Social Question

Mimishu1995's avatar

What do you think of this attitude toward relationships?

Asked by Mimishu1995 (16593points) 2 weeks ago

I start to notice this trend among young people, particularly people my age. They hook up with someone and go on dates but they are not committed to the partner. They say they just want to gain experience on dating before going for the real deal.

To me the attitude just seem so… jarring. A person’s feeling isn’t something you can play with like a toy or a lab tool. It would be heartbreaking for the partner who is actually committed to the relationship. What would you think if your partner just broke up with you for no reason and said “Sorry honey, this whole time I was just using you to practise falling in love. Nothing personal”?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

27 Answers

Blondesjon's avatar

Young love is always heartbreaking. I wish I had thought to practice at that age, but everything seemed so immediate and end of the world at the time.

Patty_Melt's avatar

In the US, it used to be common to date people with little or no expectancy of getting married. Some of that dating led to premarital as l sex, but mostly it didn’t.
Then the sixties happened, and a dramatic split occurred. Some teens and early twenties were still involved in dating as a means to know more about each other. A great many though were having sex like watching television; changing channels back and forth, many times not knowing the name, just wanting entertainment. Parties were common where couples used drugs and had sex, and changed partners, one couple joining with another.
They considered these behaviors freedom.

Politics, schools, parents, media, many things can be blamed for changing trends. The thing is, environments change. Everything is to blame and nothing is to blame.

Dating for practice does work out for some people. For others it can be painful. If two people agree to date without promise for the future, then they can’t be surprised when one tells the other it is time to quit. It isn’t wrong for the people who can handle the goodbyes. It is wrong to date that way for people who only enter into dating with expectations for a future together.
Yes, people can get hurt when they think they are practicing dating, and then realize they are in love but their date is not.

I say all these things not to support either a vote for or against. I say all these things to point out either way will be right for some, wrong for others.

If you find it confusing or without merit for you, then you should not try this, or at least not before you can feel better. If friends pressure you, do only what you feel comfortable with. Their opinions are not law, not even often important.
One thing is for certain. Before you date anyone, you should have a serious conversation about what each of you want from the other.
Social changes can be difficult. Keep talking about this with us, or at least those you feel comfortable talking with.

stanleybmanly's avatar

Your country is in the curve through which Western societies have passed. I’m surprised at your perceptions Mimi, but I suspect they have a lot to do with the Catholic traditions your country inherited from the French. It was the arrival of the pill in the 60s that freed up attitudes regarding sex outside marriage, and literally liberated women to options regarded as reckless before—thus the sexual revolution, with women free to pursue experiences (at least theoretically to the same extent as men. And societal attitudes quickly shifted regarding women, virtue and sex.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Maybe the trend of establishing a career before getting married later in life is spreading to more traditional areas now. Wouldnt surprise me.

Here casual dating without expectation of marriage is fairly normal now, althoughwe usually state that honestly up front. A person can still get hurt if they catch feelings. Being heartless and NOT stating it at the start is a pretty bad thing for someone to do.

kritiper's avatar

If people have that type of attitude towards dating I would say that they are messed up!

Inspired_2write's avatar

I think the term for that is called being a “player’, one who changes partners frequently.
A lot of people that have expectations get hurt.
Others avoid this type of person.

kritiper's avatar

I feel that if a guy is a “player,” all he’s looking to do is get laid. If a chick is a “player,” all she’s looking for is a good time socially at some guy’s expense.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Wait….is “dating” a euphemism for sex? If so, sex is never something I took lightly or casually, and certainly never had sex with someone with whom there was no chance for a long term, monogamous relationship with.

kritiper's avatar

A friend of mine thinks that if a girl agrees to a date, she’s agreeing to sex. I don’t look at it that way at all, and I don’t think the vast majority of men do.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I have never experienced a male thinking that me agreeing to a date meant I was agreeing to sex. I did quickly learned to never accept a drink from a male at a bar, or to accept assistance of any kind from a male, if I could at all help it. Many think that if they help me, I owe them.

kritiper's avatar

Helping a woman does help in the process of scoring, that’s a fact. I’m sure they realize it doesn’t guarantee the score.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Well, one time I was cussed out and called an ungrateful fucking bitch because I wouldn’t go have drinks with a guy who stopped to “help me out” when I had a flat tire. I told him I didn’t need help but he insisted,then got very threatening when I wouldn’t pay him back.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Dutchess_III Same, one guy said if they (him and his buddy) chose to rape me, what would I do.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I got slapped with that a couple of times. ;(

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Dutchess_III That one scared me tbh.

Dutchess_III's avatar

It is terrifying.

seawulf575's avatar

I see nothing wrong with going out on dates with different people, without making it a ‘til-death-do-us-part relationship. The whole point behind dating is to get to know someone. I know have gone on many dates and didn’t feel like I owed the other person anything other than common courtesy.

Inspired_2write's avatar

@KNOWITALL
Wow! I would had stated that I would call the Police, but in that situation you don’t know if you will live?

Inspired_2write's avatar

@kritiper
“Helping a woman does help in the process of scoring, that’s a fact. I’m sure they realize it doesn’t guarantee the score.”
Gawd! The fact that they EXPECT to score is troubling!
Your friend may be in jail one day if he doesn’t understand that women have rights and that he has NO right to expect that!

kritiper's avatar

@Inspired_2write I do hope that all men don’t think like that. Hoping to score is different than expecting to score. And all guys at least hope to score at some time.
(My friend is the only person I have ever ran across that thought that way that I know of.)

Mimishu1995's avatar

I think I need to clarify this: the people who participate in this “practice” usually don’t tell the other side they are doing it. Most of the time it’s a solidarity decision or at least that’s what the people I meet say. This also contribute to why the attitude doesn’t sit right with me.

I have no problem with sex and things like that, but when someone dates me and makes me feel I’m in love, then pulls out all of a sudden because of “practice”, that’s unacceptable to me. My feeling is not a toy to be played with like that. If you come to me with the intention to experience sex, then at least ask me if I agree first, otherwise you’re better off hooking up with a prostitute.

nerdgirl578's avatar

As far as I’m concerned it depends on the situation. If it’s stated up front it’s casual (or obvious, like a sex app or something) then ok. Even so, it can be hard to keep feelings completely out of the way sometimes…

KNOWITALL's avatar

@inspired It was out in the backwoods at my grandparents. Only my elderly gpa was home. Us versus two younger guys may have gotten us both killed.

Inspired_2write's avatar

@KNOWITALL I hope that you reported it? Or told an adult?
Scary.

dabbler's avatar

I think the original post describes an age-old situation where one partner is more ‘in love’ than the other. This is far from new. It is certainly a heartbreak for the person more in love.
People really do have different wants and needs… and sometimes morals about how to get them.

It’s a good example of why people should know what they want out of a relationship and how to express that to another. Also a good example of why Never make assumptions about love or any other important aspect of life.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I’d put $100 down that she didn’t tell anyone. I never did, either.

Gizzy11's avatar

It wouldn’t bother me. At least she didn’t play on my feelings for her and continuously use me for personal gain.I believe in honesty up front that way there are no misconceptions later. I don’t see nothing wrong with dating and having fun. If more people thought that way and took their time when it comes to choosing a partner the world would be a better place

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther