Can you list some good and/or funny sayings?

I’ll start with my favourites:

The brain and the heart are discussing who is in charge. The brain said that If he goes then the body dies. The heart said the same. Then the rectum said that he has all the power. The brain and the heart laughed at him and said you can’t kill the body. The rectum said no but If I close myself then the body will get full of shit and I can keep it up until you both surrender to me. Moral of the story is that the asshole has the greatest power in an organization.

“To Computer: Is there a God?” joke
Scientists were preparing an experiment to ask the ultimate question.
They had worked for months gathering one each of every computer that was built. Finally the big day was at hand. All the computers were linked together. They asked the question, “IS THERE A GOD?”
Suddenly there was a loud crash, and in a brilliant explosion of silicon and plastic the computers fused into what appeared to the scientists to be one large computer in place of the many smaller ones.
One of the scientists raced to the printer as it finally output its answer. “There is now”, read the printout.

In politics stupidity is not a handicap. Napoleon Bonaparte

“You are not lost if you don’t care where you are going” – Unknown

Everyone is a genius
But if you judge a fish on it’s ability to climb a tree
It will live it’s whole life believing its stupid

The beatings will continue until morale improves.- unknown

If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail