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intothevoid's avatar

Obsessive thoughts?

Asked by intothevoid (15points) 3 weeks ago

I can’t stop thinking, about EVERYTHING. If I drink something, I will go over and over in my mind and try to remember how it tasted. And when I try to forget and watch a movie, I CAN’T. I will have to pause it and go over it again and again and again. When I watch a movie, sometimes I will become obsessed with a character and can go up to 3 months thinking about scenes over and over, and I will excessively watch them. Even if I do’nt care about the character that much. If I knock something over, I cannot stop thinking about it and will HAVE to pick it up. I will give you a little preview of how my mind works… :

Just got done drinking something
Mango. It tasted like mango.
The taste will repeat over and over
in my mind, and I have to have it,
I have to drink it again so I can stop thinking
about it. And when I am done drinking it, I will
replay it until I can get it again.
And since I am broke, I cannot satisfy my addiction ALL the time. BUT, I will obsess over it and I can’t enjoy things I like doing if I cannot stop thinking. My thoughts rule my life and make it extremely difficult for me to concentrate. I want it to stop, I don’t want to think this much anymore. Nobody understands, they try to, they say that they too, think a lot. But they don’t understand, they couldn’t. Unfortunately, since I think so much, things I feel guilt over will haunt me for the rest of my life. And they won’t ever go away. I’d say out of every excessive thought I have, my guilt of things I have done fit in the top category. And it is one of the worst things about me and I wish I could ease it. Every moment of my life is spent going over things I do. Sometimes I will look up and see something thats not in place and when I do, I will HAVE to organize it. I’m generally a messy person and don’t clean messes all the time or have everything in perfect order, but when I tell myself that I need to fix something I will have to fix it. If a picture frame is not right or is on sideways and I notice it, I won’t always care. It’s only when I stop to think about it that I have to do something about it. Sometimes I feel like having blurry vision is better for me, because when I put my glasses on, EVERYTHING is wrong and it stresses me out. So I don’t fix it. I don’t pick the empty vegetable cans up off the counter that someone left. I won’t sweep the floor or fix the rust and burnt stuff off the stove, because I won’t change anything. I can’t fix everything and so I choose not to fix anything. Because once I notice something and fix it, I feel very compelled to do the same with everything else and I won’t stop cleaning until I feel nauseous and like I’m gonna pass out. And by the end of it all, when I am done cleaning for 6 hours straight, I feel restless and without purpose. I don’t know what is wrong with me, but I want to stop it. Any possible answers for me would be nice. Thank you for reading this far.

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1 Answer

seawulf575's avatar

Sounds like a bit of OCD to me. I would suggest talking to a professional and not to the amateurs here on Fluther. The professional will know the signs and symptoms, will know the questions to ask to get answers, what tests to run, and what treatments are available and how effective they can be.

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