General Question

janbb's avatar

How do you politely ask a visitor to leave?

Asked by janbb (55109points) 3 weeks ago

I am still recuperating and had a very active day yesterday. A friend came for a pre-arranged visit today. We sat on the deck and talked and it was lovely but she stayed and stayed- close to three hours. I was getting tired but didn’t want to be rude. Finally I said my tush was getting tired and I had to move.

Any tactful suggestions for how to handle this common situation?

Putting in General. Humor ok but snark will be flagged.

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20 Answers

chyna's avatar

You have the perfect excuse right now. “Chyna it has been great talking with you, but I’m afraid this leg and the medications I’m on are insisting I go and lay down for a bit.”
If you didn’t have the broken leg, you could just say something like “it has been so nice talking with you, but I’m afraid I didn’t get much rest last night and I feel like I need to go in and get some rest.”
Also add at some point, as you are ushering her out the door, or shoving her out as the case may be, please come back soon to visit as you are always such great company.

canidmajor's avatar

I have always had good responses to being honest, whether it’s visitors when I’ve been ill or injured, or party guests, I simply say “I love having you here but I’m afraid I have to throw you out now because I am too tired to go on.” I have been doing this for decades and have never offended anyone.
Well, my mom always thought I was unconscionably rude, but she also often criticized how I sneezed.

The downside of this is that I expect the same from others, and probably overstay my welcome sometimes.

janbb's avatar

Good points. I think I find it easier at night to suggest I am tired than during the day.

raum's avatar

Anyone that I’m comfortable enough to hang out with (which isn’t many because I’m somewhat antisocial), I’m comfortable with telling them to beat it cause I’m tired.

Though, like @canidmajor mentioned, that also means that I’m more likely to overstay my welcome because I expect the same level of frankness with my friends. :P

KNOWITALL's avatar

Why thank ya’ll for comin! I do appreciate your concern and this lovely visit. You’ll forgive me if I retire now. Lets catch up soon!

(stand up, walk them out with hugs.)

jca2's avatar

I would just be honest and say “I’m really tired. I did a lot today and all that fresh air wore me out. Let’s get together in a few weeks, like we were talking about.” Something along those lines.

MrGrimm888's avatar

It happens to me, all the time. I always stay up late. My friends eventually just say, ”“well, I have to go to bed now. ” I don’t take it personally.

Kardamom's avatar

You can just say something like this, “This situation has really sapped my energy. I’m so glad you came over, but I’m afraid I’m going to need to lie down and take a little nap. Let’s talk in a few days.”

I have recently helped a few different friends who were sick, injured, or in the hospital. I asked them if they needed a nap, and my best friend let me know when she needed to rest. I did not take offense. Your friends won’t either.

JLeslie's avatar

I also would be as close to honest as possible. “I’m so happy you came to visit, but I’m feeling very tired now…”. This would be after I had already told them earlier on that I was so happy to see them, or so glad they dropped by, without a “but” on it.

I get tired every time of day. It doesn’t have to be the evening for me to need to lie down. Especially, if I was recuperating from an injury.

MrGrimm888's avatar

Some of my friends, will just tell me before I come over. “Well, it’s 7PM, and I plan to be in bed, by 9PM.” Then, I already know, I may not even bother showing up…

kritiper's avatar

Tell them politely that you’ve been battling the screaming shits all day, and they’re making a run at you this moment, then head for the bathroom.

Patty_Melt's avatar

People who are feeling healthier than who they visit forget how exhausting it is just having conversation.
Pointing out that you are not up to par is not rude.
Rude would be if you made an attack, such as, “Just how long do you think I can appreciate this visit?”
Anything with a simple reminder of your condition is perfectly acceptable.
I say I am feeling poorly and I need to take my meds and lie down.
My guess is, they enjoy the visit, and rely on you to cue them it should end.
Or you could suggest bringing out a stack of photo albums.

raum's avatar

I love looking at people’s photo albums!

Really starting to think I may be the queen of overstaying my welcome.

You might have to just slap me and point at the door. LOL

mazingerz88's avatar

The need to lie down and take a rest sounds great to me. I agree with the post above.

Personally I might just say, “Would you mind continuing this conversation another time? Time for my afternoon meditation on the trump impeachment.”

longgone's avatar

Two tricks for dense visitors:

“So, what do you have planned for the rest of the day?” – then you can segue into your plans.

“Wow, you really need to keep me updated on that…when do you think we could meet up again?” – for people who get very involved in telling stories about their life.

And yes – no need for guilt, it’s always okay to pay attention to your own needs. They are just as real as your visitor’s desire to talk, and you are your only guardian.

Sagacious's avatar

Thank you for coming by (start walking toward the door); I feel tired so am going to go up and lie down for a while.

PaisleyFaye's avatar

Well if it happens again, you can just say that you have an engagement you need to attend too, so we can continue this visit another time. I hope this helps.

janbb's avatar

Have gotten better st it!

PaisleyFaye's avatar

@janbb What do you mean?

janbb's avatar

“st” should have been “at,” I meant I’ve gotten better at showing guests the door.

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