If your father, or in some cases, mother hit you or abused you emotionally or sexually, how have you resolved/accepted/put it behind you?

I have never entirely gotten over it. It is a life-long curse.

I have been in therapy for 32 years. I’m a daily meditator, which helps enormously.

Keep reminding myself they will die first.

Actually, I got over abuse from my dad when I was sixteen. He did a lot of hitting. One day, he grabbed at me in order to hit me. I spun around fast and with fury burning in my gut I stated loud and clear, “no! Never again.” He was one of those people with mood ring eyes. During my life I had seen his eyes change color a lot. That was the only time I ever saw them turn silver. He was terrified. My fists were white knuckles and I was ready to fight back. Me, 5’1” 97lbs, he was 6’2” and over 200 lbs.
He didn’t hit me, ever again.

When I was seventeen my mom was in a tirade, calling me a whore and a junkie. She was throwing all sorts of insults which did not pertain to me.
I punched her hard in the shoulder, and then we stared at each other for at least thirty seconds. I expected lightning to strike. You just don’t strike your mother. When nothing happened, I got the hell out of there.
We talked of that day years later. She told me she didn’t move or speak because she was scared, and thought I was going to whale on her big time. She was actually relieved that I left.

I still bore scars from them both, and maybe still, one dead and the other close. It no longer rules my life though. That stopped a long time ago.

I’m still learning to completely forgive and trust the individual, but I’ve put the hurt in the past where it belongs.
And the person I’m referencing stopped drinking, which I never thought would happen, which makes it easier.

Who said I put it behind me? It doesn’t effect me on a daily basis, but things will come up and I realize that my reactions and relationships with people are still very much influenced by my experience with abuse

I understand now what happened to both parents in there childhood that made them react the way that they did as in those times they had No One to talk these things over with.

Father: grew up beaten every day by a controlling father and complacent mother.
Mother: Grew up with a very demanding mother and absent father ( at age of 12 yrs old).

Reasoning with studying psychology and analyzing,
I now understand that father avoided the home “just like his mother avoided stepping in to stop the beatings”.
It created his fears all over when he married and experienced things once again that were out of his control.

Applying the same reasoning for my late mother:
That at tender age of 12 years old and having way too much responsibilities on her back at that age looking after four siblings.

That in adult life she had married a “irresponsible man as well” and was stuck once again baring heavy responsibilities not with siblings but with her own five children.

With understanding the underlying behavior history I was able to come to terms of the dynamic of our dysfunctional family and how it came into being.

One never knows what pain hides behind another’s life.
I have discovered so much worse pain that both parents had experienced by obtaining my late mothers medical records.

All through this my late mother had what is now outlawed treatments from 1948 – 2010.

She was a victim of the medical system experimenting drugs and treatments on poor unsuspecting passive people.

The system had failed her and we as adults had failed my late mother in time to do any good.

Had we had known sooner as adults we could had turned around a lot for her, thank God that in her 80–93 years she finally entered a Seniors facility that took care of her daily needs and she slept in a nice comfortable bed.

She passed away in her sleep in 2010 untended, alone in the dark and in pain.

The practice of giving patients aspirins every night stopped as a result of this since it was the aspirins that ate a hole in her digestive track and caused her painful death.

I have written a draft of a novel about her life experiences and patterns in families as a warning to others to be on the alert.

I got spanked when I was young. Never really considered it as being anything other than a corrective method. I always deserved it with some bone-headed move. There was really nothing to bring with me into life except to not do bone-headed things. I have carried that for years. I still carry it. But I don’t view my parents as particularly controlling nor abusive. I was hugged and had expressions of pride and love from them far more than spankings.
On a side note, my dad did, one time, attempt to smack me when I was older…17 I think. We ended up squaring off and I punched him one good time and the fight ended. I was not proud of it, but felt he was entirely out of control. Interestingly, he took it to heart as well. He realized what an ass he had been. Again…we got past that and as far as I know he didn’t carry anything going forward except how to not be a complete ass.

@seawulf575
This reminded me of my late father confronting my brother ( before age 18) who had specifically taken Militia training to fight my father. ( also my brother was angry that my parents would NOT sign the papers needed for him to sign up for the Army)
Dad at age 50 plus yrs,( a professional Boxer in his earlier life) floored him with one move. He then calmly stated that my brother would not last one minute in Battle as the move that he did on my brother was not’Taught” until they are been briefed for actual Battles.
I see now that male offspring tend to use physical force with there fathers as a test of their abilities and for my father it was to test that his son was adequately prepared for life in a tough world. Obviously he was not, so he never joined the Army reserves at all instead he became an animal activist and loving husband,and father to four sons.

@Inspired_2write slightly different set of circumstances. My dad was in the middle of a mental breakdown that had been going on for several years. He was particularly out of control one night and I was putting on my shoes to leave…I had to get some information from a friend of mine to keep my brother out of trouble. Dad, out of the blue decided I was NOT leaving the house and as I was sitting down putting on my shoes, grabbed me by the hair and began slapping me. When I forced my way to my feet he then invited me to go a few rounds. I took basically one swing and cut him both above and below the eye. Not my finest moment. But he went to my brother’s house later that evening and was very quiet. He didn’t immediately say why he was there, but my brother could see the cuts and asked if we had had a fight. My dad quietly said we had and accepted the responsibility for starting it. When I came home later he was more subdued and I apologized for hitting him. It wasn’t a test of strength or anything like that, really. Maybe I finally had enough of the creeping insanity…I don’t know. But as I said…we got over it and ended up having a much better relationship because of it. When we disagreed, we could do so in a more mature way…talking things out instead of ranting or hitting.

@seawulf575 Glad that you got it sorted out and that you stood up for yourself.

@tinyfairy My question had options using ///. Also, one can choose to write or not whatever they wish. I certainly did not wish to imply anything. Sorry.