Social Question

wthappens's avatar

Female Colleague(29) used me (26M) to get her husband(32M) jealous.How do I pull out?

Asked by wthappens (7points) 3 weeks ago

For a background , me and her work at the same place and we text a lot.I happened to be a very good looking guy and am used to female friendship, even though I,m not the one to start it.

So, seemingly we became good friends and visited her home after she invited me as a friend from work.Hubby was there and we both hit it off well.Over time we used to hang out together and he keeps describing to me how beautiful she is and how smart she is and stuff like that.On the other hand she constantly puts him down or have arguments in front of me.

Slowly I started playing along and started flirting with her in front of her hubby, she responds in kind and he sits there doing nothing.Both of them like me, and he keeps inviting me home. But I feel hes sidelined and I dont want to hurt an innocent guy, as they keep arguing in front of me and she ends up speaking with me more than him and he sits in a corner brooding.

So, am planning to not hang around with them anymore.How do i decline being invited to hang around?, because she keeps texting me about coming home and taking her and her hubby out and he seems to not mind being the invisible person in the conversation.

Also, Is this a common phenom with good looking guys and avg couples being friends and the couple shares their issue with this third person?.Something like a mid life crises?.

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13 Answers

rebbel's avatar

“Thank you for the invitation, but I politely decline.
These visits to you confuse me greatly, and I feel like my presence is troubling the relationship you two have.”

josie's avatar

Pull out?
Hmm…

ucme's avatar

Timing, it’s all about the timing.
Personally speaking though, it would take a herd of wild stallions to pull my arse in the opposite direction when on the cusp of ejaculation but then…that’s not your point so…

KNOWITALL's avatar

You feel weird because it is weird. Either she wants you, or wants you to join in, or you are a pawn in their game. Your call but I’d tell her its too weird. If the marriage ends you dont want to be on court docs as the other man.

chyna's avatar

So to recap: you joined in with a friend to make her husband, who is also a friend, feel like shit about himself.
Stop talking to both of them. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.
You should, however, rethink how you treat your friends.

janbb's avatar

I think you fairly innocently got caught up in their drama. Maybe you have to tell her that you’re uncomfortable being in the position of a single guy and don’t think it’s fair to anyone and you are planning to detach.

elbanditoroso's avatar

She didn’t use you – you voluntarily participated, up to the point that you got uncomfortable. You were not ‘used’ – you chose to play the game. So don’t blame anyone but yourself.

That said, if you are uncomfortable, then say so, and leave. Be an adult.

kritiper's avatar

Disconnect and disengage. Obviously, she can’t be trusted enough to be a friend. And women as friends with men is trouble enough.

janbb's avatar

Not all third party friendships to a couple are intentionally set up to cause jealousy. Sometimes they can be used to add mental or emotional stimulation. I wouldn’t judge your colleague too harshly but I would move away from the situation.

flutherother's avatar

Wear a Halloween mask until they forget how astonishingly good looking you are.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@flutherother HAHA, good one….

Jeruba's avatar

It sounds to me like they have a game going, maybe one that they’ve used before, and they both want you to play. Some people would go along, and that’s up to them (“consensual”). I don’t like the sound of it, and if you don’t either, it’s up to you to get out. You don’t have to explain; you just have to be unavailable.

Patty_Melt's avatar

Well, I see you have some great answers here.

Good luck saying no.

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