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Harper1234's avatar

Where do you find the strength to leave a S/O?

Asked by Harper1234 (811points) June 20th, 2019

As stated

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16 Answers

Zaku's avatar

Great question. For me it took events that gave me moments of clarity, where I could see how unworkable it was, and it was still extremely difficult and I ended up slowly doing things that made the situation less and less tolerable.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Once was abusive so it wasnt hard.

Another was a giant redheaded sweetheart and two redheads just couldnt get it right. I left because we wanted different things in life.

Without details, just really think about living without them forever. If you can deal with that calmly and think its best, leave. Sometimes you cant go back, so make sure.

As far as finding the strength, being mad helps.

SaganRitual's avatar

Really sorry for you, if you’re asking for yourself.

Sad to say, the fact that you’re asking the question means that you might not find the strength to do it. You might have to do it without the strength. I had to do it once. She was The One. When I ended it, I didn’t feel better. I felt way worse. For a long time. That was ten freaking years ago, and I still miss her. If you’re talking about the strength to feel good about your decision, there might be none for you. Sometimes, we just suffer, and there’s nothing to be done for it.

If I’ve completely misjudged your situation, I apologize for making you read this far.

So sorry for what you’re going through. Peace and luck to you both.

Dutchess_lll's avatar

These guys said it all much more eloquently than I can.

kritiper's avatar

Tough call. But you realize the end when you find you’re beating a dead horse.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

I broke up with a man twice. The first time was very traumatic. He mistreated me. After 3-month break, we got back together. His heart was never in it, so I ended it after 6 months. It still hurt, but I feel infinitely better now. It was a good decision.

My psychologist explained we go back to old flames, because we want it to turn out differently this time. It won’t. He further explained we often pick difficult people to love, because we are trying to fix a broken relationship with a parent. I wanted that man to love me in the way I wanted love from my mother that I never received.

Inspired_2write's avatar

When the pain of being with that person is greater then the fulfillment.
I sacrificed too much as well as my kids too, so I realized that I was the only responsible one in this half marriage.
I had married an irresponsible “boy” who would never grow up.
I sought counselling and the counselled stated that I really had 4 kids not just three..meaning that my husband was like a child, that needed parenting still.
Counselor told me that immature, irresponsible men seek out strong women consciously or unconsciously in order to be looked after for life, since they didn’t get that from there parents?

Dutchess_lll's avatar

The old flame is also familiar.

ragingloli's avatar

You go to the gym every day, lifting, lifting, and lifting, until you have the raw physical strength to hurl him over the railing.

Patty_Melt's avatar

Actually, @ragingloli is the closest answer here to best advice.

What you need is strength, but not necessarily muscle mass.
I think the biggest fail the women’s shelters have, is not educating women in the things which will best help them to survive without a man’s help.

YouTube can provide a lot of that now.

Anyway, inner strength is what is needed. Anger is not always the reason for leaving a S/O.
Disappointment, lack of trust, lack of affection, lack of most any type of nurturing is not only the most common reason for wanting to leave a relationship, but also a common reason for being afraid to leave. If I. Can’t get _______ here, can I ever find it somewhere else?
So inner strength, recognizing what is holding someone back from leaving, and finding that within theirself is the necessary strength to successfully leave.

In short, recognize that this significant other is insignificant, and walk away chin up.

ragingloli's avatar

Someone told me the other day, that he felt bad for single people, because they are lonely all the time. I told him, that’s not true. I’m single and I don’t feel lonely. I take myself out to eat, I buy myself clothes. I have great times by myself. Once you know how to take care of yourself, company becomes an option and not a necessity.”
– Keanu Reeves

Aster's avatar

You have to arrive at the point where you just know that any living arrangement would be far superior to that in which you’re living now. You imagine another day with your s/o and you know it’s not something you care to do. Finally, you are convinced your s/o is not somebody you’d ever want in your life again. Respect is gone.
It took bravery, determination and severe emotional pain but was well worth it. And I took my teenager with me.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@ragingloli You can also be very lonely in a marriage, relationship, or a room full of people.

I feel that way a lot, especially around drunks.

mazingerz88's avatar

I never found the strength. They had and they have to be the one to leave.

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