General Question

luigirovatti's avatar

Could you answer these two questions about friendship for me?

Asked by luigirovatti (2865points) April 22nd, 2019

(It’s obviously a simplification and re-arrangement of the previous question I posted (Come look at my previous post, by the way, if you’re interested. ;-) ))
Do you think you, as a friend, wouldn’t ask for a certain favor, that you know the other friend wouldn’t want to do, shouldn’t do, etc.? Furthermore, if you ASK, for this said favor, do you think, if (s)he refuses, that you wouldn’t hold him/her responsible for it?

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9 Answers

Dutchess_III's avatar

WHY would you ask a friend to do something you know they shouldn’t do, or you know they don’t want to do? I can’t imagine doing that, except in some extreme situation.
But if I did ask and they said, “No.” I’d say, “That’s what I thought,” and not give it another thought.

KNOWITALL's avatar

I would never ask a friend to do something they aren’t comfortable with. I’ve been in that position myself and refused. I lost my best friend over something she should never have asked me to do.

Zaku's avatar

I can think of a few times when this sort of this is something I’ve done.

“Do you think you, as a friend, wouldn’t ask for a certain favor, that you know the other friend wouldn’t want to do, shouldn’t do, etc.?”
Ideally, and I have not asked favors for such considerations. But I have also asked (and been asked) for favors that I realize (usually in hindsight) that there were good reasons not to ask.

So the answer is sometimes yes, sometimes no.

In practice, hindsight has seemed to make clearer to me what the reasons were NOT to ask, especially after the friend declined the request. When I’ve asked for such things, I have not been clear-minded about whether it was appropriate to ask or not.

“Furthermore, if you ASK, for this said favor, do you think, if (s)he refuses, that you wouldn’t hold him/her responsible for it?)”
I don’t think I’ve held friends responsible for saying no.

In at least one case, the reaction greatly affected the friendship, and I suppose I did hold them somewhat (but mostly myself) responsible for that.

I also had friends ask me for things that I knew they should not have, and that to one degree or another I think they did too. I’ve both said yes and no. Saying no was usually the better the choice, and more so the more wrong the request was.

When I was maybe 6 years old, a friend asked me for my tricycle. I said no. He persisted and I said no. He said he would take it and tell people I gave it to him. I said heck no. He tried to take it from me physically and I yanked it away from him and yelled at him. I should have realized he was a terrible “friend” at that point and had nothing to do with him. In practice, it took later incidents to clarify for me how terrible a “friend” he was, and to be done with him.

I had several such incidents when I was 4 to 11 or so years old, and they helped clarify several things about boundaries and caution in friendship.

I still have some people whom I could ask or do unreasonable things for, but that would almost never happen now because even if/when we start to talk about some unreasonable request, usually more reasonable reflections and support are offered instead.

And I now avoid friendships with crazy people.

stanleybmanly's avatar

I have difficulty understanding you.

kritiper's avatar

I remember your prior question and if you have to ask, then the answer must be no.

seawulf575's avatar

A favor is just that…not an obligation. If a friend asked me to do something that I couldn’t or that I felt was wrong, I would tell them no but explain why. If I asked a favor of a friend and they said no, I’d be okay with that. If they were a good friend especially.
There are some exceptions I can think of where I got annoyed with the friend, but I never held them accountable for not doing the favor. The annoyance came from the perception that favors always seem to go one way. I can think of a “friend” in my past that would ask for help with this or that and I would always try to help, regardless of whether it was something I wanted to do or not. And one time I asked for help with something and this friend wouldn’t because it wasn’t a good time…there was a ball game on. That was annoying.

Inspired_2write's avatar

“Do you think you, as a friend, ..”
As a true friend and valuing the others friendship I would NOT ask them to do something that would cost that friendship to fade away.
This is not friendship,its more of an obligation forced on another.

mazingerz88's avatar

At “shouldn’t do” is when my answer becomes…why even ask this from a friend?

“Wouldn’t do”....if it’s something like trying out a different ice cream flavor or bungee jumping I would ask.

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