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Loadingcosta's avatar

Am I a loser?

Asked by Loadingcosta (92points) 1 week ago

Am I a loser? A little background about me. When I turned 23 years old, I got hired on with a fire department and at first, it was great, and I enjoyed my time there, but the issue was the pay. I never moved out of my parents’ house and I finally was able to pay for my first vehicle with this job that cost me roughly 21k. I felt like I was going on the right path with finally buying my dream car and having some money saved up for emergencies, so I was planning on moving out until I saw that I was unable to live on my own with the salary I was given. So, this led me to go to nursing school while still working at the fire department. Long story short halfway through me pre-requites, the fire department fired me due to conflict of interest. I was devasted because even though my car was paid off, I still needed a steady income to pay for college. Well, this is when everything started to roll downhill. I’m at the point in my life where I’m coming close to turning 24 and I crashed my vehicle due to poor weather conditions and lost traction with the road. Minor damage to the vehicle but since it was a sports car the damage too it was not worth the repair according to my insurance company. Luckily, I got all the money back I paid for the car, but that money went towards school, so I did not end up going into debt. Now I have about 3k in the bank without a car and a part-time ambulance job and still living at home with mom and dad. I turned 25 in November and I have been constantly applying to fire departments and trade jobs just looking for anything at this point. I am currently in the process of finding a car to go into a payment plan. Something cheap like a used Honda Civic, Toyota Camry or Nissan Versa. I am currently enrolled in a paramedic class which I won’t graduate until 2020 and I’ll be close to 27 years old at that time and I do not want to have to wait that long for me to get back on somewhere. I lost my fire certifications due to them lapsing because I was not working anymore as a firefighter and I do not have the money to pay to get them back through schooling right now so I am hoping to get into a departments rookie school, but I feel like my past mistakes is preventing me from having a future. I feel like a loser still living at home with my parents even though I am trying my best not too. I’ve learned from my mistakes and I just want to get out of this depression and get hired on somewhere because currently working 60 hours a week just to make 30k a year.

The only thing I have going for me right now which is a tremendous blessing is my father’s mom and dad who is my grandparents have a house here in Georgia with the mortgage paid off. We were blessed by family members who died who gave some money from the will to help pay off my grandparents’ house. Since my grandpa died of Alzheimer’s last year, my parents and grandmother are all planning on leaving Georgia to move to Pennsylvania to be closer to family members. We are currently in the process of selling the house and my parents are blessing me with my grandparents’ house. They never said they will give me the deed, but they said they are letting me stay in that house for however long I need or want. I can also do some remodeling if I want. All I have to do is pay for the utilities of course. So, this is a huge blessing and I cannot ask for me even though I am complaining. The reason for this is because I feel like I am salvaging off my parents even though I do not want too. All their hard work I feel like is just being given to me and I feel like a loser for this and a bum. My mom says not too but I just can’t help it. My past mistakes eat at me constantly and it makes me feel like a failure even though my parents are preventing this. I look at it like everyone else in this world works hard and the majority are not blessed with a house like me but that’s why I feel this way. I’ve always been the guy who works hard and earns what I get and I never and I mean never asked for anything in my life. I always hated too. Even on holidays like Christmas, I never asked for anything because I liked earning my own stuff.
The question I am just trying to ask is am I a loser? Am I a failure at life for this? Did I fail my parents? I am working towards my paramedic to get back on with a fire department and maybe one day work as a flight medic part-time and in my forties bridge from my paramedic to my RN and work full time as an RN while part-time flight medic. I just want to get back on with a fire department in the meantime and put in 15–20 years to save money since I do not have a mortgage to worry about. I just hate coming home now late at night from a hard day of work because I feel like I shouldn’t still be with mom and dad.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I tried to keep it short because I did leave out a lot of information because I just wanted to share the brief of it. Thank you again for anyone who reads and replies to this.

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18 Answers

Dutchess_lll's avatar

Doesn’t sound like you’re a loser. Everyone has set backs.
What exactly was the conflict of interest situation?

Loadingcosta's avatar

@Dutchess_lll The conflict on interest was due to me attending school. The fire department at the time thought I was going to school so I can leave the fire department. They saw this as a conflict of interest.

augustlan's avatar

You’re being too hard on yourself. A lot of people your age do live with their parents and don’t have a clear career plan. Depending on what you’ve left out, the only ‘mistake’ I see is buying your 21K dream car so early on, but even that is pretty common. I would do what your parents are doing for any of my own children; that doesn’t make you a loser…it makes you lucky that your parents can help.

If you are suffering from depression, remember this: it is a liar. Please talk to your doctor about getting some help to overcome it. Proper treatment makes a world of difference!

KNOWITALL's avatar

Most of us make mistakes when we’re young and learn from them, and go on to succeed. As far as a free house, feel blessed its one less thing to worry about and very generous of your family. Stay focused on a career you enjoy.

Dutchess_lll's avatar

@Loadingcosta the conflict of interest doesn’t really make sense. It sounds like you had a moron for a boss.

rojo's avatar

Life is what it is. Sometimes we are at the top of the Ferris wheel, sometimes at the bottom but it keeps on turning. Labeling yourself a winner or loser will not change things anywhere but in your own head.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

Most young adults start as a loser. Your ahead of the pack. You have valuable life experiences. At least you are trying. Your details were a pleasure to read. Thanks. Cars and money are not that important. I have faith that you will pick yourself up and try again. You are not a loser as long as you don’t give up.

mazingerz88's avatar

You’re not a “loser.” You’re a hard working guy who’s not wasting time and doing your best. And especially not blaming anybody else for whatever setbacks you encounter. You keep moving forward and knows how to be grateful. You’re a good guy. Good guys are never “losers.”

Loadingcosta's avatar

@augustlan

Thank you for replying to my post and being very kind towards my situation. The issue with me is a lot of my friends are already moved out or many people I know are moved out along with getting married or engaged. Also some of them have already started saving for retirement. When I revisit these thoughts it makes me feel like a failure up and till this point. I have not been able to save for retirement just yet at all and I still am unable to start due to me having to save the money I currently have to pay for paramedic school which will cost me $4,500 total. I’m also trying my best to save up for another car because I have to keep borrowing either my parent’s car or brothers car.

I am beyond grateful for my parents and everything they have done and will do in the future but I do want to say that me getting my grandparents house is still up as a “what if.” It’s not a fact that I will get the house to stay in to help me out. My dad said he will allow me to stay in the house while my mom does not say yes or no but then on some days, I overhear my parents talking about selling the house so I am not taking anything for granted. I am so focused on me being a bum for not saving up for retirement already and not having a good well paying job yet. Once I get my paramedic doors will open up more but currently, it’s hard because all jobs I applied for with the fire department are a little worried due to my past history with the old fire department. I’m not giving up but it is discouraging at times. I’ve applied to six more departments this week and hoping to hear back from them soon.

Long term plan is to become a flight medic part-time while working as an RN full-time. I really do love the medical field but I love both the paramedic and RN side so I want to do both and this is the best way I see it. Looking to do 15 years in the fire service and transition over.

I would not say I suffer from depression but I do have my spells when I feel like a failure. Its not every day. The depression only hits me when my parents are working their butt off for us kids and then we end up failing them. I do not want anything else in this world but to just make my parents proud. I just need a second chance is all. Thank you again for the kind words!

Loadingcosta's avatar

@KNOWITALL

Thank you for the reply to my post. Yes, I am beyond blessed and grateful for my parents and the house I may acquire. Nothing is for certain yet but if it does happen I will be beyond grateful.

Loadingcosta's avatar

@Dutchess_lll

Yes, my boss was not the “brightest” in the world and that department I worked at had a lot of issues, to begin with. When I first started working there, there was a lot of racism going on and you almost were forced to choose a side without even knowing the whole story of the situation. A lot of petty crap at that department. The crazy thing is when I was fired, the department fired 70% of the employes after me and basically started over. I found this out about 6 months after I was terminated. It really was a bad department to work for but I also had my mistakes and I would never put all the blame on the department. I just wish they would of handled it a but better.

Loadingcosta's avatar

@rojo

Thank you, sir. I will always keep my head up and keep pushing. I just have to stop thinking of my life in years. I see it as I threw my life away so far and now it may be harder to reach my goal because I only have so many youth years in a life.

Loadingcosta's avatar

@RedDeerGuy1

Thank you! I appreciate the kind words

Loadingcosta's avatar

@mazingerz88

I really do appreciate your kind words and sympathy. Your words are very encouraging and I could not be my grateful for that. I will keep working hard and trying my best to become the best person I can become. I just want to be a valuable citizen and above all make my parents proud of me. I want to wake up one day and hear my mom and dad say, “Son we are extremely proud of you.”

mazingerz88's avatar

^^What you’re doing is right already thinking about saving for retirement. Not very many young people do that. Thinking about it leads you into the best ways to go about it. You would get a clear picture of a plan that suits you best.

Worrying about it is a good way to get motivated and stay in focus but too much of that is counter-productive. You may lose moments better spent being happy.

You are young, you have time.

Loadingcosta's avatar

@mazingerz88

Yes, thank you. I just do not want to end up having to work long hours when I am in my 60’s just to be able to survive. Retirement is a big thing on my mind because of my dad. My father was able to retire when he was 50 something years old after retiring from the NYPD doing 21 years. Now he just works part-time as a security guard in a cancer treatment center. My plan is to get back on with a fire department while currently in school to get my paramedic and then in my thirties seeing that I am 25 right now, planning to bridge from my paramedic to RN which takes a year and then I am going to do flight nursing as a part-time gig while doing nursing full-time so I can make better money for me and if I have a family.

You are right that worrying is counterproductive too and that is why I wasted 5 years of my life. I didn’t start saving up for retirement and I could not make the choice between going for RN or paramedic. I choose paramedic because it will allow me to work while doing all this. I feel young but time flies by so quick now that I want to achieve so many things and be successful before I do not have any more time.

Thank you for the reply!!

mazingerz88's avatar

^^I have a friend from Kenya who moved here in the US with his wife and daughter in 2004 when he was around 30 years of age.

He worked Sundays as a caregiver and his interest was agricultural tech but decided to study nursing instead since there was demand.

He went to school here, working part-time and his wife helped of course.

Now he has been working as a surgery nurse and supporting a family of 5. He’s doing good. Bought a house and on weekends when he’s asked to go on duty…the extra pay is too good to say no.

The other day though, he mentioned he could have also gone in for military service. The pay, the benefits, retirement deal and all that isn’t that bad he said.

Loadingcosta's avatar

@mazingerz88

Yes, nursing is a great gig and its a great career once you achieve the degree and start working. It’s getting to that point which is the pain but its worth it. I was actually very close to joining the military and I still might join the reserves but I personally do not see myself doing 20 years in the military. That’s just honesty and I do not want to make that mistake of going in four years and then leaving.

My biggest concern right now is being 25 years old and then turning 26 when I become a paramedic. I still haven’t started saving for retirement and I won’t be able too until I find a job that offers a 401k. Right now no one is hiring me but I am getting job interviews. I just need to survive and hopefully one day everything will work out. I just hate that I am in this problem because I am better and smarter than this. I just wish someone would overlook my past mistakes and just give me a second chance.

Being 25 and still no savings for retirement, living at home still, no car and saving up for one, no job with a 401k but working one current ambulance job. All this really makes me depressed at times and makes me feel like a big loser.

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