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BackinBlack's avatar

Should My Husband Have A Say In How I Dress?

Asked by BackinBlack (1207points) September 26th, 2019

I am 5’0”. He is 5’8”. So when I wear even my tallest heels (4 inches)I am still significantly shorter than him. I rarely wear the crazy tall ones though. He complains about it all the time and even tells me not to wear them. I have a thing for shoes as most women do… I have always collected them and everyone know this is a part of who I am.

He has always been insecure about his height but I ABSOLUTLY don’t care about it. He seems perfectly normal to me and I’ve never wanted anyone else.

I know he was bullied as a kid but no one “picks” on him as an adult.

I am upset because he has been making me feel really bad lately about wearing what I want. He makes comments like “is that really what you are going to wear?” and it hurts my feelings. It makes me feel like I look like a clown or something. I like to buy heels and when he sees I got a new pair he rolls his eyes. Last time he said “where the F*** are you gonna wear those?”

I got dressed up for a fancy event we were going to recently and my outfit was really cute and he said “I hate when you wear heels, quit wearing them.”

I never tell him what to wear or not wear. Even if I don’t like something he wears I would never tell him to take it off.

How do I deal with him trying to control what I wear? Do you think it’s normal for a partner to have a say in how the other dresses? Where do I draw the line on what is ok and not ok?

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11 Answers

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

It’s normal to have an opinion on things.
Some opinions should be kept to oneself (especially if one ever wants to get laid again)
It’s manipulative and controlling to do what he is doing.That would get old fast with me.
His behavior is indicative of just how insecure he is.Confidence is attractive.Good luck to him in the future.
My husband doesn’t tell me what to wear. We are about the same height when I wear heels. (6’)
No problem so far…
You could talk to him about it. If you issue any ultimatums, it’s in your best interest to follow through or he will never take anything you say seriously.I don’t know if he will change.Sounds like he’s used to getting his way.
If that is the case, you need to stick to your guns if you expect any change.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

Sit down and ask him why he dislikes heels so much.

chyna's avatar

That is just plain bullying. Tell him that he has now turned into the bullies he was picked on and hated as a kid. As @squeeky said, ask him why he hates them. If he can give a good reason, such as you are unable to walk in them and look silly, then consider if his reason rings true. If he has no good reason, tell him his opinion has been voiced on the subject, you are well aware of it, and to stop saying it.

stanleybmanly's avatar

What’s odd to me, is a man trying to tell his woman what to wear. In fact, in my experience, it’s always the other way around. If he’s insecure about his height, let him buy himself some lifts. From your other post, I get the impression that you already feel relegated to the back seat socially with your husband. If that is his doing, he could not achieve it minus your cooperation. Time for a talk.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

I try to pick my shoes for the ability to run, fight, work and walk long distances in. Comfort is up their too. Can’t do those things in high heels.

BackinBlack's avatar

@chyna @SQUEEKY2

He said he doesn’t like me being tall. He wants me looking as short as possible so he looks taller.

He also has said he doesn’t like when I dress “fancy” because he likes to wear jeans and tshirts and he says I make him look like a bum.

I only wear heels that I can walk in. If I have trouble at all then I won’t wear them. I am very graceful in heels and I do take into consideration comfort. For example I won’t wear heels if we will be walking long distances or for a long time.

Response moderated (Obscene)
snowberry's avatar

He’s making you responsible for his insecurities. I hate heels, but if he succeeds in making you wear low shoes, expect more of the same. If he gets fat, he will want you to get fat too (that’s what my mother-in-law wanted hubby and I to do).

Bottom line, he doesn’t respect you, and is manipulating you! His behavior also is passive-aggressive. Expect him to have a fit, but it’s his problem, not yours.

It’s your job to teach others how to treat you.

Aster's avatar

He is simply insecure and jealous when worrying about other men looking at you in heels.
Most men love heels.
I’d try and laugh it off and see if he ruins the entire evening. If so, then my answer would get testier.

Sagacious's avatar

I I I, me me me. It sounds like both of you need to put your spouse ahead of yourself at least part of the time. Remember, you fell in love with other and wanted to make each other happy. Don’t lose that.

snowberry's avatar

What I said is true, and what @Sagacious said is also true. It’s all about love, respect, and a balance of power. Nobody gets to lord it over the other one.

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