General Question

SergeantQueen's avatar

Anyone else just feel hopeless?

Asked by SergeantQueen (9687points) September 10th, 2019

I don’t know.
I’m really struggling.
I also want to add I am not suicidal, I promise.
I’m working on getting back with my doctor and I’m going to call to make an appointment with a school counselor in the meantime.
I started college, thinking I was going to be happy to start a new school. I’m not. I know that my majors are things I want to do and like, but I just… don’t feel right. I feel like I’m losing myself and I don’t get it.
The past 6–7 months or so, have been horrible for me. I was doing better over the summer but now things suck again.
I don’t really know why I’m posting this. I can’t even explain in proper words how lost I feel.
Is it normal to feel this hopeless in college? I feel empty again and I hate it. Its really bad this time.
I’m not suicidal. I’m just not seeing the point in things right now.

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17 Answers

kritiper's avatar

I can really feel down in the middle of the night sometimes…
So I get up and fix myself some oatmeal.
What you’re feeling is normal and happens to everyone at one time or another. Go for a walk, or watch a movie. If you’re really down, then the only way is up. Remember that tomorrow is another day and your future is very bright. Believe in that future.

SmashTheState's avatar

Be cautious.

Depression is the removal of a filter which makes the world seem irrationally pleasant for everyone else. What you’re experiencing is the world the way it really is. There is an opportunity for growth if you have the strength to let yourself fall into the Void and trust that there is something on the other side.

The problem is that the Archons watch closely for those on whom their conditioning has started to slip. Beware the fnords. If you choose to leave the cage, your instinct will be to remark on them. DO NOT discuss the fnords.

SergeantQueen's avatar

I don’t know what any of that means. My main issue is something that had happened over a year ago that I reported is just really bugging me, mixed with all this college bullshit. I’ve been having nightmares and I thought starting a new chapter would change everything and it isn’t. I haven’t seen a therapist in a while and it’s really just weighing on me again. Things have happened that really brought things back for me and I’m feeling lost all over again

SergeantQueen's avatar

Mainly referring to @SmashTheState That isn’t making sense to me right now.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

Thank you for sharing with us. You sound clinically depressed, and that requires help that only a doctor can give. I really hope your old doctor will take you back and that you can get an appointment quickly.

Is this normal? You’re going through a major transition going to college. It’s completely normal for that to upset your mood. Knowing that might help slightly.

While you wait to get hooked up with your doctor, do one thing to really care for yourself daily. I mean something really caring like taking a walk or sitting in a park or asking a friend to let you spend time with their pet or cooking yourself something wholesome. Do things that show yourself you really care. Not fake stuff like eating ice cream or shopping on Amazon.

I live with mental illness. When I was at my lowest, brushing my teeth was how I showed myself I really cared for myself. I had to keep it really simple.

You can do just about anything to show yourself you really care about yourself. Something simple is completely fine. Making your bed can be that thing. You get to decide.

All the best to you.

Mimishu1995's avatar

I’ve been there. If you search for my questions, you can see a couple of questions about hopelessness. Do you have anyone who you can talk to comfortably? In my case I have some jelly friends who could empathize with me greatly and they helped me get through my bad mood. Don’t underestimate the power of words. Even when you think you are a loner, you will benefit a lot from an understanding person. It could be anyone, even someone here on Fluther.

Beside, before your depression, did you hold a certain image of what college would be like? I have learned the hard way that a lot of my angst comes from an unrealistic expectation. You seem to expect an ideal scenario once you enter college and when it didn’t turn out the way you expected you became depressed. You should repeat to yourself that even if there is bad experience, it doesn’t undermine the good experience. I was once in college and I made it, so you can too.

JLeslie's avatar

I think it’s very common for teens and 20 somethings to have depression come and go, and you sound a little depressed.

At your age there is so much uncertainty. It feels hopeless because you can’t see how the future is going to roll out. It’s all difficult and a big question mark.

Have you made friends at your new school? I find I can trace a lot of my depressions back to feeling lonely.

Planning things in the future that you can look forward to can be a big help to feeling better. Plan a lunch with friends, a vacation, whatever you might want to do. Fill your calendar. Not so full it’s overwhelming, but a few times a week something you like. What about a dance class, or something else you really enjoy. Dance happens to be what I enjoy. Do you have any classes this term that you love going to?

Do you work? If your school load isn’t too heavy maybe getting a job you like for a couple days a week will help. It will give you purpose and some money.

Sounds to me you aren’t so depressed you can’t go through the motions of the day, you just want to feel happier.

About the nightmares, when I’m not doing well I get reoccurring nightmares. When I can’t get rid of them after 4–6 weeks that’s when I seriously consider seeing a therapist. It usually helps. My nightmares typically have to do with someone chasing after me and physically harming me. It’s awful.

Also, you said you can’t stop thinking about something that happened over a year ago. This sort of thing used to happen to me. I would ruminate about something I screwed up, or something I witnessed, and what I found was I could reframe these thoughts and it would help them go away. That and I also learned how to compartmentalize my thoughts more. Reframing can be very useful. I think when you talk to your therapist they might be able to help you with that. Sometimes friends or even fluther can help with it too, but that depends on whether it’s something you want to share. Fluther carries more risk than a safer place like a close friend or therapist.

One last thing—young brains are wired to feel more emotional pain. As you age it will most likely get much better and you will have much more joy. That’s what happens on average. It’s been literally studied by scientists what parts of the brain are active in younger people vs older people. I know that doesn’t help you feel better in the moment, but there is really good reason to believe things will sort out.

You asked if anyone else feels hopeless. I don’t feel hopeless, but I feel frustrated and ill at ease that my husband and I are on slightly different pages right now. He took a new job in another city, and I’m very torn about leaving where I live now. I feel uneasy I guess. I don’t know how it all will work out.

SmashTheState's avatar

@SergeantQueen If it doesn’t make sense to you right now, then ignore it. There may be a time when it does, in which case I hope you remember my advice.

Inspired_2write's avatar

There have been numerous times throughout my life where I have felt hopeless .
For me I started writing a diary or journal of every day.
The thing is to pretend that you are writing someone else and they are writing to you.
( but you take both the writer who feels hopeless and the writer who replies with questions, empthay etc).
This way you look at things in the third person (outside of yourself) and its surprisingly YOU see things from a different perspective and the added bonus is that you find a solution plus have a story written in the end.
Pretend that that diary is a treasure chest where you and only you can open and close it, but every night you place the letter in that box with the idea that you will look at it tomorrow and leave those worries for another day.
Meanwhile you relax knowing that you will get a reply tomorrow ( a reply that you will answer in the third person as if that other person is telling you how they feel.)

By the way I got this idea from a hypnosis meditation cassette in the 1980’s and the idea never left me. It got me through some tough times and I now have a thick draft of my life.

If the above is not for you. Perhaps this will direct your thoughts to something adorable?

Patty_Melt's avatar

Jr. High – The place we all go to have our very most embarrassing moments ever, in a public setting. Boys get unwelcome stiffies just when the bell rings for lunch, pimples, girls starting things they’re not ready for, awkward attempts to kiss, boys with squeaky changing voices, so much torture!

High school – where we think we will rule. We faced all the worst, and now we can strut. One day you catch her with him, and the world comes crashing down. You will never be freaking happy again.
Maybe there’s booze, maybe drugs, maybe sex, maybe totally confused and afraid of each thing and more.
Graduate. Gotta graduate!
Everyone says college is different. Oh yes, at last it happens.
You have graduated. You’re a grown up. I’m what?

College – the place we all look forward to because now we are ready to face the future. We are free.
And anonymous.
Sure, college is different, but we aren’t
different as we thought.
It is intimidating. How will I keep all this stuff straight?
Oh god, what if I over sleep?
I wish I had friends here.

Sweetie, you are feeling quite normal.
What you want is more. You want to not feel awkward, lonely, in the wrong place.
For that you have to jump off a cliff.
Maybe you will sit at a table in the campus cafeteria with people all around, and behave like you are s member of their group.
Maybe you will volunteer for something, like helping to build a float for a parade.
Maybe something on a bulletin board will catch your eye. Whatever your moment is, you will know it. You will want to run away, but if you don’t run, you will have it licked. Surviving that jump will show you that you can take a crazy big step, and people will not think you are crazy like you expect them to.


MrGrimm888's avatar

Lots of good advice, above.

I would certainly agree, that it’s very common, to feel lost.

All I can really contribute, is my empathy, and support.

SQ. Many of the best things in my life, I kind of fell into. If you aren’t happy with your current direction, don’t ignore things/opportunities that seem like a bad fit. You might fall into something that will change your life, for the better. Keep an open mind. You’re young enough to try your hand at many different kinds of directions. If you find that it’s not the way you want to go. Go another direction. From my assessment of you, you are full of potential.

If it helps, I know very few people who end up in a career, that has anything to do with their major, in college. But they are happy, or at least content, and are great contributions to our society.

Keep hope alive.

Peace n love.

KNOWITALL's avatar

College was the same for me. Didnt know anyone, campus was overwhelming, didnt feel able to focus, it was tough.

All I can say is get the therapy or meds, and try to stay on task. You’ll get thru it. Dont let the past rob you of a beautiful future.

flutherother's avatar

It isn’t normal to feel so hopeless but many people do and it is quite common with those at college. Starting college can be a very disorienting experience with the loss of familiar routines and friends and the added stress of having to pass exams. Speaking with a college counsellor is the best thing you can do right now. He, or she, may well refer you to a doctor. Feelings like yours can be difficult to own up to, even to professionals, but if there is a friend you can confide in that might be helpful. Anyway, I’m glad you confided in us.

Lonelyheart807's avatar

All of the above is good advice so instead of repeating it, I want to tell you about my college experience. Fresh out of high school, I had decided I wanted to be a math teacher. My parents both taught and I was really good at math. I went to school full time for two years, then more and more began feeling disinterested. I had lost motivation and started working full time (not as a teacher). For some twenty years I had to listen to a constant barrage from friends and family…when are you going to finish your degree? You were so close! You wouldn’t even need that many more classes!
Finally, at the age of 39, I found the courage to return to school. I didn’t know where exactly I was going with school. By then I had worked at a Level V school as a teacher’s assistant for a number of years and was getting burnt out, but I didn’t know what else to pursue. I wondered if friends and family would understand that I didn’t really want to teach anymore. I was taking some various classes, still with no good plan in place when I took a programming class. (I had never taken programming in the past.). I fell in love and changed my major. I now have my two year degree and hope in a year or so to complete my Bachelor’s.
The thing is, I had to decide what I and nobody else wanted to do. It took a while to figure it out, and that was mainly by stumbling into it, but it was worth it.
I know your situation may be totally different and you may be satisfied with your choice of major. I just wanted to share with you because I felt many of the same things you describe as I was going through this: disillusionment, depression, etc Sometimes it takes a while to figure out what you want. I hope you get something helpful out of my long answer, but either way, I wish the best for you.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

In university I felt hopeless. I am a human and the prognosis is that being human is a chronic fatal condition.
When I learned to select what to care about and pick my battles, life got better . I also am learning not to make myself a target in real life and only share personal ideas with family and friends and only anonymous with my online friends. Life gets better.

Instead of trying to be a high paid CEO I had let that dream to go. Now I have fun Fluthering , watching youtube and shopping for groceries as a tresure hunt life has gotten better.
If you have the luxury to spend time helping yourself and rethinking your life things might be better for you.

JLeslie's avatar

@Lonelyheart makes a really good point that many of us stumble into what we like and what makes us happy. My husband had to take an HR course as part of his curriculum, he had never even realized it was a major before that. He loved it, and has had a great career in HR.

The thing I regret most about college was not trying a bigger variety of courses I was interested in. My father urged me to do so, but I didn’t like school much (I LOVED university life in terms of my friends and the fun parts, but never was much for studying, I barely cracked a book my entire education K-college, I had started in community college and that was much like high school and not fun like campus life was for me) so I wanted to get done with school as soon as possible, not take additional courses, and I worried about the money my parents were paying even though my dad encouraged me to try a variety of courses. The other thing I regret is not studying more, I was a very lazy student.

Did you say what school you are attending? When you transferred did you choose a very different school? A small one to a large one? Different state? Do you live on campus?

mazingerz88's avatar

When I feel life is pointless I just think about people who still need me and that carries me over somehow through that conundrum. Coupled with the realization that life is too short anyway I might as well make the most out of it while I’m still here.

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