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Dutchess_III's avatar

Guys: When you had unprotected sex, did it ever cross your mind to worry that she may become pregnant, or did you worry about it later?

Asked by Dutchess_III (40033points) 1 month ago

Same question to you gals. If you had unprotected sex and were not on any kind of birth control, how quickly did the fear of pregnancy rise up? Right after?

I had unprotected sex during HS once (15 years old.) I didn’t want to, but we got excited and it was so God awful, desperately important to him. He was begging, almost crying so I gave in. :( I had a decent understanding of the female ovulation cycle so I was reasonably sure I was safe….but the next few days, waiting for my period, was an agony. I’m pretty sure he never gave it a second thought.

The first time I had sex with Jerry (after my divorce, I was 31) I planned it. I got on birth control the month before (he didn’t know.) When the time came, he was happy. I remember wondering if he would ask about protection. It never crossed his mind.
Later I asked “Why not?”
He said, “I figured you had that covered.”

These are my experiences from the 70s through the 90s. Is it any different today?

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26 Answers

kritiper's avatar

She said she was on the pill and I took her at her word.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Did you ask her, or did she volunteer the information @kritiper?

elbanditoroso's avatar

Depended on the girl and the circumstance. When I was a teenager, I usually I had condoms in my pocket or nearby.

When I was in my 30s (post-divorce) it was something we talked about before we ever jumped into bed.

zenvelo's avatar

When I was in college and in my twenties, I would bring it up if she didn’t volunteer But that was when I wasn’t drunk. If I was drunk I generally forgot about it.

MrGrimm888's avatar

Ultimately, it’s up to the female. Just like the male has no say in whether an abortion is done, or not.

I liken it to Russian Roulette. The players know what the potential ramifications are.

I heard my sister talking to my niece about sex once. She was very clear that the female should not entrust any part of protection to the male. I agree, and would give similar advice to my own daughter, if I had one.

In my personal experiences, if I’m not using a condom, I use the “pull out” method. There’s a difference between unprotected sex, and not even pulling out. (I am fully aware that pulling out isn’t 100% effective in preventing pregnancy.)

Dutchess_III's avatar

Pulling out is about 0% effective.

I think that most of the time the men involved are all for the abortion. They aren’t the ones who have to do it, though, so they get off easy, and just stand back and let the women take the heat.

flutherother's avatar

We hoped it would lead to pregnancy and I’m pleased to say it did, twice.

mazingerz88's avatar

Unintentional pregnancy as a result of unprotected sex? I never worried. Not once did I lose control pulling out when I needed and wanted to. Even when I was drunk.

JLeslie's avatar

__Pulling out is actually pretty effective, definitely better than nothing. It’s not advised for very good reasons.__

Dutchess_lll's avatar

How many kids do you have now @mazingerz8?

stanleybmanly's avatar

In the middle 60s, I never knew a single woman who wasn’t on the pill. When I was in college, apparently an awful lot of women were using the pill to regulate their cycles (or so I was told). All I know is that I once again had the luck of a lifetime with all of those newly “liberated” women, and most of the men my age caged in or servicing the struggle in Vietnam. Looking back, the wonder is that with all that activity, I managed to not encounter any STDs.

MrGrimm888's avatar

Dutch. I don’t have any numbers in front of me, and I honestly don’t know how statistics could be accurately compiled, in regards to the pull out method. But I am certain that it’s better than 0%. To my knowledge, it has been an effective method in over 20 years of mostly unprotected sex (personally.)

I also disagree with your opinion of a man having no responsibility. Remember child support? Plus, I can guarantee that some females try to get pregnant, in hopes of either keeping a male, or trapping him with child support. Especially if the male is rich, or famous. Please don’t do yourself the disservice of denying that…

In addition, I know a few men who were absolutely heart broken, because they lost a potential child to an abortion they had no say in. I wonder if some women even once consider that side of an abortion.

An unwanted pregnancy is a mess. There are emotional, and financial tolls, that can really suck for both genders. Having said that, overall I do think that females get the short end of the biological stick in regards to pregnancy. Men have it worse in other departments. It just depends on the subject. Both genders have their own pros, and cons.

I have a latex allergy. Non-latex condoms don’t work well, for me, and that plays a role in my decisions about protection. In some instances, I have taken a female’s word on her being on birth control, but found out later that she lied. In my opinion, no one gender is the “villain.”

Dutchess_III's avatar

Here. It’s 1 out of 5. So you have sex with the woman more than 5 times, then she’s liable to get pregnant.

_”...a few men who were absolutely heart broken, because they lost a potential child to an abortion they had no say in. I wonder if some women even once consider that side of an abortion.” I considered it. I told my boyfriend. He didn’t hesitate like I did. I agonized over it. He did not.
And if that’s true, why aren’t we hearing more from these heartbroken guys in the middle of this controversy?

JLeslie's avatar

1 out of 5 doesn’t really work that way, but the 20% figure sounds like it could be right. I know married couples that used withdrawal for years and never got pregnant until they wanted to. I would never risk it unless I was ok to get pregnant and it was just Native a timing question. I would never trust a teenager to actually withdraw, or someone a little hi or drunk. That’s probably part of the 20%. I don’t know if that stat includes men who usually use withdrawal, but didn’t that one time. Didn’t all the way. Or, withdrew, and then did something stupid like going back inside the woman, etc. The rest could be preejaculation, but there is really very little sperm then, possibly more sperm if the man recently ejaculated. It’s like when an infertile man makes a baby. His numbers were so low it’s extremely unlikely, but it happens.

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ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

Never did it sans protection.

Dutchess_III's avatar

1 out of 5 IS 20% @JLeslie.

JLeslie's avatar

I know, I’m the one who said 20% when you write 1 in 5, I obviously know the math. What I said was it doesn’t work that if you have sex 5 times you will get preggers 1 time. It’s not like each individual has a 1 in 5 chance.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I know it’s just an “average.” I know that a person could get pregnant the 1st time, or maybe not till the 20th time or 40th time. It’s an average, not meant to be literal. I haven’t been that simple since I was in 4th grade.
My husband and I had unprotected sex for three years. We were trying for a baby, and God, it was the most frustrating, emotionally painful years of my life. Every time I started my period I just bawled . But it finally happened.

JLeslie's avatar

^^That sucks. That’s a long time. I got pregnant the first time I tried. I also got pregnant the first time I tried the second time we were trying. I miscarried as you know. 5 pregnancies total, and I got pregnant either on the first try or second. I was timing it though, and I felt my ovulation. Some months it was the only time I had sex all month. Then after I had surgery I stopped getting pregnant. Whole thing sucked. Once I miscarried twice, I never even got excited I was pregnant again, because I just thought it would be a bad pregnancy, and it always was.

kritiper's avatar

I didn’t use my real name.

MrGrimm888's avatar

Dutch. You don’t hear more about it, because males are preconditioned to not show emotions…

Dutchess_III's avatar

Bullshit. They don’t feel the least bit responsible @MrGrimm888. They don’t care. And most certainly the male politicians don’t care. But they certainly have no problem getting “all emotional” about something like this to get the votes.

MrGrimm888's avatar

Dutch. I understand that it is in your nature to vilify ALL men. I guess you are just “woman-splaining”... Thanks for telling me how we think.

I should have known this question was just flamebait, by the way it was worded, and who asked it…

I would still be getting nailed to a cross, if I asked a question along the lines of “women. When you’re letting a man have unprotected sex with you, does it ever cross your mind that you will have to carry a child, have it tear itself out of you, or if you’ll have to decide to use abortion as a form of self control?”

As usual, I regret thinking that you will be remotely unbiased in regards to any questions regarding gender. I hope you got your male bashing fix, for the week…

kritiper's avatar

I care. I asked. I’m sure there are others…

Dutchess_III's avatar

I think most of our boy jellies do care. Most of all y’all are a cut above the average.

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