General Question

honeybun35's avatar

Is it possible for a man to grow feelings over time?

Asked by honeybun35 (230points) 3 weeks ago

I’m just wondering how different men and woman are when it comes to sexual relationships.

Men can sleep with a woman for years ,act jealous and still not feel a thing for her.Female can act jealous for real but her heart is broken.

It’s always said that if it’s no relationship the man can’t have feelings

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56 Answers

Response moderated (Unhelpful)
Yellowdog's avatar

Check the men out you are dealing with.

Men can have feelings that last a lifetime in a healthy relationship, and some of us don’t care for sex that much. But in a healthy relationship, sex is a part of it.

Our culture and society is built on healthy relationships, usually marital relationships, and families that have problems but do okay because of individual fortitude and healthy relationships.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

@honeybun35 How old are you for real?

kritiper's avatar

I would think that might be true. If a man doesn’t have it pretty much from the start, he’ll never get it. In fact, he may grow to loathe the thing.

honeybun35's avatar

Are you asking me a question back or is that your answer

stanleybmanly's avatar

Give it up honeybun. Dump the critter if all you are going to do is suffer out loud here. He isn’t worth destroying yourself. Walk away, and the next time he calls, tell him to get a hooker and slam the phone in his face.You’ve already saved this man a fortune. Wise up.

Kardamom's avatar

A man could, but it is more likely, that over time, if he didn’t have loving feelings in the first place, and he was just using the woman for sex, he is more likely to end up getting tired of the woman.

In your case, you have a FWB situation. You have fallen in love, it appears that he has not, but the only way you can know for sure is to ask him. Never assume anything, and never try to guess, because you will almost always be wrong.

Why won’t you just ask him? If you love him, and he doesn’t love you, I would think that would be awkward at best, and excruciating at worst.

I would rather be alone (living life to the fullest, on my own terms) than to stay with someone who didn’t love me.

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
janbb's avatar

Talk it over with him. You keep asking the same question. There’s nothing more we can say.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Imo, you need to either go 100% full in or cut it off. FWB usually has a time stamp, you’ve caught feelings and want to change the rules. If you want to keep him, straight up tell him. Boys can be dumb, speak up and be a boss lady.

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ZEPHYRA's avatar

Wave goodbye and be on your way. How much more time and heartache can you spare?

honeybun35's avatar

I can’t take no more it’s making me sick mentally.im in love and need him

stanleybmanly's avatar

You’ve gotta tough it out. Tell yourself “at least it ain’t heroin”. Then consider that there are men out there who would appreciate you and treat you better. Meantime, get a cat or dog or both. Do your research and find the cuddlers. Soldier on honeybun. Mr. right can still be in your future.

Inspired_2write's avatar

I got this on Facebook the other day with no link so I will copy paste it hear as this was Very good advice to share with you. I hope that it helps you to see clearly in regards to your relationship problem.

I cooked when I was asked. I cleaned dirty britches & dirty dishes & everything in between. I was supportive. I was patient. I was nurturing. I was understanding. I was goal oriented. I was encouraging. I was loving. I tried to look as pretty as I possibly could. I was forgiving. I was an ear. I was a shoulder. I was a confidant. I was a believer. I was a fighter. I was adventurous. I was thoughtful. I was loyal. I would sacrifice my self & my mind…for love. Because I was human. I was a friend. I was a lover. I was a woman.
I was a good woman.

Yet & still,
I was not enough for the wrong man.

Do you hear me?

I was enough. I was more than enough.
But for the wrong man,
It did not matter.

Moral of the story – you may be the rib, but a rib cannot fit comfortably in a body it was not designed for.

Did you catch that?

Know your worth & never ever settle for less than you deserve. A woman who truly knows her value will only put up with nonsense for so long. Stop trying to find the right man & start working on yourself to be the right woman. Always trust God’s plan & His timing

elbanditoroso's avatar

It’s also entirely possible for a man to be friends with a woman for 20 years and then decide she is no longer meeting his needs, sexually, emotionally, intellectually. That’s when he decides to change the rules of the game.

Note: It isn’t only men who do this. Women are champs at playing this game as well.

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
elbanditoroso's avatar

@honeybun35 I meant – he got tired of you and is looking for indirect ways to dump you by changing the rules of the game.

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
Response moderated (Unhelpful)
anniereborn's avatar

@honeybun35 I’m guessing he does it for easy sex?

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
gorillapaws's avatar

Yes it’s possible.

Sadly in your case, I suspect the guy thinks of you as a convenient receptacle for his penis. Sorry to be a dick, but if he hasn’t made his intentions clear after 20 years, then he’s making his intentions clear in a different way.

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
raum's avatar

That’s harsh, man.
But probably true.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Wait… you need someone who is using you and otherwise treating you like shit? Man, you need some counseling.

honeybun35's avatar

No , I did not say that.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Yes, you did.
“I can’t take no more it’s making me sick mentally.im in love and need him”

I bet he’s married, too.

honeybun35's avatar

He is not. If you have followed any of my post you will see that we have been friends for 18 yrs. He doesn’t even live with a female. He is single and not in a relationship.

Dutchess_III's avatar

And how do you know this? Is that what he tells you?

honeybun35's avatar

No it is a fact. Are you not listening. I know him and his family I have known him for years. It’s not what he is telling me. Have you not seen I been to his house are you slow? Maybe you just want to pick out the parts that you want. I can’t make my self any clearer.

jca2's avatar

@honeybun35: Have you told him yet?

What are you waiting for?

If he’s your neighbor, you must see him a lot. Let him know how you feel!

Let us know how it goes.

honeybun35's avatar

We started off as neighbors many years ago.Than lost contact then years later reconnected.I love him

jca2's avatar

@honeybun35: Did you tell him yet?

stanleybmanly's avatar

So what is it you want from him honeybun? Compare that with what you expect from him. And be honest about it.

Sagacious's avatar

It is said. By whom?

OK. Everyone can develop feelings for others. That is human nature. It isn’t complicated.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Look, they’ve been Friend’s With Benefits for 20 years she says. They’ll go for a long time without seeing each other, then he gets horny and rings her up. Now she’s saying that she loves him, but she doesn’t think the feeling is mutual.

stanleybmanly's avatar

That’s my take as well. These questions here demanding our adherence to the possibility of a “happy ending” are exhaustive in their futility. Long in the tooth desperation is not sufficient reason to invent fantasies countering the truth obvious to all paying attention. This is a clear cut case of old enough to know better. There is no polite way around it. I will concede to the poor woman the possibility that her lover may be fond of her. But she should never be permitted to dodge the reality in the adage: if the milk is free, why commit to buying the cow? Accept the fact that he enjoys the milk, but don’t tell us it amounts to more.

jca2's avatar

Plus he already knows she has multiple partners because she said it on one of the threads. He may be wondering if there are more. He may like to fool around with that but not marry it.

honeybun35's avatar

What are you even talking about? You’re not following my thread I think everyone knows who my thread is about

jca2's avatar

Then there’s a third guy (the FWB) in addition to the two in the q I linked, @honeybun35.

jca2's avatar

@honeybun35: I don’t understand why you ask the same question five or six different times in five or six different ways, the majority of Fluther users tell you the same thing (they all share the same opinion of your FBW situation), and you argue and act hostile on every thread, with everyone who tells you that they don’t think the situation is a good one.

honeybun35's avatar

What third guy evidently you not reading my thread. what time period are you in.Question been about the same person. You said it yourself now trying turn my threads around.

honeybun35's avatar

FYI that link you call yourself showing is the same guy .What are you trying to prove.You’re investigating my post.Cute!!! Thanks for the interest.

jca2's avatar

You wrote: “So, while we were together I was updating him about a situation that I had with someone during the time I hadn’t seen him. He said “You’re talking about another guy while you’re on me.” He made me get off and wouldn’t let me touch him.”

Of course I’m investigating your posts. You told me to above. You said above ” If you have followed any of my post ” which tells me you want us to follow your posts.

honeybun35's avatar

what year is that? How long ago was that? So if you are following you will see we had to reconnect. That is old . The threads now area bout him. First of all we are not a couple so of course in the past I had relations with someone else. Now 2019 the post are him you are digging on very old post. I haven’t even used this site in a while so what are you talking about.
Again what time period was this? Check the year that so old

jca2's avatar

@honeybun35: Why are you hostile with anybody who tells you that this is not a good situation? Why ask a question if you are going to argue with people who answer it in a way that you disagree with?

How about if everyone says “This is a great relationship and it sounds like you have a wonderful future together?

honeybun35's avatar

Lol wow I am hostile because I am correcting you about the thread you tried to use against me that is old. You are trying to start an argument on my post. Stay off my post being negative. You’re the only one that is going back and forth trying to argue.

jca2's avatar

No argument. I’ll be on your post if I want to but it sounds like a wonderful situation and great relationship!

Dutchess_III's avatar

I agree. He is really, deeply in love with her. He’s just hiding it really well.

jca2's avatar

I hear wedding bells LOL.

gorillapaws's avatar

I think if she fucks him hard enough, eventually (like 10–20 more years) he’ll develop a deep emotional connection and heartfelt respect for her.

Kardamom's avatar

He hits her “G” spot. That g stands for Good God! And Get on with your life. And Groan.

@honeybun35. You have asked this question multiple times, in multiple ways. Sometimes you change up the details just enough to cause a little confusion, or maybe a diversion, so that some people who are not paying attention (or investigating) will take sympathy and tell you that this FWB dude is super awesome, and loves you, and wants to marry you.

He isn’t, and he doesn’t. He just likes to fuck you, and he’s probably fucking other women too. Of course he’s not going to tell you that, because that would complicate his life, and make it inconvenient, because you might realize that he doesn’t really care about you, except for the sex hole, and if you realized that, you would probably walk away, and try to find someone who does care about you. That would be very inconvenient for him.

It’s sad, but unless you want 20 more years of the same, a non-comittment, where you have no idea of this dude’s feelings, because you are too scared to ask him, nothing will change, except that you will be 20 years older.

Brian1946's avatar

Even though he’s not wearing his heart on his sleeve, I bet he still has a major heart on for her! ;-p

Dutchess_III's avatar

I think the fact that he got mad because she spoke about being with another guy while they were engaged in intercourse proves that he’s crazy in love….although his only complaint seemed to be that it was a really tacky thing to do at that moment.

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