me theirs. In fact, I have done this quite often,

We find it very annoying, yet cannot seem to stop.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I get it as “Oh, you think you have problems? Listen to this!!”

kritiper's avatar

Misery loves company. And “into every life a little rain must fall.” And you’re not the only one who gets rained on, cupcake!

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