Social Question

longgone's avatar

How often do you get angry?

Asked by longgone (15053points) 1 week ago

According to an article I read today, getting angry more than once every few weeks is risky. The author talked about the dangers of habitual anger, an undercurrent of bitterness that never really leaves you. She suggested that people who get angry a lot might have learned unhealthy behaviour patterns, such as attempts to control loved ones.

That made me curious. I think most of the people I know would say they get angry several times a week.

How often do you feel angry?

Bonus questions: What happens when you feel your temper rising? How far will you let yourself go before you disengage?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

85 Answers

rebbel's avatar

Once a fortnight, to a month, I would estimate.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Rarely.
I am picky about what I allow to get me angry these days.
I personally like square breathing as throwing a tantrum on the grocery store floor is not a good option.:)

ragingloli's avatar

I am always angry.

Patty_Melt's avatar

I need clearer definition of angry. Do you mean just the feeling, or when the feeling is acted upon?
I feel angry about one thing or another most every day, but I don’t have tantrums on any regular basis.

chyna's avatar

Every day in traffic because people can’t drive! Get off my ass! Pass already dip shit! Hey douche weenie, you almost hit me!
Um, but only then.

janbb's avatar

Very tarely. Maybe twice a month – but then I live alone. :-)

elbanditoroso's avatar

Maybe once a year. Or less.

mrgrtt123's avatar

It depends on how annoying the conversation is, I don’t get angry for no apparent reason.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

I used to be angry with myself all the time. I’ve mellowed out since then. A little frustrated now and again, but ok.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

I rarely get angry enough to show. Very rarely.

snowberry's avatar

Haha! Then a lot of the heated conversations we’ve had here weren’t really fueled by anger!

I used to get angry all the time. My life was out of control, and everyone was managing my life for me. I have very little reason to get angry these days because I dumped my abusers, and (with a lot of deep personal work) my mental baggage at the same time. It’s been months since I have really gotten angry.

However a couple weeks ago the owner of the campground we’re staying in, suddenly pounded on our door and demanded we move our car! I felt attacked, and lost my temper. Things didn’t end well.

It turns out he failed to communicate what he needed us to do until there was a crisis. He’s a good old boy with a temper, he has less than stellar people skills, and he disrespects women.

Since we’re stuck here until we can move into our new house, I chose to kill him with kindness. He has no idea what we really think, and is so jolly now, but once we’re out of here, I will him let him know the impact of his behavior, and I’ll be polite about it too!

kritiper's avatar

Every damn day! And it makes me happy!

cookieman's avatar

Pretty regularly. Weekly at least.

PaisleyFaye's avatar

I get angry ever once in a blue moon, If we all did a survey to keep track and take note of why we become angry, to some it may seem like a Movie… I say we all have our times when we do get angry, its how you handle it is what makes all the difference in the World.

gondwanalon's avatar

Never.
A couple of times someone has asked me what it would take to make you mad.

Why should I punish myself with anger because of some crazy thing that someone else did?

If some one hurts me or my family then that’s an issue for the police and or my attorneys to handle.

anniereborn's avatar

I used to cry when I was angry. I rarely even felt true anger. Lately though I have been able to. Due to circumstances I am angry often these days.

Stache's avatar

Rarely do I get angry but I do get hangry.

Inspired_2write's avatar

Rarely but if I witnessed an injustice I step in.
And after doing so , others step up as well.
It only takes one brave soul to step up and lead and the others will follow.

MrGrimm888's avatar

I get angry, maybe frustrated, is the more accurate discription, a LOT. ..

I punch my heavy bag, without gloves, or punch the concrete, until I feel nothing but the pain. I know it is not healthy. But. I cannot take it out, on other people. When my hands are too broken, to continue, it gives me relief, of sorts. It helps me focus on the pain of my hands. Instead of my anger. I have broKen multiple bones, in my hands, over time. But it’s better than killing someone. My mother cried on the phone to me, fit hours, a few weeks ago. I wore my hands down to barely functional. After she hung up. I started on my bag, but ended up hitting the concrete floor, until they hurt so bad, I couldn’t open them… I have no excuse for my behavior. But I get SO angry, that i have to take it it on something.I prefer hurting myself, to hurting others. I’ve brutally injured others, when I was angry. That makes me feel like shit.
I am working on other ways, to deal with my anger. But . I broke my hands on the floor again, about a month ago…I don’t have an answer, to dealing with it…

raum's avatar

Two things usually set me off.
My family and eating gluten.

Which could mean several times a day. Or once every several weeks.

PaisleyFaye's avatar

@MrGrimm888 It takes a lot of guts to admit the way you deal with anger, I guess sometimes the adrenalin can take the place of the pain you inflict on yourself untill it subsides. I believe you’ll find a healthier way to deal with anger because its something you know you have to do.

Sagacious's avatar

Not often and not easily/quickly. I’m more mellow than when I was younger. It’s a nice place.

JLeslie's avatar

Wow. Once every few weeks? That’s interesting.

I’m not sure what to count as anger. I’m quick to temper I think? What I mean by that is I can raise my voice easily, but I don’t feel like I’m angry a lot. Maybe because it’s fleeting. I don’t hold grudges. Something happens in the moment, and then I let it go.

I see people all around me get angry at things I would never get angry about. Sometjing as stupid as a spot in an exercise class. Someone is in their usual “place” taking an exercise class and they are pissed. I’ve seen women have fights over this in class. I bring it up because a friend of mine was just mad about it two days ago. I think she’s being ridiculous.

You have me thinking I might be unaware of some of my anger. I’m also thinking my answer might be fewer times per week than what my husband would answer about my anger. I wonder?

Also, now that my husband is visibly angry much more often in the last several years, I’m less angry. It’s weird how that happens. Like he took over the role maybe.

I’m going to say I get angry a couple times a week for 2 minutes at a time, but really, I’m not sure what to answer.

Anger is a tricky emotion. It can be a reaction to being hurt. I think women are more likely to feel the hurt. Meaning women feel and show it as hurt, and men are more like to switch it to anger, and not be in touch with the hurt. It’s a stereotype, but with some truth to it. Women might be crying while men are punching a hole in the wall. Either gender can have either reaction though.

Right now I think I have some wishing things were different, and it’s like a very low level anger feeling sort of. I’m not sure what to do with that. It’s like a 1 or 2 out of 10, but more constant right now. I did t count that in the twice a week.

JLeslie's avatar

@MrGrimm888 Maybe there are anger management groups where you live. They might meet for free. It could help you feel a lot better. There are probably self help books about anger too.

I can get really angry interacting with my father, he drives me right up a wall. The things that helps me a little is I know he doesn’t have bad intentions, and I know he is acting on his own anxiety, so I try to be understanding, but it is sacrificing myself for him, and sometimes I feel run over by a truck. Ugh. Getting angry actually feels better than letting him just tell me things that upset me or make me feel like I’m in a prison. It’s tough. The best is when I can manage to not get drawn in and change the topic we are talking about.

Anger is usually a reaction to people or things falling short of expectations. Adjusting your expectations might help. Just a thought.

anniereborn's avatar

@JLeslie Anger is also often a reaction to being disrespected or taken advantage of.

dabbler's avatar

NOISE makes me angry. Sometimes I can head off the feeling sometimes not.

cookieman's avatar

@annieborn: That is often the trigger for me.

JLeslie's avatar

@anniereborn I still think even with those emotions some hurt is in there. When I’m disrespected it’s hurtful. Like I’m not being treated as though I have any value, or that I’m being condescended to like I don’t have a brain in my head. I think underneath it’s triggering feelings from childhood of hurt and frustration.

I do agree though that the emotions you name are triggers for anger.ñ, but I would ask why do you feel disrespected? Some people have really low bars for it, but I’d say often times it also has to do with expectations, similar to anger.

Taken advantage of is so close to disrespect for me. In my mind it goes along with wanting the world to be fair, and that has been a big issue for me since my teenage years. Literally part of my therapy when I was a teenager and depressed was that I wanted the world be fair. That mostly caused me sadness too, but I was angry also, no question. I think it’s wound into states of grief. You hope it’s not happening, and then you go into an anger stage, and then acceptance eventually. Each stage isn’t nice and neat they can occur almost simultaneously, or each emotion can come and go over time like waves.

MrGrimm888's avatar

^Well stated. The world is NOT fair. Expecting it to be so, sets you up for being upset. Loge is not a movie. The bad guys, usually win. Sadly, that’s something that you have to get over. There is a big difference between doing the smart thing, and doing the moral thing.

jca2's avatar

I don’t get really angry very often. I also don’t usually hold grudges. I may not forget something that upset me, but I don’t remain mad about it.

Usually, I’d describe my feelings as “annoyed” rather than “angry.” I may be annoyed if I feel I’m not being treated like my coworkers (for example, one wears jeans whereas if I wear black jeans my boss says something, or my boss says something if I’m a few minutes late, but I try to make up for it by not going to lunch all the time, and my coworker goes to lunch for an hour and a half every day).

I get mad if I’m accused of something that I didn’t do, and I get mad at things like someone parking in my parking spot at work, which thankfully, doesn’t happen too much. Times where I feel like I’m being disrespected, where I have to summon the nerve to speak up, for example, recently someone cut in front of me on a line at the food court in Costco, I had to say something. That, I would describe as annoying. I know it will simmer in me if I don’t speak up, so I have to. Yesterday someone at work made a point of saying she sent me an email that I didn’t reply to. I asked her for details because I don’t have any record of receiving it. That, I find annoying but I am happy that she’s not showing any proof of sending it so it becomes amusing.

I’m pretty easy going at home so it’s just me and my 12 year old, and not a lot makes me angry. I will get annoyed, like last night, she was excited and talking a lot, and it was late. I found it overwhelming. It was annoying but it didn’t make me angry.

I am hoping we go through the teen years with it being relatively mellow.

MrGrimm888's avatar

^IMO. You should be happy that she talks to you.. That means she trusts you, and will confide with you, instead if keeping things a secret from you, that you could have helped her with. ....

My nephew, blathers on, with pointless stories. But I listen, to make sure I’m not missing something….

jca2's avatar

@MrGrimm888: I know, and I remind myself of that, that I should be happy she’s showing me a video or something.

ucme's avatar

Once in a blue moon, largely due to my general outlook on life.
Seriously, live like you’re still a kid, only with a few responsibilities & you’ll laugh & be carefree & wonderfully immature…beats the shit out of stress & anger.

One thing though, whenever inanimate objects try to get the better of me…hello Hulk!!

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

@ucme – I understand that well.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Not that often and like @JLeslie said, it’s fairly fleeting and I let it go.

I do have a temper, though, and like a few others said, traffic triggers it more often than anything else.

stanleybmanly's avatar

The trick underlying my difficulty with this question is in determining the borders where annoyance or irritation and anger intersect. The mere utterance of the word Trump, for example, will guarantee a frown from me.

MrGrimm888's avatar

^Anger, like most words, is a subjective, human concept.

JLeslie's avatar

Regarding the traffic. I found that if I give myself more time to get somewhere I’m much more patient on the road. It’s a mindset not to have road rage. About 20 years ago someone told me that a lot of people display their anger issues on the road, and it’s a dangerous place to do it. Made sense to me. His comment caused a change in me, where I decided it wasn’t worth the rise in adrenaline. I still get annoyed at times, but I’m way more forgiving on the road now.

Giving myself more time to get somewhere helps me not be very impatient on the road, but I still react when people do something dangerous. I am on my horn if you are in front of me in a left turning lane and you don’t go right away on the green arrow, but I’m not all worked up like I was before.

anniereborn's avatar

@JLeslie I don’t understand that laying on the horn the second the light turns thing. I hate when people do that. Why do you do that?

MrGrimm888's avatar

^Because, people need to keep traffic moving. It’s a responsibility to do so. I don’t intend to spend my life, in my fucking car.

anniereborn's avatar

@MrGrimm888 Geez, give someone an extra second or two. It’s not gonna kill you to be kind.

MrGrimm888's avatar

^With all due respect, is isn’t going to kill you to be aware that other drivers, are trying to get somewhere. Keep the traffic moving. We only have so much time, on this planet. It is not fair, for you to rib me of my time, because you’re on your phone, or distracted.

I’m not trying to be mean. But, move your ass…

JLeslie's avatar

@anniereborn Some left turn arrows let only 4 or 5 cars through (if they go immediately when the light turns green) and then go red (so that means the left turning lanes need to wait an entire intersection cycle again) or, there is so much traffic even if the left turning lanes have a round green or flashing yellow or flashing red arrow, they can’t get across and have to wait an entire intersection light cycle.

Not going on the green can be the difference between waiting at an intersection for 2–4 minutes, to waiting 6 or 8 minutes when it easily could have been shorter. Waiting, because a driver wasn’t paying attention to traffic, which is their responsibility while driving.

If you live in a place where there is only a few cars in a left turning lane with an arrow, then you might not feel the urgency. When you live in a place where a lot of intersections are 5 lanes each way, lots of traffic, and it’s hard to get through on the first left arrow, you really care. A three mile, ten minute drive can turn into 20 minutes. You feel like you can walk there faster.

Of course, for safety you need to make sure all traffic has stopped in the perpendicular road before you hit the gas pedal, but most heavy traffic areas have a decent delay (3–5 seconds) after the red, before the other light turns green.

anniereborn's avatar

I’m just really glad that I leave in enough time to get somewhere that if I miss a left turn arrow I don’t lose my shit.

JLeslie's avatar

@anniereborn When it adds almost ten minutes to your commute I think it would annoy anyone. Maybe your left turning lane doesn’t have 30 cars in line.

anniereborn's avatar

@JLeslie You must live in a huge city. I have lived in the Chicago suburbs and no I never saw a line of 30 cars waiting to turn. Only during an accident of some sort.
If it was work or a very important appt I was going to, I would just leave a little early. If it was anything else, I wouldn’t worry about being ten minutes off.

anniereborn's avatar

@MrGrimm888 I’m not on any dang phone when I am in my car. Yes I might get distracted for a moment. You telling me you stare at the exact place you should every second that you are driving and never ever get distracted? I guess I am generally a “journey” person more than a “destination” person.

MrGrimm888's avatar

^Yes. I feel like I have a responsibility to keep traffic moving. I feel that every driver should. I make sure, that I’m doing everything possible to keep everyone going. If I’m towing my canoe, I drive in the right lane, and maintain the speed limit. I can’t go fast, while towing.

Time. Is the valuable thing we have. The richest person, in the world, cannot buy it. People who are making traffic move slower, are robbing me, I my most valuable thing. No one has the right, to do that.

If I’m on my phone, I try to stay out of other’s way. But I rarely talk on my phone, when driving. Of I receive a text, I’ll wait until I get where I am going to respond.

I walk a lot, to get where I am going. Because everything I need, is in walking distance. As a pedestrian, I also try to help traffic flow.

I’m not trying to be mean. I’m trying to help others get where they’re going.

jca2's avatar

I totally agree with the traffic thing. I have a long commute on a commuter highway, about 40 to 50 minutes total. When there’s an accident or other block on the highway, it can be an hour and a half commute, or longer. That’s each way. When I get to work, in a large city in NY (not NYC), there are lots of lights and it’s imperative that everyone stays in their lane, signals when changing lanes, and keeps it moving. When I’m behind someone who’s got their mouth open and they’re looking around, or they’re looking down (so you know they’re looking at their phone), it’s very annoying. I’m not going to say infuriating, but very annoying. Yes I’ll lay on the horn on occasion, although I try not to because sometimes people can be spiteful and go slower. I’ll yell (and of course, they can’t hear me because I’m in my car with the windows up). I’ll say “Let’s GO!” or “Come ON!” I give right-of-way to pedestrians crossing, because that is the law here, but it’s very annoying when they take their sweet ass time.

anniereborn's avatar

If I have someone right on my ass, meaning if I had to stop suddenly, I’d be crushed: sometimes I do slow down. They need to move back and calm the fuck down.

JLeslie's avatar

^^I’m with you that no one should be tailgating, but in slow traffic and at lights that isn’t really a thing.

snowberry's avatar

@anniereborn No matter where I live, there are always tailgaters who think the speed limit is merely a suggestion. When they’re tailgating me, I generally always tap my brakes a bit to get them to back off. If that doesn’t work, I slow down and tap my brakes again. Every once in a while I get someone who seems to be a bit brighter than the others, and they do get the message.

The other stupider ones, it irritates them no end.

What’s really precious is when my tailgater is a policeman. Delaware State Troopers are famous for that! The ones I encountered were never in a hurry to get somewhere. They were just entitled.

jca2's avatar

On the commuter highway I take to work, we’re very big on “left lane is for passing, not cruising.” Someone posted a meme today that was of a car in the left lane with a bunch of cars behind it, and nobody in front of it, and it said “if you do this, you’re an asshole.”

Stache's avatar

@snowberry That’s a jerk move and could cause an accident. Very stupid on your part.

snowberry's avatar

@Stashe I never ever slam on the brakes. That’s stupid, and an invitation to road rage or an accident. I always travel in the right lane, and let the idiots who think the speed limit is a suggestion go around me. But I refuse to be bullied into going as fast as they want me to go. I don’t tolerate bullies.

I’ve been rear ended TWICE going at low speed in heavy traffic. ! The idiots behind me were tailgating both times. If I’m going to be tailgated, I’d prefer it be at a slower speed than a fast one. There will be less damage.

MrGrimm888's avatar

^That’s annoying . But it makes sense.

jca2's avatar

In the right lane, everyone should go the speed they want to (as long as there’s not a minimum speed, in that case, of course, go the minimum at least).

longgone's avatar

[Mod says] Moved to Social.

The off-topic answers were making me too angry. ~

janbb's avatar

^^ So can I say “Schroedinger’s cat” here?

JLeslie's avatar

@snowberry Why do you want to irritate the tailgate to no end? Tapping your brakes can cause them to brake hard.

anniereborn's avatar

@JLeslie I’m not snowberry, but, for me…..if they are being an ass like that, I am going to annoy them right back.

snowberry's avatar

@JLeslie Tapping my brakes is better than slamming on them (brake checking). If the person behind me gets in an accident because they stupidly brake check the guy behind them, then that’s on them. I refuse to take responsibility for nonsense such as that.

It’s a challenging problem, and I’ve thought this through many times. It’s the best solution I can come up with.

longgone's avatar

@janbb Sure. To your heart’s content.

JLeslie's avatar

@snowberry Why are you comparing tapping and slamming?

chyna's avatar

I have found that sometimes when I tap my brakes the person behind me will back off. I think some people don’t realize how close they are and brake tapping is a reminder.

jca2's avatar

In New York state, the state I live in, they will assign blame by a percentage. It’s rare for one driver to get 100% of the blame. “Willfully causing a vehicle accident” is a violation of the traffic code in New York and some other states. In cases where it is found that the driver of a vehicle slammed on his or her brakes solely for the purpose of “teaching a lesson” to the driver behind him or her, they will be assigned a percentage of fault in the accident.

snowberry's avatar

@JLeslie you said “@snowberry Why do you want to irritate the tailgate to no end? Tapping your brakes can cause them to brake hard.”

I’ll put it differently. If they choose to brake hard, and there’s someone traveling closely behind them (which means someone is tailgating them), then the accident that results is their fault, not mine.

I refuse to take responsibility for the stupid actions of other people. I already mentioned I had been rear-ended twice in heavy traffic when everyone was already going slowly. I now consider maintaining appropriate space between my car and another is defensive driving. I do my best to enforce it.

I try very hard to be polite driver, but at the same time, I’ll not be bullied on the road.

JLeslie's avatar

@snowberry I agree with you about the bullying, don’t go faster for them, you should only drive at the speed in which you are comfortable.

However, when someone is closely tailing me I don’t feel safe, so it’s a catch 22.

I think sometimes tailgaters are bullies, some are stupid (not understanding the risk, or they actually think that is the best way to let the person in front know they want to go faster) or, some of them reason they are drafting. The last one, drafting, my husband sometimes uses as an excuse and it pisses me off to no end. Luckily, he mostly drives very well, right around the speed limit, and at a reasonable distance. Mostly.

anniereborn's avatar

I doubt anyone is drafting off my PT Cruiser hahah.

jca2's avatar

@snowberry : As I explained above, you may personally refuse to accept responsibility but in my state, and others, you will be held partly responsible by the insurance companies and therefore, you’ll be paying for a percentage of the damages and your premiums will go up.

snowberry's avatar

@jca2 Yep.

My premium did in fact go up the second time I was rear ended by a tailgater in slow traffic. It went up and neither time was my fault. I had no choice in the matter. That’s life.

Stache's avatar

In my experience when you irritate an already irritated driver the outcome isn’t good. Pressing on your brakes is asking for trouble. Two wrongs don’t make a right.

JLeslie's avatar

I was angry yesterday! A friend who is selling her house has an agent who has pissed me off multiple times now. Long story. I take care of her house when she is out of the country.

jca2's avatar

To me, if someone indicates they want to pass me, I let them pass. Even if I’m going as fast as I think I want to go, and I’m in the left lane, I move over. Here, we do 80 in the left lane (65 mph speed limit). If someone is up my ass, I move over. I’m not playing games with them, I’m not teaching them lessons.

anniereborn's avatar

@jca2 Sure, but I usually do it when they are riding my tail in the right lane or it’s a one lane road.

snowberry's avatar

Agreed @jca. I do the same, although I rarely if ever travel in the left lane.

jca2's avatar

I don’t tap my brakes or slam on my brakes because I don’t want to cause an accident, be involved in an accident, and certainly don’t want to be paying for part of an accident that I caused (as I explained above, as per the law in my state).

On a one lane road, in my town they will ticket if they catch you speeding, so I will go the speed limit and if someone tailgates me they can deal with their impatience. I don’t tailgate people doing the speed limit on local, one lane roads.

Once, a long time ago, I got pulled over and I was in front of two tailgaters. I said to the cop “Did you see that car behind me? He was up my a*s!” The cop said “no matter how fast you’re going, he’ll still be up your a**!” He let me go without a ticket but it taught me a lesson.

JLeslie's avatar

My point about the slammed brakes is if you tap, it risks the tailgater slamming in his brakes. I’m not sure that was understood, although maybe so since a jelly mentioned not worrying about the guy behind you is doing the tailgating causing an accident. I do understand the sentiment, but of course I prefer no one get in an accident, and not to create slower traffic by cause a traffic wave.

jca2's avatar

On the highway I take to work, @JLeslie, when people are in the left lane and tapping their brakes, people get furious and will pass and cut off the left lane lurker. I understood what you meant.

JLeslie's avatar

@jca2 Even If they aren’t angry, when you are close to the car in front of you and you see brake lights, the reaction could easily be (should be) to brake hard. There is no stopping time that close together, you have to assume the car in front is braking hard, then the braking trickles back and back and that’s the wave. It creates more stop and go traffic.

We can’t tell how hard someone is braking just by the brake lights.

Probably it would be good to flash hazards For 5 seconds, or something different. I know you’re not supposed to use hazards for that, but it seems like a decent idea.

I think some states have tap brakes as a thing recommended in the driving handbook. I was taught in drivers ed to not use brakes on highway, or high speed high traffic situations unless necessary, but rather just release the has and keep your distance from the car in front of you. I realize the situations described above don’t all fit into that though.

anniereborn's avatar

I don’t generally tap the brakes (tho I have). I tend to slow down to below the speed limit. Many times they will back off.

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther