Social Question

gigibrown's avatar

Is it time to end things?

Asked by gigibrown (26points) August 20th, 2018

In December, the guy I am currently dating asked me to be with him. However, at the time, I was dating my ex. My ex and I broke up in January. In March, I told the guy I’m now dating I would like to give us a chance but we didn’t start dating until June.
I recently discovered he started dating his ex again in April but it didn’t last, only for a month. He never told me anything. When him and I met, they had broken up in August. But he has said they’ve been on and off since last year.
I’m extremely hurt that he went back to her in April after in December when he told me he wanted to be with me, I felt his ex is someone in the past.
Is it time for me to leave? I feel I end up getting hurt, that they would always go back together. I asked him if he still had feelings for her, he said “not really”. I said that means you do and he said no and that I don’t have to worry about anything.
I can’t just NOT worry. They’ve been together for 4 years and they are both 6–7 years older than me. Plus they see each other often as they work in the same field and has mutual friends. He said I don’t have to worry as it was their mutual agreement to end the relationship as it just isn’t worth trying anymore. I find it hard to believe as he went back to her in April when he said he won’t months before that.
Any advice would be appreciated.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

11 Answers

Inspired_2write's avatar

I would say yes as the same will happen to you perhaps if you stay with him He seems to have a go between woman when he breaks up?
Not a good track record, as he is using you.
Go your own way and forget him no matter how much he pleads.( and he will).

Adagio's avatar

You did a pretty good job of counselling yourself. I think your instinct is right on the button when it tells you it’s not a road to travel down any further.

elbanditoroso's avatar

Don’t prolong it. The message is clear. He is history.

Pinguidchance's avatar

No, it’s not time to drop him.

Kardamom's avatar

It sounds like this fellow still has feelings for his ex, and/or he uses her as a “backup” girlfriend for when he is in between relationships.

He is not mature enough, despite his age, nor is he ready for, an exclusive relationship with you or anyone else.

Time to cut him loose.

snowberry's avatar

If he cheated once, he’ll cheat again.

Patty_Melt's avatar

I think the real question is what kind of cat to get. There are just so many exes.

rojo's avatar

Something to consider (before buying a cat) is the time frame. You let it be known you were out there in March but the two of you did not start dating until June. In the interim (April at least) he and his ex got back together for some amount of time. Remember, he and his ex do have a history and four years to get to know each other. There is a level of comfort between the two of them even now.

I think it odd that he would not start dating you right away in March but I think that he was hoping he and his ex would get back together and was actively working on it at that time (purely hypothetical on my part). By June he had reached the conclusion that it would not work out again and then felt free to start dating you.

I would take a look at where you are wanting this to go. From my perspective he did not cheat on you. He asked in December, you said no. You asked in March but nothing came of it until June. What he did in the interim was his business, not yours. Would you have preferred he date both you and her? If he has only been with you exclusively since June I would say that it is up to you to decide what you want. He was, as far as we know, monogamous with his ex and now with you so…..

I understand your feelings of insecurity and can even see the justification for them but these things don’t solve themselves. If it bothers you and could come between you then you owe it to him and to yourself to sit down and talk about what is going on inside your head and with your mutual relationship.

Try that and see where it goes from there. From my point of view better to know even if the news in not what I want to hear than to live with uncertainty and fear. You can deal with whatever comes your way. It is just easier if you are prepared for it beforehand.

KNOWITALL's avatar

I think you should give him up.

Sometimes there is a chemistry between two people that they can’t escape, a simpatico that soothes their soul like no one else can.

Sounds to me as if they will end up together, or making others (like YOU) miserable until they realize that.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

No one can answer that question for you. Only you can decide.

If you are looking for advice, mine is to to sit down with this person privately and be honest about how you feel.

One factor to consider: he wasn’t seeing you while also seeing his ex, if I have the months right. It sounds as if he just never told you that they got back together for a short period. Perhaps he didn’t see a need to mention it.

On one hand, it could be viewed as a good thing that he gave the old relationship another shot, just to be sure that they made the right decision. It’s not that uncommon. On the other hand, who knows?

The thing is, it doesn’t sound like he was unfaithful; he just didn’t update you on this directly. Either you trust his faithfulness and give it a chance or end it now.

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther