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isabella778's avatar

[NSFW] He asked if I have a gag reflexes. Is this disrespectful?

Asked by isabella778 (82points) February 19th, 2019

This guy I’m dating about 2 months asked if I have gag reflexes out of nowhere. It’s obvious hes asking for sexual reasons. Is it disrespectful of him to ask this? I personally feel some type of way about it as it’s out of nowhere.

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29 Answers

gorillapaws's avatar

Yes it’s disrespectful. That may or may not be a deal breaker. Many times flirtations can push the boundaries of respectability on purpose. Maybe he wants to engage in new sexual activities and didn’t know how else to breach the topic? It’s really hard to interpret his question to you without knowing you, him and the dynamics of your relationship better.

My advice is to listen to yourself. If his comment felt disrespectful to you then tell him so and tell him not to do it again. If you think it was more of a joke or flirtation, then retort back with something crass or shut him down in a funny way: “Yes I have a gag reflex. When things are in my mouth, I tend to involuntarily bite down hard…”

cookieman's avatar

Sounds pretty crude to me assuming he’s alluding to what I suspect he’s alluding to — which I think he is.

isabella778's avatar

@cookieman definitely referring to that. Smh

isabella778's avatar

We’re only dating 2 months. We haven’t been intimate yet so yes I do feel its disrespectful to outright act me that question @gorillapaws

elbanditoroso's avatar

Sort of depends on the context of how he asked.

Was it as part of a serious conversation on something or another? Or was it as part of joking repartee with a bunch of friends, lubricated with alcohol?

I can see how it could be construed as disrespectful, but I can also see it (depending on context) as one stupid remark if a crowd were saying stupid things.

Personally, I would not jump to the worst possible conclusion without knowing the context.

gorillapaws's avatar

@isabella778 2 months can be a long time without any intimacy in some relationships. It really depends on your ages and other factors. I’m guessing you’re both young (mostly because his comment sounded juvenile and not the kind of thing a man with class or experience with women would say).

It sounds like he wants to be intimate, is immature and doesn’t know how to discuss this with you in an adult way. It’s clear that he’s offended you. You should let him know how his question made you feel. If you’re interested in pursuing intimacy, you should discuss it like adults (because it’s serious) including topics like protection, STD testing and birth control. If you like him and want to stay dating but aren’t ready for intimacy yet, then tell him so. If you’re done with him, then kick him to the curb. There are plenty of men out there who know how to speak to a woman after all. Trust yourself and don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with just to make someone else happy.

isabella778's avatar

@elbanditoroso it was a random question he asked over text.

isabella778's avatar

@gorillapaws no problem if he does want to be intimate however if that’s the first question he asks, it’s highly out of line. It seems it’s all hes interested in. And it makes me wonder. Last month i saw in his search history “pay for blowjobs” in our city. He denied it was him claiming his brother used his phone and maybe I was stupid to believe him. His question makes me wonder that it was really him.

filmfann's avatar

It depends on the level of intimacy you have.

isabella778's avatar

Haven’t even really began yet @filmfann

gorillapaws's avatar

@isabella778 “I was stupid to believe him.”

You’ll be wiser next time. It’s never the brother’s (friend’s, roommate’s, uncle’s, etc.) fault.

isabella778's avatar

Can’t say I’m not hurt by this @gorillapaws sigh. .

isabella778's avatar

Update: he says “it was just a joke and sorry”. Smh not even funny

Darth_Algar's avatar

Yeah, it might be disrespectful, though he may not have meant it to. Something to bear in mind: at 2 months in you’re still figuring each other out. Boundaries are going to get pushed. That’s normal in any relationship. Afterall, you can’t know what the boundaries are until you walk into them.

flutherother's avatar

I would just say you should know him a little better after that exchange.

raum's avatar

Only with a certain amount of girth. I don’t think that would be an issue with you.

seawulf575's avatar

Yeah, it’s definitely tacky, bordering on rude. But as @gorillapaws some flirtations go that way. And for some reason many women accept crudity in flirtations. I once knew a guy that would walk right up to women and say “you want to go fuck?” To me that was disrespectful. But only about 2 in 10 women displayed disgust for it, 4 in 10 would just politely say no, 3 in 10 would find it amusing but say no, and 1 in 10 would say yes.
I do find it interesting that some flirtations from guys are viewed as being disrespectful but if the same thing came from a woman it would be more acceptable. For example, if a woman asked “do you want to go fuck?” to 10 guys, she would get more than one taker and probably zero disgusted reactions.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Go with your gut feeling. It was disrespectful.
Does it fit in with his other behaviors?

LuckyGuy's avatar

I think he’s been watching too much porn.
I hope he doesn’t believe those nurses have RN degrees.

Dutchess_III's avatar

That crossed my mind too…what was he watching that prompted that question out of the blue?

rebbel's avatar

“By the way, do you have gag reflexes?”
-“Yeah, right now….”

Inspired_2write's avatar

I would dump this immature guy in a second ! He already has shown you by asking this question what his agenda is.
You, in his eyes are just an object to satisfy his needs and fantasy.
Find one more interested in you as a person rather than as an object.
This one has clearly shown which one he is.

tinyfaery's avatar

After 2 months with no real sexual experiences, definitely. Move on. It seriously doubt it was a joke

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