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lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Have you ever felt enlightened by an event in the past that has given you a new perspective on life?

Asked by lucillelucillelucille (34297points) October 3rd, 2019

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11 Answers

ucme's avatar

I apologise in advance for the out of character seriousness of my post

I had a sister once, a beautiful, adorable baby sister. Tragically, she died of heart related complications at just 6wks young.
Now although I was only 3yrs old & have no tangible memories of her being around, it still hurts that I never got to look after her, to love her & be that protective big brother as she grew up.

The enlightening part came a few years later & remains as striking today as it was back then & that is the total & enduring respect I have for my mum for not only going through that awful traumatic event, but also for then bringing up 3 young boys as a single parent (tragedy often breaks up marriages)

So yeah, my perspective on life from a very early age…live it to the full & wow…my mum is awesome!!

Inspired_2write's avatar

Yes, When I read about patterns in families that happened though out lifetimes .
I read the book entitled: Wild Swans , by Jung Chang ( 1991/1992)
Where the writer delved into the lives of three generations and patterns that stemmed from the Grandmother, Mother and finally herself, where she recognized a path that was unconsciously followed and incites the readers to look in between the lines of the narrative to discover whats in your family history too?

As a result I began writing not only our Family History lineage and finished documenting that in 2015.
After reading the book Wild Swans I started to write about my late Grandmother, late Mother, and finally my own path.

It showed a pattern that was unconsciously followed !

Here is an example of a pattern:

1. Late Grandmother:
Happy single life.
Arranged marriage (age 17 years old)left school.
Succession of 5 children.
Troubles with non supportive husband, leaves her
Years of being the sole provider for her family
Never married again.

2. Late Mother:
Chaotic childhood.
Age 12 yrs old responsible for caring for her four siblings.
Education cut short at Grade 7 level.
Worked in Aunts Cafe and learned how to manage.
Married age 23 years old and also had a succession of five children.
Happy at first then chaotic life taking full responsibility for managing as husband had problems settling in a several jobs making income from good to bad to worse scenarios.
Although husband never left the marriage, he failed miserably by going out all of the time leaving mother to handle all crises ( flood, house fire, economics etc)
instead of leaving mother broke down and was institutionalized.
Insight proves now that having 4 siblings to look after at age 12 yrs old and having 5 children of her own and all the responsibility took too much to bear the repeated role that was hoisted on her earlier in life.

3. Daughter:
Chaotic ups and downs ( unstable economics) in household required us children to look after our mother’s state of health thereby putting out own needs aside.
After years of being guarded and held down ( no freedom) were suddenly thrust out at age 17 years old knowing nothing about the world of relationships etc
Siblings and I were given an ultimatum to get out by age 18 yrs old or be kicked out on the street, regardless of economics etc
First Date age 17years old.
Taken advantage of , forced marriage,succession of kids not five but four and one died.
No support other than economic from a non supportive husband who had problems sustaining work.
I divorced with three kids and continued working ( all throughout the marriage, except one year off).
Changed the pattern somewhat by still working, then quit that job ( hospital) then obtained student loan for upgrading education, then College, then better jobs followed.

My Children:
Broke this pattern by not having my oldest look after her siblings but rather had the kids in daycare facility as I worked long hours to make sure that they were fed, clothed,housed,safe, educated and prospering.
Encouraged my children to live single and not marry young but instead plan there future life by furthering there education, live on there own,manage there own finances etc
In short control there own life path as they see fit and hopefully live out a much happier life.
Marry only if husband is supportive , economically and is committed in the marriage.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

@ucme -<<HUGS>> I like your perspective very much :)

ucme's avatar

Cheers pet :)

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

@Inspired_2write – That is interesting.
I hope they (and you) are all doing well.

Inspired_2write's avatar

@lucillelucillelucille
I am retired now and they are adults living as they wish.

Ups and downs experienced but much better.

Life happens, but it doesn’t have to be painful nor have a dire outcome.

BackinBlack's avatar

A woman who did my tattoos (she was an educated artist with amazing skills in the art of tattooing) was diagnosed with cancer when I started working with her. I went back to her several times for more work and by the time we were finished with my sleeve she was “cured of cancer!” Less than a year later I was drafting an email to her to start a new project and I thought I better check out her page to make sure she’s still at that location and accepting projects etc. Unfortunately, there was a memorial on her page that said she had passed away after a long hard fight… I went through her Instagram to see what happened after the cancer came back and it just tore me up.

That day I quit smoking and doing other harmful things to my body. I quit everything cold turkey and stopped eating crap food. I gave up meat and sugar and started doing yoga after that too.

I haven’t had a cigarette since. Even though I wasn’t close to her I still was really upset and bothered by her death and caused me to change.

I also got my husband to quit smoking!

I saw her posts and how she lost hope everyday that she would live. Each post revealed she clearly saw her life slipping away. I am thankful to be alive and I don’t want to take anything for granted.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

@BackinBlack -She gave you a gift, it seems:)
My husband and I quit smoking at the same time, years ago because we like adventure. XD
How are you feeling since your dietary changes?

BackinBlack's avatar

@lucillelucillelucille She did :) I feel great and I’ve lost about 20lbs and kept it off! I bet you guys feel better not smoking too. I don’t know why I ever even did it now that I live without it.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

@BackinBlack -That’s great!
I wish I could remember what year we did that but it was a long time ago.
It didn’t take long to notice a difference though. He & I would go on evening walks and I noticed that within a week, I could breathe deeper.I could taste food better too-not necessarily a great thing,given the way that I cook. XD
I question what made me start that as well.

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