Social Question

JLeslie's avatar

When your SO, parents, or another person you interact with a lot yells at you what bothers you most about it?

Asked by JLeslie (61539points) April 17th, 2019 from iPhone

Is it that it makes you feel bad about yourself?

Are you afraid of them?

Do you just want them to not be so angry for themselves?

Something else?

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19 Answers

zenvelo's avatar

When someone yells, it means they are not wanting to listen or hear anything. That leads to complete frustration for me.

josie's avatar

Honestly, I’ve met few people who actually yelled at me.

My basic and advanced instructors yelled a lot, but that was just part of the show and it never bothered me.

My ex wife yelled frequently, and it bothered me, but not because it made me feel bad or afraid. I just thought it was shitty communication. So I divorced her.

And that’s about it.

MrGrimm888's avatar

I think it’s only human to lash out occasionally with someone who you interact with a lot. Occasionally is the key word here.
It’s important to stick up for yourself, when you feel the yelling is unwarranted. Otherwise, you train the person to feel free to just go off on you whenever they have misdirected anger.

Inspired_2write's avatar

Its an intimidating tactic to undermine the victim to control another.
This is abusive and show that the person yelling does not respect another, or they are letting off steam in anger, however they should not be using another in this way.
See it for what it is a way to control, and knowing that wait until they calm down then talk with them about respect and that you will not take that behavior anymore , so they had better find another way of handing there anger in a healthy way.
Don’t argue with a person yelling, leave the room or the area and come back if safe and talk about it with them IF they are open to talking in a healthy way.

elbanditoroso's avatar

They yell once, and I walk out of the room, or the house, or wherever I am.

Yelling, like hitting, is a sign of lost control. I don’t want to be around people like that.

Demosthenes's avatar

No one has yelled at me in a while, not since I was a kid and my parents were yelling at me for something or other. It was rare and I had to be doing something pretty bad to warrant that.

If anyone were to yell at me now, I’d probably yell back and swear at and insult them. Yelling at me accomplishes nothing whatsoever.

Dutchess_III's avatar

My SO just yells because he has never learned any other way. Also, he’s really defensive.
The other morning, as he was up getting ready, I was having this weird dream. Some thieves were breaking into my son’s bedroom via a tunnel they had dug that came up inside of my son’s closet. I was whispering harshly, “Chris! Chris!” trying to catch my son’s attention,but he couldn’t hear me. So I yelled, ”CHRIS!!” and actually yelled in IRL and woke myself up.
Rick was in the room, and he yelled back at me really angrily and sarcastically, something like, “What is YOUR problem?” He just assumed I was yelling at him.

What bothers me is often there is no rhyme or reason to his yelling…it’s just what he does.

Dutchess_III's avatar

And the number 2 thing is when he starts yelling it’s usually because he’s in the wrong but won’t admit it, and refuses to discuss it, so he starts yelling. I guess he thinks I will forget what we were even talking about. Not!

Harper1234's avatar

My husband’s frustration tolerance is pretty low because he is OC and somewhat of a perfectionist so you could imagine he finds things wrong that others would live with or take for granted. He’s hard on himself and i cannot imagine that as I am very laid back because I am sometimes he thinks I just don’t care. That’s that it..I just do not approach things like he does but that doesn’t make me wrong and him right but I feel like that is what he thinks without saying. I usually just listen and let it go over my head. When we were first married I took his yelling as something against me…but I learned it is not about me at all but what he thinks of himself deep down.

Inspired_2write's avatar

See Link :
Some people grew up with this way of confronting problems, it does NOT mean that you have to continue to take it.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

When someone yells at me I have an extreme fear that they will do something harmful to me, which is a fear based in past experiences. Yelling at me while threatening or criticizing me is perceived as danger by my brain and I respond accordingly.

I no longer tolerate being yelled at. If you need a moment to compose yourself, fine, I get it. Even I yell, we all have those moments. I grew up in an environment where yelling was (still is) the standard method of communicating.

If it’s a pattern of behavior, you’ll need to learn a better way to communicate or stay the hell away from me.

I don’t feel it’s necessary to yell at me because most of the time because I try very hard to be a good listener and I want to understand what you’re trying to say. If you’re yelling at me to intimidate or bully me, I’m not going to talk to you. If you are like me and you yell when you’re not being heard or you are feeling defensive, then I will try to redirect the conversation to taking some time to cool down and then trying again when both people are calm.

janbb's avatar

I can’t remember the last time someone yelled at me but it certainly would make me feel hurt.

seawulf575's avatar

Most people in my life don’t yell at me. Not since I divorced the first wife. And after the divorce she used to call me from across the country just to yell. My reaction was to hang up.

KNOWITALL's avatar

My husband is the only person allowed to yell at me, and it usually helps him communicate. It doesnt bother me and I dont think its abusive in the slightest. He simply wasnt taught effective communication. In case you dont know me well, I do yell back, works for us.

Zaku's avatar

The loss of the sense of affinity with them. And the sense of lack of regard/respect, and/or misalignment/misunderstanding.

It’s been rare, thankfully.

Cupcake's avatar

Yelling is frightening to me, especially from a man. It can (certainly not always) trigger my PTSD, which can take weeks to abate.

I have to admit that I feel very small and weak admitting this. I am a highly educated, highly capable, confident person. I navigate life and life situations very well. But because of former trauma (and frightening alcoholic relatives when I was young), I have biochemical changes that can get triggered from yelling or other situations that I (not necessarily consciously) perceive as abusive or dangerous.

People in my life do not yell at me. My husband occasionally triggers my PTSD (without any intention of doing so), but once I explain what is happening to/for/within me he is immediately compassionate and tender.

jca2's avatar

When someone yells, I feel like it’s bullying and disrespectful of me as a person. In my personal life, I’ve not had many people yelling at me but at work, I’ve had bosses that have raised their voice. Sometimes I hear people excuse yelling as “I just have a loud voice” which is bullshit. I feel like there’s never need for yelling or loud voices in the workplace.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Rick once asked me why him getting angry and yelling bothered me so much. Why can’t I just blow it off?

JLeslie's avatar

This Q was very interesting. I want to thank everyone.

GA’s for everyone.

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