General Question

fjanick's avatar

Second date or not ?

Asked by fjanick (6points) August 21st, 2008

On a date, if a person didn’t say that much, looked around the restaurant and over their shoulder a few times during the dinner, gave short one line answers to your questions (which you only asked to keep the conversation going),didn’t really do much to keep the conversation going and appeared nervous and uneasy for most of the evening, would you meet that person again for a second date or would you just leave things at that and not ask the person again ?

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41 Answers

poofandmook's avatar

No… just let it go.

emt333's avatar

based on your recap this person does not sound like second date material.

loser's avatar

Sounds like you didn’t have a good time observing and experiencing all of this. Would you really want to go through an evening like that again?

Emilyy's avatar

Sounds like your second date would probably just be as awkward as the first. What would be in it for you?

RandomMrdan's avatar

it seems as though that person wasn’t comfortable…I suppose it couldn’t hurt to see if the person would act differently in a different type of place…I say try it one more time, and if it’s the same thing over again….don’t go out on a third.

RandomMrdan's avatar

maybe the person takes a second date to warm up a bit? I vote for a second date.

wrestlemaniac's avatar

i’d say a second date get to know the person first, it might be a good thing.

NecroKing's avatar

i’d drop em like it hot, drop em like it’s hot (song)

emt333's avatar

if you are even asking the question there must be some reason you are intrigued by this person. if this seems like someone you might want in your life give them a second chance. there might have been something going on during the first date that had nothing to do with you.

wrestlemaniac's avatar

if you care about this person, second date em.

wundayatta's avatar

If you are still interested in the person (and what reason do you have to still be interested?), then I think there is a possibility that this person is uncomfortable in social situations, for whatever reason (could have ADD, or Aspergers). Then it would be worth having a second and third date to see if they relax, or become more open. If they do have ADD, a date where there are few distractions would be better than a noisy restaurant.

Once I interviewed a potential employee. She was totally off. No eye contact. Very nervous. Not really answering questions. I checked her references very carefully, and talked to them for a long time. I did this, because her resume looked great, and I couldn’t understand how she could be so great on paper, and so lousy in the interview.

Based on my research, I hired her. Well, she’s the hardest working employee I’ve ever had. But, she does have ADD, and, it turns out, she hadn’t gotten any sleep the night before the interview. So, I think it is worth investigating people you are interested in when things just don’t make sense. There might be a good reason for their behavior, or you might find that the good stuff isn’t what you thought it was.

trumi's avatar

Remember Goodfellas. Maybe they are preoccupied by something?

NecroKing's avatar

Wrestle has Aspergers syndrome.

wrestlemaniac's avatar

oh thanks, well don’t forget ADHD too

poofandmook's avatar

Necro, wtf does that have to do with anything?

wrestlemaniac's avatar

i know, didn’t you notice the sarcasm in my type?

NecroKing's avatar

just thought i would mention it when daloon mentioned it.

poofandmook's avatar

@Trumi: Henry ended up cheating on her and then she held a gun to his face.

trumi's avatar

@Poof; Its not the perfect example….

poofandmook's avatar

LOL Trumi I know but it was pretty funny.

wundayatta's avatar

A colleague of mine who is an ADHD researcher told me that ADD is the same thing as ADHD, only without the H. That’s not really a joke. The two things are the same, but some folks have hyperactivity in addition to the attention deficits.

marinelife's avatar

Why would you want a second date? if someone treated me like that, I would not want to spend more time with them. There are a lot of people to date.

Dating is supposed to be about making connection and having fun. It does not sound like date one was any of those things.

If the person is really interested in you, they can call you, right? If they do, I would ask what was going on before suggesting a second date. I would only suggest that second get together if they called you and said something like, “I really liked you, but I was awfully nervous. Will you give me another chance?”

Good luck.

babygalll's avatar

That is the worst feeling.

I’d let it go. Move on…

NecroKing's avatar

Cold be hearth and heart and bone, cold be travelers far from home.

gailcalled's avatar

Wrestle and Necro:hese pithy but meaningless little aphorisms belong in your novel and not here, please.—And I hope you have a copy editor somewhere, waiting to be awakened with a kiss.

NecroKing's avatar

Can you translate that please?

EmpressPixie's avatar

I’d give them a call, see what was up: was the atmosphere uncomfortable or were they just not interested. I’m very shy and have heard no end of ribbing from my now boyfriend and his roommate about my awkward behavior at the beginning of our courtship (for lack of a better word).

NecroKing's avatar

Damn, your a smart girl, I give credit to you, I would’ve just dumped her in the beginning.

wrestlemaniac's avatar

You spelled You’re wrong, and anyway I would do as you suggested, but i would let her choose the place to go, instead of me i’m a gentleman.

gailcalled's avatar

Edit= “These”.

@Wrestle; your grammar and spelling are fine. You just run on all your sentences so they are hard to understand.

wrestlemaniac's avatar

Sorry about that.

Poser's avatar

I sat through a date like that. I couldn’t get her home fast enough. Then she sent me a text message after I dropped her off saying she was hoping I would’ve kissed her. I didn’t get it, because she barely said five sentences to me all night. I didn’t call her back.

sweets's avatar

I would certainly give the person another chance if you are attracted to the person (emotionally, spiritually as well as physically). There are a lot of reasons that first dates don’t go well, not the least of which is nerves. I may just ask the person if they were particularly nervous and if they feel more comfortable now. Who knows, you may have a great conversation based on an honest response to that. Maybe the person will not accept your invitation for a second date…..maybe there was just awkwardness all the way around and it will end up being a moot point. However, wouldn’t you hate to find out that this person truly is a wonderful soul and you lost the chance to know that??

charliecompany34's avatar

boring. next caller.

flameboi's avatar

one more chance, pls! just because we all deserve a second though

gailcalled's avatar

My father was a shoe salesman when he was working his way thru law school. He said, “If the shoe doesn’t fit in the store, leave it there.”

jca's avatar

i would bring it up to the person, just out of curiosity, to see what they say. maybe they have a real problem with being shy. it couldn’t hurt to ask them whassup with the way they acted.

Randy's avatar

Some people are shy. When I first meet someone, I’m not much of a talker. This person could just be the same way. Go for a second date but try to make it laid back. Comfy is the way to go. Make this person feel relaxed and see how it goes. If the same scenero goes down, then it’s probably time to move on.

cak's avatar

If you are asking the question, it makes me think that maybe you want to try a second date.

I wouldn’t jump to decisions about medical issues, she might have just been nervous or, maybe she just wasn’t that into you.

Generally, I was terrible on first dates, too nervous. When I went on my first date with my husband – it was different, we laughed and talked, then entire time. There was just a comfort level that was different with him. Somehow, I didn’t feel uncomfortable and didn’t feel like a complete dork!

Mr_M's avatar

If YOU want a second date with the person, then call her and ask for the second date. If she says “yes”, then you say “I’m happy but surprised to hear that because the last time we went out it seemed like…”
If she says “no”, then you can say, “I thought that might be the answer because the last time we went out it seemed…

Did the thought occur to you that she may have been nervous because she saw someone at the place she knew and, for whatever reason, didn’t expect that person to be there and was worried about something that person might say if she saw her there?

Unless I held a gun to the girl’s head to get the first date originally, or unless it was a blind date, I’d want to know what happened to turn her off. But that’s me.

punkrockworld's avatar

If he aint gonna love you the way he should then let it gooo
There was no spark? Noooo not again

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