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Dannyfanpooch's avatar

If someone doesn’t tell you the truth is it because he isn’t serious about you?

Asked by Dannyfanpooch (70points) 1 week ago from iPhone

the guy I’m dating is a great father but through my guessing because this child looks absolutely nothing like him in the pics he shows me, and then doing some snooping on his ex’s social media I found out the child he calls his daughter isn’t biologically his, he met her when she was 3 and basically raised her. He and the ex are no longer together but he still takes the girl, who is now 11 on the weekends, I asked a question the other night “so how old were you when you found out you were going to be a dad?” but he lied and said the age he would of been if the child was his. I’m also curious because I told him I liked him a month ago and he said he didn’t want to rush into anything because there’s still a lot we don’t know about eachother and it seems he doesn’t want me to know either, Should I just assume he doesn’t see me as anything potentially serious?

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15 Answers

elbanditoroso's avatar

How long have you been dating?

1) Snooping on him is nasty behavior. If I found you snooping on me I would drop you like a hot potato.

2) He probably thinks that part of his life is none of your damned business at this point. People don’t automatically open up to you and tell all their secrets. It takes time and it’s a process.

3) Knowing what I know about your (from what you wrote), I would dump you right now. You’re snooping and prying, and apparently a bit of a control freak.

Back off. Give the relationship time to grow (or die) in its own.

Dannyfanpooch's avatar

everyone snoops, I don’t think it’s anything out of the ordinary but alright thank you

rebbel's avatar

Misconception, to think that everybody snoops.
Snoopers think/say that to excuse/justify their snooping.

KNOWITALL's avatar

When you involve children, relationships take time- usually.

Honestly, I will agree with @elbanditoroso, the snooping is childish and leads me to believe you are not mature enough to be a co-parent to the child he claims as his own (which I GREATLY admire about him btw.)

I think you’re blowing it because you have low self-esteem. It’s not all about you, there is a child involved and an adult man and another adult woman. You have to stop snooping and just let it be. Enjoy him, enjoy your time together, just leave it be. If you can’t stop yourself, you should probably find someone a little less complicated to date.

chyna's avatar

I just want to add that just because a child doesn’t look like their parents doesn’t mean they aren’t biologically related. My 3 brothers and I look nothing alike nor do we look like our parents.
Apparently this guy loves his daughter enough to say she is biologically his. He sounds wonderful. But I think neither of you are ready for each other. Maybe you need to find someone who is more available to you. Good luck!

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Dannyfanpooch's avatar

And when I say snooping I mean I went on to his ex’s profile and she’s got a post about 3 posts down from 4 years ago explaining everything, I’m not sure if that’s considered stalking but that you all for exaggerating every single thing lol

Thank you to anyone (none of you) who actually answered the general question rather than commenting on my “snooping”.

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chyna's avatar

@Dannyfanpooch Excuse me!! I didn’t say anything about snooping. Pfft.

Dannyfanpooch's avatar

Oh you’re right, sorry chyna, thank you!

Kardamom's avatar

You and this man are not a good match. You have dissimilar expectations. He has a child, whether or not she is his biological child. You have suspicious notions about why he is choosing to call this girl his daughter, although I think it is because he loves her and wants to protect her.

You and this man barely know each other, but you are already making too many un-realistic demands of him, and expecting way too much, and not truly understanding that “his child” is the most important person to consider in this situation.

Move on. Find someone who does not have children, and is looking for a more serious relationship with you.

Dannyfanpooch's avatar

great answer thank you, I also have children.

trailsillustrated's avatar

He’s a d-bag and don’t get involved, simple.

Dannyfanpooch's avatar

I’ve come to realize that actually now, thank you trailsillustrated, he was lying about a lot of things actually.

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