How do I get my boyfriend back after I cheated?

Be honest. You cheated on him twice, not once. That sort of takes away the “I didn’t mean it” excuse. Once maybe, but not twice.

Nothing you can do proactively. You need to wait for him to warm back up to you – and it’s possible he may never do so. You should be your normal self; don’t cloy, don’t beg, don’t be a jerk—just be yourself. Act as you did BEFORE you cheated the first time. And maybe if you are lucky he’ll be attracted to you again. And maybe he won’t.

Final observation: if you’re getting drunk at age 17, you have more serious problems than losing a guy.

You don’t. You learn a hard lesson about monogamy and communication.

First of all, HE didn’t devastate you, YOU did by your behavior.

You might be able to repair this IF you write him handwritten note of sincere apology, and let him know that if he wishes to reconcile with you, you will be faithful. And after that,it is all up to him, and no more communication initiated by you. You passed the chance to be the one to restart the relationship.

Imagine the devastation he felt.
This is about him, more so than about you (the being devistated).
No matter the beautiful and loving months followed that second betrayal, they don’t mean anything any longer to him (since he thought you were done cheating on him after that initial one).
I can imagine this not going to be repairable.

First thing that you need to understand is that you did NOT make a “silly little mistake”...especially the 2nd time!!! You said that you thought it wouldn’t get out. You felt it was OK to cheat as long as he didn’t KNOW IT!!!

I’ll forgive anybody once for an error in judgement; however, they do NOT get a 2nd forgive!!! He’d be a FOOL to forgive you yet again!!! I’d say that you probably won’t have much success in him forgiving you yet AGAIN. IF you can’t be HONEST with him, just don’t WASTE his time!!!

I lived with a couple once. He was a couple years younger than she was and when they met, he fell head over heals in love with her. He was great looking and one of the nicest guys you could hope to meet. They were together for a few months and she dumped him like a sack of potatoes to have a fling with some other guy who then treated her like shit and dumped her. He was hurt very badly. When she came back asking for a second chance he said okay, but things were going to be different. He went out when he wanted to (but really only with the guys…I never knew him to sleep with another woman) and had a hard time fully letting her back into his heart. She accepted that and put up with it, hoping that eventually he would warm back up to her like he was in the beginning. I moved in with them a year or so after they got back together. They got along okay, but it was an odd relationship. She told me what had happened and what she was doing.
I don’t know that she will ever get him back the way he was…I think she hurt him too bad for that. But she may get him for a long, long time. But she will have to accept a new normal in their relationship.
So here is the thing…do you want to get back together with him after this? He has been hurt. He has been humiliated. He may take you back but it might be a really long time before he trusts you again. And trust is one of the keys to a healthy relationship. You might be better off taking his as a painful life lesson and move on. Work on getting him back as a friend since he sounds like he was someone you cared about. But remember…the more you give up to make him happy, you may be setting yourself up to be unhappy. If you are really looking to get back with him, throw yourself on the sword. Tell him everything. Tell him of both indiscretions. Don’t expect forgiveness. Tell him you screwed up and why. I think first you need to fully understand the “why” here, though. Tell him you want to be back with him, but that it is his choice.

Give him a reason to trust you.
If it was me, I’d never take her back.

How would you feel if the situation was reversed? Would you take him back?

My first girlfriend dumped me because I insulted her in a dream. Maybe you shouldn’t want her/him back. You could find better so you can chalk the last one as life experience. Maybe you don’t want to fail and you don’t really want him/her back. I wasted 20 years trying to fix things with my university friends. Messed me up awhile. I don’t know what stage of grief that I am in. Denial, anger, bargaining, acceptance. I might have missed one. Your bf/gf might have to go through it as well as you before taking you back.

So you had a total of five months of having a good relationship with him sans cheating. The first cheating doesn’t really count imo. The second one does. It was already after a month so it seemed to indicate you two may not be a suitable match.

However…surprising it maybe though, the five months which followed proved you can be a great couple. That you two could have something special, something meaningful.

Your best chance of getting him is to be sincere in your apologies and remind him about the good things you have shared in those past five months. And then quit pursuing him. Hopefully he’ll forgive you. Good luck!

I missed depression. Its the second last stage.

You don’t unless he’s an idiot
We live and learn

He might forgive her; but, I bet he’ll NEVER forget what she’s done!!! Point being.even IF he does forgive her, it will NEVER be the same!!! Since she couldn’t be faithful while things were really good, she’s NOT going to remain faithful once he changes his focus back to himself!!!

It appears to me that all the comments here are negative about your personal situation. I, personally (no pun intended) am not a relationship guru and have not an advice to your problem, but I can tell you this: if he truly loves you, he’ll never be unfaithful, meaning that he will never search for another girl, and even if he does, it’ll be only a substitute, it’ll never be the same as you.

Errata corrige: all negative apart from seawulf575.

I have a different experience than what everyone here is saying will happen.

When Joseph and I first started dating, I found out 3 weeks in that he had cheated on me with his ex. I forgave him, like your boyfriend, because it was so early and honestly because I was so young, and so broken already. I trusted that he wouldn’t hurt me like that again.

Fast forward six months. I find out he’s done the same thing, with the same girl. We break up for 3 months. I’m devastated, but he’s been my friend since childhood and I don’t want to throw that away. I take some time to myself and we try to be friends, though we were honestly never very good at being friends at that point. We ended up getting back together, though I was so insecure in the relationship for a long time. He had betrayed my trust.

We fought constantly (though that was because he was still talking to the girl he’d cheated on me with) and looking back, I don’t honestly understand why I stayed. But I did. He needed to be afforded time to grow up, and I needed time to heal. It took years. I cried at night. I looked in his phone. I wanted him with me every second, so I knew he wasn’t doing anything like that again.

Like I said, I was insecure and had reason to be. And he was very new to relationships, having only had one short-term girlfriend, whereas I’d had a few long-term relationships.

This was a disaster. This was the dark point in our relationship that I don’t talk about often, because now? We’re stronger for it. I’m not saying I’m glad he did this, but we learned how to argue, and resolve arguments, and weather the worst together. He didn’t start out as someone I should have stayed with. Looking back on that, I would never advise anyone to stay. But I don’t regret a thing.

We’re six months married. We’ve been together since high school. People screw up. Sometimes more than once.

I’m not saying this will happen for you. It might not. Your boyfriend might not forgive you. All you can do to make amends is say you’re sorry. Be honest. And prove it. It will take time, if he chooses to give you a chance at all. You have to be patient, and understand that he won’t always trust you. He won’t always feel secure. He might want to see your phone, or he might not want you to go to parties without him, or see this other guy ever again.

You have to decide if you are willing to deal with the aftermath of your actions. And it’s up to him if he is willing to hear you out.