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jca2's avatar

What advice would you give to your child who is saying her friend brags all the time?

Asked by jca2 (6337points) 1 month ago

My daughter, who is 12, has been telling me that her friend brags all the time. She is friends with these twins, and in a lot of classes with one twin. She has been telling me that the girl is always bragging. The girl says things like “our house is worth $_____” and “my dad just bought a new car that cost $50,000” and “our dog is so beautiful and you never see those dogs in shelters because they’re too valuable.” If they have an assignment, and the girl does extra, she brags about it all day “I can’t believe I did 60 questions” or something like that.

My daughter said she no longer likes the girl but they’re in a small school and their circle of friends is small. Us moms are friendly so sometimes we do things together. My daughter asked me not to tell anybody at the school (administration). She said every time she turns around, there’s one of the twins. I told her to tell the girl that “we don’t have to talk about you all day” but she said she’s afraid of retaliation (they can be mean and do things like shun people).

These are middle class people, as we are. It’s not like they live in a mansion or anything, but apparently the girls have the idea that what they have is something that should be envied.

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5 Answers

gorillapaws's avatar

I think this is a great opportunity to explain what “insecurity” means, and how this personality flaw manifests in some people who feel like they have to overcompensate because they are actually lacking confidence. You might even explain how it’s common for twins to struggle with confidence and identity because they’re always in competition with each other for their parent’s attention.

It’s probably also a great opportunity to talk about how there are going to be plenty of people in the world with character flaws and a big part of becoming a young adult is to learn how to be mature about other people’s shortcomings, even mention some of your own shortcomings.

KNOWITALL's avatar

It definately sounds like bragging to me, which means the twins weren’t taught any manners. I’d advise your child to stay humble and feel sorry for them, as they apparently believe money equates to value, which (as @gorillapaws stated) is an insecurity issue.

Then, someone commented with something like, “Sharing actual numbers is disgusting. Use percentages, if you must.”

The conversation continued, others chimed in, and it became clear that openly talking about money made some people pretty angry. There was an overwhelming amount of people who said the whole conversation was tacky and that money should not be discussed, EVER.

In fact, according to a survey conducted by Ally Bank, 70% of Americans think that it’s rude to talk about money. Respondents said they were more likely to disclose their income (39%) over savings (30%) or debt (29%) to family and friends.

And, it doesn’t end there. People don’t like to talk about how much they pay in rent, their monthly mortgage payment, or even how much they spend on internet service.

Talking about money is even seen as taboo among close family members, even among married couples. According to a survey done by Fidelity, 43% of respondents don’t know how much their partner earns, and 36% are unaware of the amount they have invested.

Here’s one last interesting study that I’d like to bring up, University College London found that people were seven times more likely to talk to a stranger about sex, affairs, and sexually transmitted diseases than discussing their salary.

And another:

flutherother's avatar

It means nothing. I would just ask my daughter if the twins are OK, bragging aside.

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