Social Question

Dutchess_III's avatar

Ladies, what kind of behaviors from guys that you've just met do you find to be a total turn off no matter how handsome they are?

Asked by Dutchess_III (41921points) August 14th, 2019

A guy approaches you in a club or whatever. What does he do to get your interest, or what does he do for you to calmly, but firmly, tell him to get lost?

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35 Answers

raum's avatar

You lost me at “club”.

Now if you were asking what I’d think about a guy that approached me in a library or even at the grocery store, that’s another thing.

elbanditoroso's avatar

Although it’s none of my business, I’m curious if @Dutchess_III is planning drastic changes to her life

- meeting guys at clubs

- getting rid of her Escalade (maybe trading in for a sports car???)

Yellowdog's avatar

@elbanditoroso She (@Dutchess III ) just answered my question about what makes a person attractive. That’s probably all it is.

I think its an excellent question.

I tend to think that if a guy had never accomplished anything and you (the woman) is at least moderately accomplished career-wise, and the guy is really attracted to you and you don’t want to give any hope of a relationship, that may be it. But I’m a guy so I don’t know what women think. And yes, I’d like to know, Great question.

JLeslie's avatar

I haven’t been single in a long time, but from memory:

If their first approach is asking me to slow dance.

Already drunk.

Very sweaty or greasy looking, unless they have been dancing all night already.

kritiper's avatar

Here’s an obvious one from an article in Playboy, July 1994; “The Rules of Dating” by Tracey Pepper.
“Say you spot an attractive woman in a bar. If she is engaged in what looks like a conversation with a girlfriend, don’t approach her and stand there humming like Gomer-fucking-Pyle, waiting for her to finish talking. There is nothing more irritating than a man who expects to be paid attention to simply because he is male. Some women go to bars to drink, smoke and talk with the people they’re with. They do not necessarily go to secure a spot on your dance card. Be considerate.”

chyna's avatar

Plopping down at my table without being asked.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Mine was if a guy asked me to dance and I said no and they cussed me out and called me a bitch…well. Don’t ask again. After slow dancing with a stranger one time, early in my clubbing days, who took the opportunity to grope me, I made a rule to never slow dance with a stranger, so I turned down a lot of guys. Most of them were OK with it. Some can get down right violent about being “rejected.”
When my sister and I were were 18 and 21 Dad (who was recently divorced from Mom) took us to a nice club. While he was on the dance floor some guy asked my sister to dance. She politely declined.
He got right up in her face and called her a fucking bitch.
When dad, who was 6’5” got back to the table and saw her ashen, shaken behavior he asked what happened. She told him and pointed him out.
Dad walks over and says, “Excuse me. That is my daughter and we need to step outside.”
Dude jumps up to fight….then realized he’s looking up and up and up, and was suddenly very interested in apologizing after all.

KNOWITALL's avatar

For me, the quiet guy, minding his own business, playing pool or sipping a beer, that’s the guy I gravitate to. For him to catch my interest usually just start a conversation, buy me a drink, ask me to play darts or something, usually works. Or if you really want to score high, show me your dog haha!

The loud, drunk guys, are usually the one night stand, terrible in bed types, dime a dozen and avoid like the plague.

I’ve dated plenty of guys who aren’t classically handsome, looks just don’t matter a whole lot to me. My husband is fairly average, 150lbs, but one of the nicest guys around. Anyone needs help, old folks need a tire changed, run out of gas, he’ll always stop to help.

ragingloli's avatar

Smoking, being drunk, taking drugs, open sexism and misogyny, being an adherent to right wing ideology.
And that is just the start.

Dutchess_III's avatar

How long does it take you to figure all of that out @ragingloli?

jca2's avatar

I don’t go to clubs or bars (I’m not opposed to them but I just don’t go) and I think when people are drinking, that’s not the best time to evaluate their personalities. Drinking can make shy people not be so shy, and it can make people act out in ways that is totally unlike the way they are otherwise.

Turn-offs, for me, are anger issues, someone totally opinionated (calling others names about their political beliefs, etc.), loud, obnoxious, conceited. That’s the start.

KNOWITALL's avatar

And don’t forget the lecherous boob stare, like your head/body doesn’t exist….haha!

Dutchess_III's avatar

@jca2 this was my pre-married me, when I was in college and when all my friends were single. The last time I was in a bar it was with Rick, about 8 years ago, and we were watching the Super Bowl. We used to go and shoot pool but haven’t been in a long, long time.

Right @KNOWITALL? And some are dumb enough to make specific, lecherous comments like, “Your body is just MADE for sex!”...and I’m supposed to be flattered! That’s the part that floors me. They don’t get why I abruptly walk away. “Hey! Where you going! Aren’t you going to say thank you and throw yourself at me??”

Yellowdog's avatar

I realize that this is more about immediate and soon-thereafter impressions, and
@ragingloli is probably talking about what in general you could not tolerate.

I would’t rule out someone from the other side of the political or religious spectrum, even though I might have opposing views. Unless that person’s “right wing ideology” made them a gun nut, have anger issues, resent or insult other races, or, as you said, open sexism and misogyny,

I am a Christian and a center-right ideology but I had a Jewish girlfriend and a girl that was a flaming liberal. I think they came to not like ME, but that was always their own prejudices. I accept and can be attracted to anyone as long as they are decent, well-intentioned individuals,.I LOVE engaging in opposing views as long as the person and I “like” each other on some level, or respect each other.

I would consider a great political debate or argument to be a turn on, if it involves mental challenge and desire to make the world, people’s lives, better.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I guess my question was more aimed toward first impressions. Those women had to have made a favorable first impression on you for you to develop more of a relationship.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Dutchess_III Check this one out “You have nice childbearing hips.”

This to a woman not planning on children, is NOT a compliment…haha!

Yellowdog's avatar

Well, I’ve turned a lot of girls off most my life.

I think what I’VE done to turn women off on first impressions, is, lack of confidence. Hovering around and waiting for a woman to feel at ease with me usually has an opposite effect. Guys should approach women directly and honestly, and not just hang around with the women not knowing who he is, what he wants, and the guy can’t be nervous and tense.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Shit @KNOWITALL. He had a little bit of education.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Dutchess_III Don’t even get me started on how hot an intelligent man is, sister. Heady stuff right there!

@Yellowdog Confidence can be an attractive quality, but being humble and a bit shy has a charm of it’s own. It’s just finding the right combo in the person you like, I suppose. I think you seem like a very nice person. :)

ragingloli's avatar

They let it all hang out in the open, like the dick pics of their tiny wieners.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Which some of them actually think we like??!! That one truly has me baffled. I’d throw up if I got a picture of one of them nasty things on my phone.

ragingloli's avatar

It is like that dirty, sweaty, rotten-toothed Manson hippie acolyte from Tarantino’s newest film.
Completely gross.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I refuse to watch Tarantino! REFUSE!!!

ragingloli's avatar

You are missing out on some of the best movies existing today.

ragingloli's avatar

There is a beautiful dog in it, that mangles one of the Manson cult member’s balls.

Dutchess_III's avatar

That’s what Rarebear says, but no thank you.
But gee. Mangles a Manson cult member’s balls. This I really gotta see.

ragingloli's avatar

One gets her faced bashed in against a fireplace by Brad Pitt.
And DiCaprio torches another one with a flame thrower.
It is so great.

chyna's avatar

Does the dog die?

ragingloli's avatar

The dog lives.

Dutchess_lll's avatar

See I can’t handle seeing my favorite stars acting like that!

Yellowdog's avatar

If someone smells like they have bowel or bladder problems, that would gross all of you out. No matter how good looking the guy was.

ragingloli's avatar

Unless you are into scat and watersports.

Pinguidchance's avatar

“LADIES, what kind of behaviors from guys that you’ve just met do you find to be a total turn off no matter how handsome they are?”


“Smoking, being drunk, taking drugs, open sexism and misogyny, being an adherent to right wing ideology.
And that is just the start.”

I’m willing to change if you are.

Perhaps we could catch a Tarantino flick one night, my shout, and I agree about the overt sexism.

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