Social Question

MaisyS's avatar

Am I supposed to just let this slide or should I talk to my friend?

Asked by MaisyS (731points) September 27th, 2019

We’ve been friends 3 years and a bit now if you take one away for being bitter enemies (the year before last). She cyber bullied me and spread talk about me constantly after we got into a fight. We fought because I was jealous that she was getting closer to another girl and completely excluding me. Like I wasn’t possessive and I was totally okay with her having other friends but when I suggested we hang out once in a while she’d say she was busy and then post pictures of her with her other friends at their houses or the mall.
Anyway we made up last year and became even closer. She seemed to have changed a lot and so had I after a terrible round of depression and self harm during the time we were fighting.
I should probably also mention that I am bi and I haven’t told her at all which made what happened even more odd.
So 2 months back she met up with our friend group at the mall and I wasn’t supposed to know. At school if you met me I would seem part of the popular crowd but there is a clique within them that is basically everyone except me. So they accidentally talked about meeting up in front of me and I got a grace invite from my friend and then it was withdrawn by another girl. Apparently my friend took my side so I didn’t think much of it.
5 days ago I they started talking about meeting up again in front of me, openly, so I decided I must be invited and I was like “Sure I’ll be there”. And everyone was silent before another girl said “You’re not invited, don’t embarrass yourself”. I was super upset and my friend tried to console me saying she wasn’t very excited and she probably wouldn’t go. And I said she didn’t have to ruin her social life for me.
And then she just randomly said “I like you, you know” and kissed me on my lips. And then she left.
I tried talking to her about it today and she got upset. She went to the rest of the class calling me a dyke and saying I was lying and that I was spreading false rumors that she had kissed me.
What should I do?

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16 Answers

kritiper's avatar

She doesn’t sound like she is a friend you want. I’d walk away and let her be.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Find some new friends who aren’t mean girls?

Mostly hs is about cliques and many want to be with the fun, popular crowd, but many good people don’t care about that. Those may be your people. You shouldn’t beg for friendship either.

As far as being bi and this girlfriend, maybe she’s not ready to deal with that or face that, or perhaps she’d rather be popular than true to herself at this point in her life. Try not to take it personally as an insult, as we all grow into ourselves at different speeds. She sounds like she’s been a pretty good friend to you, as much as she can, without ruining her hs experience, so I’d give her a lot of credit for that. Maybe back off awhile and let her come to you if she wants to hang out. Now you know why so many people pretend to be straight in school, to avoid this behavior. It’s really brave to be yourself and love yourself, no matter what anyone else thinks or says. :)

I feel bad you’re going thru this, hs can be a real pain for a lot of people.

Do you have any idea why they are against you? Do you not dress right or play the girly games or chase the boys the way they do? Girls can be quite cruel, you have to rise above it and be secure in yourself. Find a tribe that treats you right and shows you love.

Best of luck, don’t beat yourself up for a few shallow girls in hs, life is far more interesting and accomodating after schoo, I promise you.

BackinBlack's avatar

Man, I’m glad I’m not in high school. Girls can be so freaking cruel. You don’t need to analyze this at all. They are bullying you because you scare them. You must show some confidence or uniqueness that they aren’t capable of having themselves so they have to tear you down.

Just act like they don’t bother you and try to find relationships with people who treat you better and have some integrity. As for the girl who kissed you… she’s a b*tch. If she liked you she wouldn’t call you names and spread lies.

I know adults who are totally cool to me when it’s just us but when they have an audience or other friends they treat me totally different. That is a sign of bad character and I don’t indulge in their BS.

stanleybmanly's avatar

Dump the whole crowd and don’t look back. The odds are that if you have the discipline to do it they will come looking for you anyway. Why is it the girls who pull this sort of silly shit. You never hear about boys undergoing this kinda crap. How come?

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

You should limit your time with them.

rebbel's avatar

”... or should I talk to my friend?”
This being the friend that kissed you and later calling you a dyke in public?
Ditch her, and let the others be as well.

Mimishu1995's avatar

The last part sounds like gaslighting to me. Looks like she was just interested in collecting friends rather than forming any real bond.

A true friend can belong to several friend circles and be caring for all of them. She cares more for her popular group. She isn’t a true friend.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

I most concerned with the depression and self-harm. I sincerely hope you’re getting counseling. There should be some kind of counselor at your school that you can talk to. I know it’s scary to go to a counselor, but you found the courage to tell us your story. You can read exactly what you wrote to us to a counselor. Getting counseling has something amazing about it. It provides a kind of clarity that doesn’t happen when we try to think about things on our own.

All the best to you.

chyna's avatar

This is far more easier for me to say than for you to do because you are living it at this moment. It really hurts to be in that position of being bullied or ignored in high school. It seems like the end of the world. But I promise you, after you are out of high school and going on about your life, those girls will no longer matter. They are not worth you self harming or crying over. Look around and find other girls that are ignored or bullied. They need friends too and even if they aren’t popular, they will probably make the best long term friendships. Those girls that bullied me and ignored me are trying to friend me on Facebook now. I don’t friend them. Young bullies have probably turned into old bullies or people that have no real friends.
And please, take @hawaiijakes advice about talking to a counselor. It will help. Good luck!

LadyMarissa's avatar

She’s NOT a friend!!! I’d avoid talking to her for the foreseeable future. When she asks WHY you’ve stopped talking to her simply tell her that you don’t like liars any more than she does!!!

SEKA's avatar

None of them are your friends and you will eventually be glad they aren’t in your life and that includes the one that kissed you

Dutchess_lll's avatar

God I remember in Jr. High.writing pages and pages of outrage and giving the book to the offending party.
That doesn’t help but know that as you get older, and especially when you get out of school, this will all be a bad memory.
Ditch her.

tedibear's avatar

None of these people are your friends. Concentrate on your schoolwork first and foremost. While you’re at school, or other places, see if there are others you might want to cultivate as your friends.

MaisyS's avatar

Thank you all so much for your advice. I think I will take a break from all this drama. I can’t afford to focus on it what with exams being so close. Again, thank you all for your responses. :)

LadyMarissa's avatar

You’ll be amazed at how much better your grades will become when you step away from the drama of the “in crowd”!!! They will hold you back more often than they lift you up…a good friend is ALWAYS there to help to lift you up!!! Wishing you the best making it through to your graduation!!!

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