General Question

LoadingMedic's avatar

Depressed over life situation?

Asked by LoadingMedic (26points) 1 week ago

Hello,

Let me first start off by saying thank you to anyone who has taken the time to read my post.

I am a 25-year-old single male who feels like he has failed at life and has become the definition of a bum. When I turned 22 years old I started working for a Fire Department in Georgia before realizing that I wanted to pursue a degree in nursing. Long story short my school schedule was interfering with the work schedule so my job at the time fired me. I had 21 grand saved up at the time so I bought a car while working at the fire department. Had it all paid off and then I ended up crashing it. The car ended up getting totaled and I was lucky enough to get all the money back that I paid for it. Fast forward to me starting school for nursing. All the money I had saved up which was 21 grand ended up getting spent for school. It left me with 5 grand in the bank and right before I was about to start the nursing program my parents notified me that they were putting the house up for sale so they can move to PA. My parents recently just sold the house and now we are currently moved in with my grandma at her place until my parents find a place in PA.

I started paramedic school about four months ago and will not graduate until February 2020. I’ll be twenty-six at that time. I am currently working one full-time job make 24 grand a year post-tax and second job part-time making roughly 20 grand a year pre-tax. Overall I am making roughly 33–36 grand yearly as a 25-year-old. I am still living at home with my parents but once they move I will be taking over my grandmas house which is mortgage free. All I will have to do is pay for utilities. My plan is to save up as much money as a can in 5–6 years so I can move out and buy my own place. I work about 96 hours a week currently right now while attending paramedic school once a week. I am working very hard but barely making anything. I feel like such a loser and that I have let my parents down. Both my parents are five years away from 60 years old and I am the oldest kid out of three. I have a 24-year-old sister and a 21-year-old brother. My sister is getting a masters in some art degree and my brother’s plan is to get a software engineering degree but all he does is sit home literally all day and play video games. I HATE IT. It makes me extremely depressed knowing that my brother and sister will most likely not move out anything soon and that my parents will still have to deal with this. My parents should not have too. My dad worked so hard for us kids that this should not even be an option. I am grateful ill be lent my grandmas house to stay in for a few years to save up money but I am extremely worried about my brother and sister too. To me, they look like they will end up like complete bums for the rest of there life. This thought and mental picture scare me to death. I don’t want this and I do not want this for my parents. I want them to live on there own and enjoy there life growing old and not having to worry about two kids still living with them. Honestly, this makes me tear up a bit even writing this. My dad’s dad who is grandpa recently died of Alzheimer’s and now his mom who is a grandma just had a mini-stroke. My dad is under a lot of stress and he just shouldn’t be and i hate that for him. If my parents are not happy then I am not either. I feel like failure and loser.

My 10-year plan was to save up as much money as can while living at my grandmas by myself in five years and then use that possibly 100,000–180,000 grand to pay off a house or have a really nice down payment. Then I was going to bridge from my paramedic to my nursing. This all sounds good for me but then I am extremely worried about my sister and brother. Am I being too hard on myself or am I really just a loser who has failed?

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21 Answers

janbb's avatar

You have not failed. You are working very hard and have reasonable plans and goals that you are working towards. You can’t take responsibility for your brother’s and sister’s lives; they will have to sort themselves out and most likely will in time. Keep doing what you’re doing and don’t beat yourself up!

SQUEEKY2's avatar

What she said^^^^ and if you ever get a second for yourself remind yourself to just take a breath.

MrGrimm888's avatar

From your description, you’re doing WAY better than me. I’m in my mid 30’s.

Someone willing to work as hard as you will find success, and happiness.

A person who was a fireman, and wants to be a nurse, is not a selfish person. But, perhaps you should focus more on yourself for a bit. Try to do some things that you enjoy more often, when you have the time.

I go fishing when the world is too much. I do MMA training too, which helps me get out frustration. I play guitar. I have a fish tank. There are many different types of things that you can do to help ease your stress.

Good luck.

Peace n love.

funkdaddy's avatar

I don’t want to assume too much about what’s unstated in your question, but if you were my friend I’d ask you a few questions

- what does success really look like to you?
– who is actually successful in your eyes? Why?

From what you describe, you’re not a failure by any reasonable definition, not by a long shot. So the real question would have to be why do you feel that way and what will it take to improve that feeling?

It’s taken me a long time to recognize burnout in myself, and it feels a lot like what you describe with a little of “is this all there is” mixed in on top. The plan to work a ton of hours and lock down for a better future sounds great until the novelty wears off, the grind sets in, and you slowly wear down without really reaping any rewards in the mean time.

I’d ask if it feels like your dreams are too far off and you need to make some shorter steps along the way. Some goals with meaningful rewards that you can enjoy while planning for the long term.

With 96 hours accounted for, I’m assuming you’re busy 7 days a week, every week, probably not sleeping enough, and probably not seeing people much outside of work/school. That makes your world very small. It’s hard to see outside of the next thing you have to do. It’s hard to ever imagine something better.

A strong work ethic like you see from your dad will serve you well, but the types of hours you’re putting in are unsustainable by anyone I’ve ever met. Even those that revel in them eventually need to do something else.

I’d offer two pieces of unsolicited advice, take what you want.

1) The test for me is if I stop and sit in a park for an hour and I’m not ready to get back after it (or that hour stresses me out), I probably need to slow down. Figure out what your test is and apply it.

2) Do something small for yourself, like a day off with people you like, and see if it recharges you some, improves your outlook and would be a worthwhile addition to your schedule long term.

kritiper's avatar

No matter how bad you think you’ve got things, look around. SOMEBODY has it worse than you.

gorillapaws's avatar

Great answers above. I just wanted to point out that you should do some reading on finance. Some of your big plans are very foolish from a financial point of view. You’re much better saving for retirement than buying a house outright. You can deduct your mortgage interest expenses from your taxes, and mortgage rates are very low. You’re better off investing the money with a solid rate of return and owing more on your mortgage at a low, tax-deductible, interest rate.

This is a compound interest calculator. Play with it and see how much you could have saved by the time you retire. It’ll blow your mind.

Oh, and you’re not a looser. You’re hard working and thinking long term. That’s something to be proud of.

LoadingMedic's avatar

Thank you everyone for the kind responses. It did make me feel a bit better but I am not going to lie when i say it still.does not ultimately change the perspective I have on myself and on my brother and sister. One person said that your brother and sisters life is not yours which I agree with.y concern is I don’t want them end up living at home with mom and dad. That’s not healthy for them and it’s not healthy for my parents. I wouldn’t be so concerned about it if they worked hard but they don’t. All my brother does is play video games all day. My sister goes to school but when she is home all she does is sit in a bathrobe all day and does school work but an Arts degree is useless. She even told me she has no idea what she is going to do. That’s a scary thought knowing that your sister is getting her masters in art and has no idea what she wants to do with it.

My parents are also going to be 66 years old when I am 36 ten years from now and then 76 when I’m 46. During these times I have no idea how good there health is going to be.

Then you have me who is still looking for a new car about totaling my previous one. Working 6 days a week 96 hours total just barely making 33 grand a year. I’m 25 years old still living at home with mom and dad while having no money saved up right now due to all my money is going to pay for paramedic school and saving for a car. I’m a loser and I know it. No kid my age should still be at home with mom and dad. All my friends are either engaged or married now and I’m still single living at home. I’m a loser. I’ve made so many poor decisions in my life that it’s honestly keeping me from.being happy. I hate going home because of all these feelings seeing my brother and sister. I hate the amount of hours I work for the little pay I get. I just hate everything about myself right now. I’m not suicidal and would never consider it. I’m just depressed over myself. I hate that I made poor life decisions so now my parents have to face them.

I just want to be successful. Little all I want is just to have a home, family, and have a nice stead job. That’s it but I can’t even.accomish that.

kritiper's avatar

We have a saying around here: “Life’s a bitch and then you die.” It’s all too true.

Jaxk's avatar

Let me give you a slightly different take on your situation. You’re making about $# grand a month with no rent. That won’t put you in the lap of luxury but it is doable. You finish your parametic traing in a year which will give you the potential for higher earning. Frankly, you’re in better shape than I was at your age. Getting fired from your job at the Fire Dept was a set back but not insurmountable. Keep looking for a better job but even if you don’t find one in the near term your situation will change in a year.
Stop worrying about your siblings and take control of your own situation. No one is a loser at 25, If your not doing better at 35 you may want to worry. Right now you’ve got money in the bank, a job to survive on and a fee place to live. Your way ahead of many of your peers.

rojo's avatar

My first impression upon reading your description was not a ‘failure” but a highly stressed individual. I am not sure if you can but you need to look at what you have done, where you are now and realize that you have accomplished a lot. You also have a plan which, in my experience, not a whole lot of twenty-somethings have. At 96 hours a week plus school I just think you are wound up a little tight.
As for your sibs and your parents. Mom and Dad have to make that call, not you. They can free themselves whenever they need to. With your sister, yes, some of us think an art degree is somewhat, um, silly but I know several people who have been very successful in fields they were not schooled in; for example a psychology major who is currently working a six figure salary in the human resources field after spending half of her time in accounting or the recreation and parks friend who owns his own drywall and metal framing company and is quite comfortable. So, don’t hold that against her. Then again, maybe she can get on with a major museum or auction house and actually utilize her degrees. Your bro. just needs a good swift kick in the ass but that is your dads job, not yours.
So, calm down a little. De-stress, find a hobby like @MrGrimm888 suggests, cut back on your hours, perhaps look to accelerate your schooling to get that nursing degree. You know, an RN can be had in two years and once you get on with a hospital they will help finance your further education.

A friends daughter went to school, got the training she needed to become a medical technologist, worked that field for several years including an early stint moving around a lot working as a traveling MedTech going to places that have seasonal needs for additional staff, ended up staying in Hawaii for two years, spent two years in Portland OR. another in Pagosa Springs Co. and is now working on her MD. with help from the hospital. Things change, people change, wants and needs change. Don’t bog yourself down

Inspired_2write's avatar

If you are worried about your siblings offer them a place temporally until they themselves will go out on there own too.
Share the Grandmas house with them and maybe ask for rent, if feasible?
I would also suggest a contract of sorts ( landlord contract) so that the siblings don’t fudge in paying the rent.
This way its all ironed out legally and each is helping the other.
Your receive rent and thus pays down your debts and lessens the stress as well.
Plus it takes stress off of your parents too.

If siblings not interested, then rent to others ?

LoadingMedic's avatar

@Jaxk

Thank you for your kind words. I agree with you that I need to stop worrying about my siblings and start focusing on myself but it has always been within my nature to put people before myself. In other words, if my parents are not happy then I am not either. My happiness has always been built on other peoples and that sounds pathetic. Ever since I was a kid I have always helped around the house. I would help my father mow the lawn, clean dishes, shovel the snow, cook, etc. I could never say no to my parents because I would feel extremely guilty. Now even whenever I come home and there are dishes in the sink I always feel obligated to put them away even if I haven’t been home all day. I hate seeing my Grandma cook as well because she is 78 years old and should not being doing all that. She should be resting and relaxing now.

Yes getting fired from the fire department was a set back for myself and at the time I did not see it that way. I saw it as okay I got fired from my job but in two years ill be a nurse. Long story short I had to drop out of school to help around the house and to help my parents get ready to sell the house. At that point, a paramedic course was starting up and I jumped into it seeing that I would graduate in February 2020. Ill be a few months in at twenty-six years old and I am really hoping to find a better paying full-time fire department by then and work a second one part-time. This will enable me to bring home 63,000 which in turn will be 47,000 after taxes. I’ll be working fifteen days a month but this will still give me plenty of other open days to work a side gig if I want too. I’ll be living at my grandparent’s house by myself for the time being only having to worry about paying for utilities. I really have no idea how much the utilities will cost but hopefully, this will give me a good opportunity to save up a decent amount of money. When I turn 28 years old is when I was planning on doing a one-year bridge program to get my RN from my paramedic. By 30 years old I am hoping to have my nursing degree.

It just scares me right now at 25 because I am working two crappy jobs. I work full time at a fire department trying to get my certifications back making 28,000 yearly and 24,000 after taxes. Then my second job is a part-time ambulance company making 13.00 hour. the Fire department right now is about a 35–40 minute drive from my house which stinks as well.

@rojo

I am very stressed out and that is not something I am going to deny but at the same token with my circumstances, there is not much I can do. I would love to cut back on my hours but I just do not have that luxury. I still have about 3,000 left to pay off for school and I am still looking into buying a cheap used vehicle roughly 5–10 grand so I am not exactly debt free.

You are right that I should not hold this degree against her. I guess in other terms I am just worried for her because she has never worked in the real world for a full-time job and does not pay bills. She does not have her phone bill and does not pay for her own groceries. All she does is go to school and come back and study. Its disheartening to me because my parents are still working part-time right now just to make a little extra cash they say but I personally believe its because they need to pay for my siblings which annoys me because my dad already retired from the NYPD.

Yes an RN degree can be attained in 2 years and thats the plan when I get my paramedic. I am 25 now and when I graduate ill be 26. When I turn 28 I am bridiging over to my nursing which is a one year program. I am planning on having my nursing at the age of 30–31 years of age.

@Inspired_2write

I have already offered them to stay here in Georgia with me. They can still finish therec school. They denied my offer and said they wanted to move to PA with mom and dad. They did not want to stay here in Georgia. It annoyed me but I cannot force them.

I would rent with others but I do not believe I will need too due too all I have to worry about for the house is utilities. The mortgage is paid off.

Inspired_2write's avatar

You stated that you had debts, use the rent to pay it off quicker.
Work smarter, not harder.

LoadingMedic's avatar

@Inspired_2write

Yes, that makes sense and I will absolutely consider it. May I ask you a question? I’ll be taking over the house eventually and my parents are not ready to go over utilities with me. The house ill be living in is 2,000 square footage. Would you by any chance have a rough estimate of what you possibly think the average utility cost is for a house nowadays? I’m thinking it will be roughly 400–500 but at the same token I am not sure if it really would be that much seeing that ill be the only one in the house and I do not plan on having cable. Just the internet.

janbb's avatar

@LoadingMedic The biggest cost is probably heat/and or air conditioning. Do you know what kind of heat it has? Central air?

LoadingMedic's avatar

@janbb I apologize for my stupidity but how would I know? We have a thermostat that controls the temperature in the house. Not sure if that helps.

janbb's avatar

What company do the bills come from – power or gas?

Inspired_2write's avatar

https://customerservice2.southerncompany.com/CustService/ContactUs?mnuOpco=GPC.html
you can contact them to ask approx costs of 2000 sq foot home will cost?
I live in another Country ( Canada) and cannot help you with this info easily.


also consider solar panel to lower costs if feasible?

janbb's avatar

@LoadingMedic That’s probably electric then but I’m not sure. Are your grandparents still around? Can you ask them what the bills ran?

In any case, if you’re careful I imagine utilities would probably be less than $400 – $500/month.

trailsillustrated's avatar

Go watch “ RUSSIAN DOLL “ right now. Eh. Thank me later.

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