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justdiana's avatar

Feel stuck in a bad situation not sure what to do?

Asked by justdiana (8points) April 19th, 2019

I am 35 and live at home. I am miserable. I work sometimes. My mom expects me to wait on my dad hand and foot ,because they can’t keep a visiting nurse for more 2 or 3 days.I also take care of my nephews. My mom gets mad at me for working and says I am selfish and need to be here full time. My mom also gets mad when she gets woke up because ,my dad wakes up and starts fights in the middle of the night, because he thinks I steal off him.I am sleeping elsewhere and I am selfish for not being there at night all the time.Even if I don’t fight back, it is my fault. My dad won’t even let me take a shower or watch what I want on tv. He broke my tablet because I watching Colbert with my earbuds in.
He also follows me around the kitchen trying to slam into me because it is his kitchen.
My sister in law smears me all over the place saying I sponge off my parents.I am sick of the shit but I am in debt and don’t know if I can get a place. I am afraid the police won’t believe that he physically hurts me. My mom says she will take my dad’s side if the cops come and so will the neighbours and I won’t last in prison or a mental hospital.They put me in a mental hospital before and the nurses saw right through them.

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11 Answers

chyna's avatar

Hi and welcome to Fluther.
Do you have any friends that you could rent a room from or find a place where you can just rent a room for a while until you can get money saved up?
No one should be a slave to another person and it sounds like that is how they are treating you. I suggest cutting all ties with them for now as you get back on your feet and get some confidence in yourself.
It won’t be easy, but you need to take your life back. Good luck!

janbb's avatar

I can only echo what @chyna said. You must get away from this abusive situation. Don’t worry about calling the cops or what the neighbors might say. Find a place to stay, a little job and cut off all contact.

josie's avatar

I’ll comment based on what you revealed. If there are other secrets here,I don’t know them.

At age 35, you should be working more than sometimes.
The labor market is hot.

Get a job of any kind and move out. Be helpful from another location.

Seriously. Not sure what to do?

justdiana's avatar

I was working more, but the other jobs I had went out of business.

josie's avatar

So you’ve used up your quota of businesses?

Not trying to be unhelpful. But it sounds like we are now entering the excuse phase. Or not.

Just trying to figure out what you’re getting at.

janbb's avatar

If you have no one to turn to, look for a battered woman’s shelter in your area and see if you can move there temporarily.

Cupcake's avatar

I was going to say the same as @janbb… call a battered woman’s shelter for advice. They may be able to do an intake and provide temporary shelter or may know of other resources for you.

Here are a few alternative possibilities:
– call a crisis line
– call an emergency department and ask to talk to a social worker
– get an appointment with a local therapist
– call the mental hospital where you were previously
– apply for ALL THE JOBS
– look in the newspaper/Craig’s list for people seeking roommates/rooms for rent
– ask EVERYONE YOU KNOW if they have a space for you to sleep temporarily. Bring an air mattress, if you have to.

Ask for resources for (1) housing, (2) employment and (3) mental health/trauma/abuse.

I’m willing to bet that although you recognize this behavior as unhealthy/inappropriate, you have not accepted the fullness of psychopathy and abuse because you feel obligated to endure it. I hope that you can get out soon and that you’ll seek help because this is not only unhealthy, it is dangerous in every way (physically, emotionally, psychologically, etc.).

Inspired_2write's avatar

Sounds like you are already care taking for your father, a career job training that may help you find a job?

It also may sound as if you father has dementia as abuse is also experienced and since you stated that you cannot keep nurses help for very long?

Was the father diagnosed in that he had to have care takers come to the home?

IF so talk with his doctor and explain what is occurring at home.

They may be able to get the help that your father and also your whole family needs to solve this scenario.

Once your father is taken care of better, either transferred to a facility/hospital for specialized care things will calm down enough for you to determine as to what to do for yourself in terms of career training etc

stanleybmanly's avatar

I’m more alarmed about the nephews. Are they also mired in this environment?

justdiana's avatar

not that much. I go see the older one at my brother’s ex wives house a lot. My dad turns into a nice person when the little one comes over.

janbb's avatar

I think you have to take care of yourself and get out of that situation before you can take care of anybody else. You are being abused by your parents and must get out. Seek help.

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