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Patty_Melt's avatar

Have we been doing this all wrong?

Asked by Patty_Melt (12776points) January 6th, 2019

There was a period some time back, when pushing positive reinforcement was all the rage.

Now we have multitudinous campaigns to end bullying.

Pushes to improve social behaviors are a good thing, I believe, but I think sometimes the masses take the wrong approach.
It bully shaming the right way to go, really?
Kids learn their behaviors.
Frequently bullies don’t understand how they are wrong. By the time they get it, the behaviors are ingrained.
What makes more sense to me is educating all children about bullying, various character types, various mental issues, etc.

Besides that, I think we should educate children how to be better equipped to face being emotionally pressured, shamed or frightened.
Crying about bullies has become a sort of new type of bullying.

Children these days have issues understanding what is bullying, and what is expressing an opinion, or a simple choice.

What do you think? Can we do this better?

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9 Answers

raum's avatar

I think the trend is moving more towards social justice.

Do you have particular examples of bully shaming?

raum's avatar

Oops…I meant to say restorative justice.

ragingloli's avatar

I am convinced that the best way to deal with bullies is to end them.
You could either implement a bounty system, to financially encourage the children to “deal” with the problem themselves, or just summarily execute them.

JLeslie's avatar

Is bully shaming going on? I wasn’t aware of this.

I think we should be teaching children empathy, I don’t think we do this well in our education system in America. Basic golden rule, and also that it’s not fun to hurt others, and teach children to not tolerate bullying and stand up for themselves.

For girls, it’s usually verbal abuse in the form of teasing, and talking back or having the confidence and self esteem to say screw off is the strength needed. For boys, it can be physical abuse, and this can be more difficult to combat for many reasons.

If a child feels shamed because they are outed for being abusive, I’m not sure I’m so bothered by it. Feeling badly means they actually have a conscience. I wouldn’t want anyone purposely shaming a child, like taking them out to the “public square” but if catching them in the act involves them being embarrassed that might be hard to avoid.

mazingerz88's avatar

Following this. I’m writing a comic book and my three main characters are all bullies.

Patty_Melt's avatar

There are several PSA’s,and some are quite specific and targeting.
I think instead of teaching our children to cry, “I’m being picked on” we should teach children how to have enough confidence in themselves to not be destroyed by every little thing they see or hear.
When my daughter was in kindergarten, there was a little boy she said was very mean. After a long talk involving some questions, I learned he was new, maybe didn’t speak much English, and pretty much the whole class had shunned him as mean.
I urged my daughter to take him on as a partner, showing him where things go, asking if he needed help, and such.
She came home excited the next day excited to discuss how she offered him some help, and the rest of the day he was her buddy.
At Christmas time, she wanted to gift the whole class. That was a tall order, and I was waiting for a decision from social security, so I was piecing together dollars the best I could from unusual sources.
I found a spectacular deal, and made it happen. To keep it from being a fiasco, I had the gifts in bags, and handed them to my daughter one at a time to pass out.
Little “bully boy” stood nearby, looking closer to tears with each one that didn’t have his name.
When I finally got to his, he lit up better than any Christmas tree.
Turns out, he was sent to the states from Mexico alone, to stay with a grandma (maybe) and assorted other kids. In the summer, the whole bunch of them were sent back, all illegals. They little boy had been tough all right. He was used to needing an exterior.
I have more stories, kids who were called bullies and shamed, and those so called bullies were suffering, and reacting badly. I won’t take up more space here unless anybody feels they need more examples.

rojo's avatar

No, I agree. Much of what we call bulling is subjective and an increased sense of self-worth among children would certainly help alleviate the situations where perception does not relate to reality.
Not denying that bullying doesn’t exist; I think we can all give personal examples where we have been bullied. But, does bullying a bully teach them not to bully? Does spanking someone teach them not to hit? I don’t think it does in either case.

Patty_Melt's avatar

Yes! Well said. That is what concerns me.
Autistic children, ADD children, children with PTSD, frequently get labeled as bullies over behavior they don’t understand. Shaming them only elevates their confusion and frustration.
Does it seem plausible that instructing children in social behaviors, and the conditions which can adversely affect social behaviors for many others? I think there should be a total two semester requirement for elementary students, and one semester requirement each for middle and highschool students.

Does anyone have thoughts about that?
I think, actually, such targeted instruction could do more for reducing school shooters than gun regulations.
Any opinions about that?

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