General Question

Leanne15's avatar

My little sister wants to go with friends on a camping weekend.

Asked by Leanne15 (331points) August 7th, 2018

My little 6yr old sister got an invitation to go to a camping weekend with her friends but our parents say no but I think that’s harsh because the friends and their parents are responsible. I have told our parents that she should be allowed but they told me to stay out of parenting issues, do they have a point or am I right to protest their decision?

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33 Answers

janbb's avatar

There’s no right or wrong here and your parents get to ultimately decide. Only you know the relationship you have with your parents but I think it’s great that you stood up for your sister.. However, it’s not your decision so I would drop it after expressing your views. There may be factors that you aren’t aware of.

Yellowdog's avatar

@janbb said it best—some of the best advice I’ve read on Fluther.

My parents wouldn’t’ve allowed this unless they knew the parents really well. Yes, that is strict but not unreasonable, even though the trip as you describe it sounds perfectly safe. But janbb’s remarks are spot on.

flutherother's avatar

It’s disappointing for your little sister but it is of course up to your parents. They will know she is disappointed and it might be an opportunity to do something else she likes that weekend?

Leanne15's avatar

I am trying to find out what their reasons are so that I can maybe try and cheer my little sister up because she is taking a tantrum over this and it’s tough to see her so angry/upset :(.

chyna's avatar

You do realize they don’t owe you an explanation don’t you? It could be they just don’t want her to go.

Inspired_2write's avatar

She is an innocent child unaware of predators.
She can’t defend herself nor save herself if in any kind of danger.
Your parents would never forgive themselves for letting her go if a tragedy happened.
Wait until she is a little older and wiser to defend herself or save herself ( drown etc).

LadyMarissa's avatar

Not having ever met the friend’s parents, I cannot judge WHO is right or wrong. The best thing that I can tell you is that by law, your parents get the FINAL SAY!!! The other thing I can tell you is that the parents usually have MORE experience & can see things that a 15 y/o won’t even take into consideration!!! I know from what you’ve said that your parents depend on you to help raise your sister; however, In the end, THEY have the legal responsibility & the ultimate say over BOTH of you!!! The best that you can offer is your opinion for them to consider.

gorillapaws's avatar

@Leanne15 It’s possible that your parents have knowledge about the situation that you do not have access to and that they can’t or won’t share with you. Parents don’t always get it right either. It’s impossible for us to know if they’re just being over-protective or if they have good reasons for their decisions but they are choosing not to tell you what that is (perhaps for your protection).

Leanne15's avatar

But @gorillapaws, if I knew then maybe I could cheer sister up because, at the minute she is taking a tantrum, it’s lasted aong time, it’s not nice seeing my little sister like this :’(.

chyna's avatar

Perhaps your sister throwing tantrums is part of the reason they won’t let her go.

Leanne15's avatar

They just said that it’s nothing to do with tantrums, it’s just that they have heard that the weather is forecast to be unpleasant and they don’t trust her to dress appropriately, which probably means the issue about zipping her jacket.

Patty_Melt's avatar

You are learning now something lots of people struggle with when they become parents.
Sometimes the answer has to be no, and when that happens, someone you love will be disappointed.
It is hard. No loving parents want to disappoint their kids.
We don’t know what reasons your parents have, but they undoubtedly made their decision with everyone’s welfare in mind.
There are times in your life when someone you love will be hurting. There will be times that hurt comes from a choice you made; a choice you feel very certain is right.
It is a heartbreak. I understand your pain. Here is a truth that I hope will help you. You and your sister will get through this, and both of you will gain strength from it. That sounds like cop-out advice, like there are more fish in the sea, or things will look better in the morning.
It became real for me when my first baby was born. Every time he cried I would burn with anxiety. I wanted to take care of his needs well enough he didn’t need to cry.
The pediatrician told me it was a good thing, because the crying helped his tiny little lungs get stronger.

Watching your sister work through her disappointment hurts, but there will be times like this. The best thing you can do for her will come after she has worked through her disappointment, and calms down. Be caring and supportive, but without encouraging anger toward your parents. During her outburst, remain quiet and close by. That will help her calm down better than any bribes. In times of stress, all of us look for the strongest, sturdiest place we can find to take shelter.

Leanne15's avatar

@Patty_Melt, their reasons are because they have heard the weather forecast is not pleasant and they don’t trust my sister to dress herself appropriately, which to me suggests that they worry that she won’t zip her jacket up which would result in more washing for them.

LadyMarissa's avatar

@Leanne15 They may be telling you it’s all due to the weather forecast when the truth is they know something they don’t think you are ready to learn. I’m sure you think you’d understand no matter what; but the truth is that there are MANY things that you haven’t experienced just yet & you won’t have the same logical line of thought that your parents have!!!

The down & dirty answer is sometimes you just have to TRUST your parents even IF you feel they are wrong!!!

Adagio's avatar

@Leanne15 You don’t need to know why in order to comfort your sister. There are many situations in life where the question “why?” Is not answered and/or can be answered. I’m sure it is difficult seeing your little sister disappointed but don’t let the fact that you don’t know why your parents said no stop you from comforting her. She will survive and there will be plenty of other opportunities for her up ahead.

MollyMcGuire's avatar

You aren’t a parent. Just be a big sister.

LadyMarissa's avatar

You are a big sister who is expected to act like a parent until your parents want to exercise their option to be the real parent. I understand your reluctance to give up your parental position when you don’t understand their position. As @Adagio so eloquently explained, you don’t “have to” understand the reasons why in order to be able to offer comfort to your sister.

Even IF you were her parent, you’d NEVER be able to fix “all” her problems. This is one of those times where she needs to grow on her own. Be there for her…just do NOT tell her that your parents are wrong!!! Tell her that you don’t understand why they are against her going but you’re sure they have a good reason or tell her that they’re concerned about the weather. You can “support” your parents decision without actually “taking their side”!!!

IF you really want to be a good big sister, find something the 2 of you can do together to help keep her mind OFF what she is missing by not going camping!!! Take her to the mall, do her makeup or play dressup, play her favorite video game…just keep her occupied. I bet she’d prefer to spend some quality time with her big sister over going camping with a friend!!!

Inspired_2write's avatar

“if I knew then maybe I could cheer sister up because, at the minute she is taking a tantrum, it’s lasted a long time, it’s not nice seeing my little sister like this :’(.”

Walk away from temper tantrums or she will escalate the tantrum on purpose until she gets her way.
Do not give in to that. Tell her she can be upset but not to that point of behavior that is disruptive
I think that is little girl at 6 years of age has already learned how to manipulate through throwing tantrums.
What works for her in the past she will repeat until she gets her way.

Are the parents not disciplining her properly?
Not YOUR job to handle adult parent duties.
Tell her to talk to parents and leave you out of it.
Let parents handle by no bribes but honesty and respect for parents and rules of the household. That is the only way she will learn to behave better.

By the way this little girl know exactly what effect she has on YOU and her parents.

If SHE CAN make a situation intolerable enough to get what she wants she will.

Stop showing her THAT YOU are upset..she is using that as leverage.

Walk away and live your own life without this drama.

When left alone she will soon discover that no one likes her this way and hopefully she will change for the better.

Patty_Melt's avatar

My oldest tried a tantrum once when he was two.
He went full on, laid on the floor kicking and screaming, red face. I just sat there calmly and said “Mommy don’t play that.”
He got up, hugged me, and told me he was sorry. Funniest thing I ever saw.

Leanne15's avatar

@inspired_2write, I think my parents are soft on my sister so you could say that they are not disciplining her properly yes.

Dutchess_III's avatar

How well do they know the other parents? Is it possible they know something you don’t know, and they don’t want to tell you?

Leanne15's avatar

@Dutchess_III they know the parents and kids very well.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Well, it’s their call. Sorry. Although I find it odd that they don’t trust the people to keep her properly dressed.

Leanne15's avatar

It’s my sister their worried about, they feel silly asking them to zip her jacket everytime they go out.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I know it’s your sister. I find it odd that they don’t trust the other adults to keep the child appropriately dressed.

Leanne15's avatar

As parents said to me, “the parents of the friends are not going to zip up the jacket when its not their child”. Strange comments as I’m sure they would.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Do you have this jacket fetish, or do your parents?

KNOWITALL's avatar

Help her do something constructive like write a list of reasons why it’s a good idea. No confrontation, but she gets the hope of changing their minds. Then it’s over.

Leanne15's avatar

@KNOWITALL, I never thought of that.

Leanne15's avatar

Mom finally told me the real reason and its a good job I did not tell my sister, its because mom has a surprise day out lined up :). Its is sisters birthday tomorrow so that is why the surprise has been organised.

LadyMarissa's avatar

See, that’s WHY you should trust your parents when they are suddenly insistent on a particular subject!!!

This will also show your lil sister how silly her tantrums really are. Whatever you do, do NOT slip & spoil your sister’s surprise!!!

Leanne15's avatar

Sister is delighted she did not get to go on camping weekend because her, mom, me and a few of her friends went to their first football match, Dundee against Aberdeen which Aberdeen won so that made her day.

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