General Question

alittlebitofeverything03's avatar

Should I confront him about this or should I let it go if we talk normally again?

Asked by alittlebitofeverything03 (97points) August 10th, 2018

So I have been a little upset this week, because my boyfriend of 7 months, which is older than me (he is 46) I am 30, has not text me this whole week, on Tuesday he just send me a video through Whatsapp, I rather a ’‘Hi my love’’, not a video.

He likes to send me videos that his friends send him, sometimes funny, society, science etc, the one he sent me was more about people interactions in Asia or something like that, I was annoyed cause I was expecting a message, so obviously since it was a video I did not reply, I just felt like meh, whatever.

I want to mention that this man has been very good to me, he has been very giving, loving, attentive, have details, etc. His family came like 2 weeks ago and I met his mother, aunt and stepdad, his mother liked me a lot.

This past weekend I stayed over his new bought house(which needs a lot of fixing and has him somewhat stressed) and everything was fine, we went out, had fun, I cooked for him.
He is worried about the amount of money he has to put in this house to fix it, but he already found someone who is going to help him with some things for way cheaper. He also needs to find a person to rent an efficiency that the home has (they build the garage as an efficiency) to help him with the monthly mortgage, so he wouldn’t be that tight.My boyfriend has a good job, that pays him well, but it’s way too much money he has to invest in the home, so it’s not enough.He has his hands kind of full now with his new house.

I don’t know if something is wrong, and he got mad that I did not reply to the video, which is silly cause you don’t reply to a video, I do admit that I like him to always initiate contact, I have this issue from a long time, that I feel better when the man initiates contact, maybe he is mad that I never text him first?

Or he does not feel the same way. I know he has been getting online on his Whatsapp, maybe not a lot, but he has been on it. I don’t know what to think.what do you guys think?

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27 Answers

chyna's avatar

There is no way for us to know. It would just be a guess on our part. You need to ask him why he hasn’t been contacting you and then you will know for sure and can have a conversation about it. Instead of texting why not call and talk person to person. That way you won’t read into it things that he did or did not mean in a text.

elbanditoroso's avatar

It sounds to me like the guy is busy, for all of the reasons you described. I think you are being petulant for no good reason – you are inventing problems where none exist.

Don’t nag, don’t be sour. Right now he has other things to deal with, like a new house. Although you are important to him, he has other things going on in his world.

LadyMarissa's avatar

I think that you’re overthinking this. You say he’s stressed over buying his new house; so, maybe he’s spending his time trying to de-stress & also trying to come up with other ways to make enough money to cover his mortgage. He might be putting his time into finding the renter you mentioned or working with the friend who is helping to save him some money. I suggest that you don’t become one of those petty, clingy girlfriends!!!

In my eyes, the fact that he sent you the video says he was “thinking about you”. Maybe he wasn’t as romantic as you prefer he be; but he thought about you enough to want to “share” part of his day with you!!!

alittlebitofeverything03's avatar

@LadyMarissa The video is a reforwarded video, he could send it to whoever he wants, of course the ones he I don’t know if that means that he was thinking about me.
maybe he did not like the fact that I did not reply anything, I don’t know.

I just feel weird, cause I am used to him, sending me something through out the week.

alittlebitofeverything03's avatar

@elbanditoroso He got the house about a month ago, but his family came from abroad to see him and see the new home. so it’s been difficult for him to focus on the home, and now that they left, he has to put work on the home, which means money, time, etc, whatever he can do to the house to save money he will do it himself.

The thing is that I want us to spend time on the weekends, he can work on the home, on weekends, for some time and then he can go out with me, otherwise when are we going to hae time for each other? this is what bothers me and scares me, that he will be to caught with the house, and forgets about us. He is an adult (47) he should know this.

janbb's avatar

Why not respond to the video with something positive about it? He was contacting you in a way that he felt like doing it at the moment; you sound like you are trying to control him.

LadyMarissa's avatar

@alittlebitofeverything03 I often reforward videos to friends & family. I don’t send them to people for whom I have NO feelings…just to those I care about. During those times that my life gets really BUSY, it’s my way of saying I’m thinking about you & I’ll be more attentive once I get my life back under control!!!

STOP acting like a silly little girl or you’re going to set yourself up to do something stupid that you’ll regret in the future!!!

Dutchess_III's avatar

7 months is about the time the first blush of infatuation wears off and you don’t feel the desire to touch base with that person every 15 minutes!
I agree with @chyna. You need to ask him. And be prepared to lend a sympathetic ear.

Inspired_2write's avatar

Wow, I smell a set up for you!
Watch out when men go for younger women especially 17 years apart!
And the fact that you Love to cook for HIM is setting you up for a future housemaid/wife (maybe) ??
If he is busy, why aren’t you busy with YOUR Goals other than being someones Girlfriend or Wife???
Get onto YOUR plans by yourself such as Education.Travel,exploring the wide world of possibilities such as Art,Photography,Languages etc
Learn something new to occupy immerse yourself into interests that could develop for you, other wise you are selling yourself very short going for a man 17 yrs older who will subjugate you into being his housemaid and watch out id he wants you to move in!
Look for someone YOUR OWN age and interests and remember that of course a 47 yr old would love to have a much younger girlfriend ( better to push around easier)!
The reason he gets angry as to why you did not answer…..Because he thought that you may find a more suitable partner than this older man.In 10 years he will be 57 Yrs old and you 40 yrs old. Do the math in so many yrs down the road YOU will be saddled with an old man.As for confronting him confront yourself with the truth of this match.
Let him know that YOU have interests too and Plans for Your future. Take courses or classes in whatever interests that you would like to do for yourself.
Your interest should Not be fixing his house so that when it finished he will turf you out.

MollyMcGuire's avatar

While I don’t read long narratives describing a simple question, the answer is that if his actions or inactions bother you, you need to talk to him about it. This is known as honesty in a relationship. Be honest about the big things and the little things.

chyna's avatar

You could offer to help him with his house. Not only would you be spending time with him, you could learn a lot about repairing households.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I just reread the question. You start out rather combative with the word “confront.” You’ll get better results, I think, if you just ask, rather than confronting.

Patty_Melt's avatar

Men are not robots. They have their own thoughts, feelings, and ways of doing things.

If his way does not suit you, maybe you need a man who will follow a script for you.

You are nit picking. I am thinking he could do better.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I don’t know if she’s nit picking, or he’s sending conflicting messages. If he was in regular consistent contact before, and suddenly he isn’t, that’s a sign of something changing.
Honestly, if it was me, I’d cut the guy lose.

elbanditoroso's avatar

Is this the same guy you asked about back in April?

If it is, it looks you ignored our advice back then.

raum's avatar

From your writing style, you seem much younger than 30. Have you tried dating people who are younger versus older?

If you’re going to date an adult, you’re going to have to get used to the idea that they are busy doing adult things like balancing family and managing property.

Kardamom's avatar

Wow! I just read the previous question. That is way too much drama to have in a relationship.

The OP and her boyfriend were only together for 2 months at that time. Now they have been together for 7 months and it appears that they never did have any serious heart to heart talks about what is important to both of them, where the boundaries should be, how to deal with the “other people” involved in this relationship, or even where the current relationship stands, or where it is heading in the future.

The only thing that will help this situation, is for the OP to have a serious, but non-confrontational conversation with her boyfriend.

I see red flags with the age and maturity differences of the couple. They are not in the same place in their lives, and their priorities seem to be different, and there is a decided lack of communication between them.

LadyMarissa's avatar

I joined Fluther in April & she was asking the exact same Q’s on another Q&A site at the time & the responses were very similar to here. She didn’t listen then & she’s not listening now; so, I don’t think this relationship is going to get much better & I think they BOTH enjoy where it’s going!!!

LostInParadise's avatar

Explain how you feel to your boyfriend. Don’t “confront”. That is too accusatory. Simply explain that you feel hurt when he does not communicate with you. Even with the work on the house, there should be able to set aside some time to be with you.

alittlebitofeverything03's avatar

@LostInParadise exactly, this poor guy, is reckless with everything going on, his house,work, the amount of things he has to do to the house.etc, I just felt a weird vibe on why he did not text me throughout this whole week, he only sent a video on Tuesday and that is it, I was bummed, I know he has a lot of things going on. but seriously I did not like that at all. I feel, like he is too concentrated on his things and is leaving me behind. I don’t want to live like this.
by his age he should know better.

janbb's avatar

@alittlebitofeverything03 TBH, it sounds like by yours, you have a lot of learning to do.

Dutchess_III's avatar

When someone really cares for a person they’re usually in contact at least once a day. To go a week and only get some sappy video…well, it sounds to me like he’s just keeping you on the line for his convenience, while he goes on with his life.

Patty_Melt's avatar

He has a job, and an investment which is a hands in project. His family has just left, and, no matter how much they are loved, visiting family always poses its own unique issues and is draining. The man has his hands full.
My guess is he is only hooked up right now at all so he can have someone handy whenever he gets a breather.
Once he has things in more manageable terms, he will be looking for someone more mature.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Alittlebit Guys at his age dont magically read minds.You said it twice here that he ‘should know’. Maybe he loves you and is doing this for YOU and you’re being a brat? Talk to him like a rational adult and see whats up. Text him and say Love you busy guy, maybe a sexy pic haha, he wont forget you then!

Kardamom's avatar

I have to agree with @KNOWITALL that men (and women) are not mind readers. You have to discuss things with people. All people have different priorities, all people have different needs, all people have different tolerances for all sorts of things.

So far, you have failed to have a meaningful conversation with your boyfriend about the things that are important to both of you, and how to have balance in your relationship. Until you do that, things are pretty much doomed to get worse.

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