@snowberry – Thank you!
Note- One-time, my mom warned the cops about him in our area and told the cops about how he took money and never repaid, he knows about that.
Note- I might have a few things on him ACTUALLY- Sex wasn’t manipulated, there was ALWAYS consent before I came over (over text) and when I got there, but the very first time we hooked up, he kept saying,
“Shhh” through-out the experience (when ever I would talk) and I kept getting tense, I felt as though something seemed not right and abusive with him saying,
“Shhh,” usually your suppose to communicate on what you like, and don’t like through-out for-play and sex and you have to say,
“Hey, is this still good?”
Then later in the relationship, he told me about something he always wanted to happen during for-play, a few months later he told me,
“I can tell your not cool with it,”
but he would still get agitated when he wouldn’t get it and wouldn’t get his way
(that’s boarder-line rape because he knew I wasn’t cool with it, but was still getting mad and trying to force it, but not by physical force).
One time, he sent a text saying,
“What if you had no choice and I said i’m going to make you do it?” (rape).
Then one-time, during for-play, I started talking and even began to say I wasn’t cool with doing it and he said,
“Shut up. Just do it,” no physical force was involved, but again, I tensed up.
(Tensing up would be the same as the freeze response). It just didn’t feel right and seemed like he was trying to force it by words, so maybe it was a form of rape.
Rape is when your disrespectful, use words like,
“Shut up” and physically force things, it seemed abusive and when your abusive during sex, it can count as rape- rape is abuse during sex (I think).
My friends all thought at the beginning he seemed weird and creepy and like he was someone who seemed capable of committing a crime like that- due to the fact there was quick involvement, then be backed off right away. He once made a comment saying,
“Does kissing lead to sex?”
No buddy, there HAS to be consent.
One-time my mom didn’t know he existed and didn’t know anything about the situation at the time and she was saying things at the time the situation was going on like,
“God allows things, but he can intercede at anytime.”
Or,
“Sometimes, an angle can stop you from making another mistake. An outcome can always change,”
mom’s have good instincts and she probably meant, the outcome of something bad happening in the future (like; him needing money again and being in a desperate situation). I’ve been told by a friend and my mom,
“People do desperate things in desperate situations.”
AND by her saying,
“Sometimes, an angle can stop you from making another mistake,”
she probably meant- the 1st mistake- signing the lease and the 2nd mistake- to let him back in next time he’s desperate for money.
That is actually great advice because a month ago- the day literally BEFORE he ended the relationship, he DID say,
“Your parents need to think were done for a while,”
my family and the other persons family who was on the lease too- all thought he was going to try and squat at the apartment for as long as he can,
my mom told me the next day,
“I’m sure he has a back up plan, but he might have a few tricks up his sleeve, so just stay away from him just in case,”
then the property manager changed the locks and he wasn’t aloud in the apartment and we got rid of the apartment shortly after.
Then when he ended the relationship he said,
“There’s no reason to talk. I lost the apartment, I lost all my stuff. Is there something you want to say? I’ll pay you back though.”
Then he told me,
“You know that’s harassment, what your doing? Your harassing me,” I got agitated with him and said,
“I don’t get why your acting this way. It’s not my fault that you lost the apartment and I feel like your blaming me.”
I was upset that he told me I was harassing him because thing is, he harasses me every-time he wants something (money or sex), then plays games when he doesn’t get his way and it makes me think,
“So it’s okay for you to be stand-offish and be done, but if I were to say no to money or sex, it wouldn’t be okay and he wouldn’t back down till he gets his way,”
also- a long time ago, an old co worker of ours once told me he use to “stalk”
his sister where she works, and I’ve also heard from old co workers where him and I use to work that he use to give some girls unwanted attention- I don’t know, if it’s true, but if it is, then he’s calling me the stalker, YET people have said bad things about him.
Although, I’m sure once he’s done, he’s done, but still.
So basically 2–3 weeks ago (after he told me what I’m doing is harassment),
I will admit, I did reach out to him 2–3 times
(because I really needed my purse back that I left at the apartment and my hoodie he barrowed a while ago, but never returned).
The 2nd and 3rd time were for the money, he said he would pay me back.
But each time, he said,
“Stop contacting me. I have a report against you”
or,
“I have a pending report against you.”
my reply to that 2 weeks ago was,
“Okay, you said you were going to pay me back, but your such a liar, as always. And saying something mean about his son too…,” but I never wrote anything threatening and he JUST read the reply a few weeks later (this week) and a couple of days ago he wrote back,
“I tried to warn you. You did not listen. And you bringing my son into this, you have crossed the line and took this too far. Your threats will be stopped. You saying what you said about my son is very alarming to me and my family. And I feel my son is in danger now. You don’t understand you are committing crimes by your actions; stalking, harassing. You will tomorrow. Be prepared for what is next. Be expecting a call from the sheriff tomorrow. You took this way too far. The report will be made tomorrow,”
then I explained to him how I felt when he told me,
“Shhh,” and “Shut up. Just do it,”
and how I believe that it basically was rape or a form of it, more so when he would try, and get me to do something he knew I wasn’t cool with and get agitated when he wouldn’t get it.
And he said,
“Your lies won’t work. I have no clue what you are talking about. God sees everything,”
next day he calls me, then I find out a few hours later he made a report and the officer told me he was going to come in the morning and fill out a- no contact form- which lasts 21 days, then court (I think). Then today, I told the officer my side to the story, and what happened exactly and how my friends, family doesn’t trust him, that he’s a sociopath as well, that he might be mad about losing the apartment, the officer said,
“Yeah, just stay away from him then. It’s a bad sign, if your friends and family don’t trust him and what he might be capable of.”
He could just be making a report, just to have something against me
(in-case something happens between us or he needs money again- since my mom made a report against him),
after all, he is a sociopath.
Another note- When he ended the relationship, he also made a comment saying,
“I’ll keep hooking up with Melissa. Melissa can do this better in for-play then you can and she’s no afraid to do it.”
(I know for sure he’s not hooking up with Melissa. AND- he was either saying that to get me to lease OR because he knew I would get jealous and he was saying it as manipulation- seems highly manipulate).
Another note- My parents said, him being mad about losing the apartment is manipulation and that it’s only manipulation, if I let it be.
But maybe I can find the texts of him saying,
“What if I said you have no choice and that i’ll make you do it?”
and I have another text of him being pushy with it back around the holidays, so maybe I can look for that text too and make a report on him, in case anything happens for the thing he was trying to force. PLUS. I can tell the cops I feel unsafe about him too. The cop DID ask me, if there’s anything I wanted to report on him, but I missed that opportunity.
But what do you think??
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