Social Question

SergeantQueen's avatar

How do you guys cope with major stress?

Asked by SergeantQueen (11751points) November 10th, 2019

I’m going to link this and give an update.
This user is me, posted from an alt account because I wasn’t comfortable at the time posting from this account.
Since then, I have been out of that relationship for exactly 8 months. I have taken legal action but I won’t be anymore specific than that at this time.
I am not currently in therapy, to be honest I dislike 1 on 1 and never could quite talk about what I was paying to talk about. Always discussed this that and the other thing (mainly college)
I was doing well for a few months, mainly because I never heard from police and just assumed that maybe I was over-reacting and things weren’t as bad as they actually were. Now that things are happening and I’m hearing all these terms being used I realize he truly was dangerous and it’s scaring me quite a bit.
I’ve been having nightmares, losing sleep, getting hives (rashes) from stress and just overall constantly anxious.
I’m mainly looking for some tips on how you guys deal with stress, I guess. Things aren’t looking to bright in my eyes anymore.

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15 Answers

kritiper's avatar

I take my gun out into the desert and kill something. Like a ground squirrel or a jack rabbit.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Wow, I’m sorry. All I can say is try to find family and friends to help you heal. Dont isolate.

johnpowell's avatar

I don’t deal with stress. I ignore it. Are you going to die? If not you shouldn’t really be that bothered by it.

I know that sounds flippant. But my life has seen a substantial amount of horrible shit. So I pretty much just ignore the shit that won’t kill me.

But it helps to make a plan. What is the stress? What can be done about it? If you can’t do anything about it make a grilled cheese and tomato soup.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

I sleep when I am tried and try to eat when I am hungry. I take baby steps to improve my life.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Exercise,eating right & meditation can all help. Meanwhile read up on sociopaths.
Good luck

SergeantQueen's avatar

@lucillelucillelucille I’ve read up on that. As well as narcissists and psychopaths.

@johnpowell That’s good advice. I try my best to remind myself that it’s all out of my hands and I’ve done what I can, and that gives me some peace of mind. I suppose the only thing left for me to do is to keep telling my story, and not allow myself to be silenced by some asshole who thinks (and possibly always will think) that he is an angel who did nothing wrong (I’m the one that is horrible, in his mind.)

LadyMarissa's avatar

Sweetie….TAKE BACK THE CONTROL of your life!!! He’‘s a user & an abuser & he will continue to USE you as long as you allow!!! I was in a similar situation back when I was 19 & he was 29. Only thing I did different was I married mine thinking it would prove to him how much I loved him. ALL it did was give him MORE control over me & my life spiraled into the depths of hell!!! It got so freaking bad that when he threatened to kill me, I begged him to do it (because it would release me from my pain). It was at that point that I knew that I had to grow stronger than he was & get my life back together under my OWN terms!!!

Once his threats no longer worked in controlling me, I insisted on going away. He assured me that I’d NEVER make it on my own & that I’d have to beg him to return. I promised myself that begging to return to him would NOT happen in my lifetime!!!

I refused to see him or even talk to him for the longest time once I was out on my own. Yes, I was stressed, but I found comfort in the solitude of NOT having him there with me!!! I kept myself busy by working 2 jobs. The more I worked, the better I felt. The better I felt, the safer I felt. Once he lost his control over me, he found another lonely little girl to torture & I decided better her than me!!! Any time I felt as though I was missing him, I reminded myself of the heartache & pain that he had shared with me. That always snapped me back into reality & I’d stop missing him!!!

I wish I could give you a magic pill that will fix your problem, but there isn’t one!!! YOU are the ONLY one who can do this for yourself & YOU are the ONLY one who knows the best way to achieve your goal of personal freedom. Find a way to CONTROL your feelings for him & you will learn how to find the peace that you so desperately need!!!

Just remember that he chose you because you were young & an easy target to control. He felt nothing for you…ONLY what you were willing to give him!!! It sounds as though he’s working on your replacement now; so make it YOUR choice when you leave!!! He’s NOT worth all the stress & trauma that you’ve been through, so learn to LOVE YOURSELF first & foremost!!!

SergeantQueen's avatar

@LadyMarissa Thank you for your answer. I am doing my damn hardest to keep him out of my life. Its a lot. This whole process has been very stressful and very annoying but I’m hoping I’ll feel better once it’s over. I just have to work towards finding peace. May I ask, were you ever able to forgive him? I’ve heard stories about how people felt better after forgiving their abuser but I just can’t picture myself ever doing that and maybe it’s too soon.

LadyMarissa's avatar

It’s way too soon to worry about forgiving him!!! That may or may not come in time. Worry about getting & keeping yourself AWAY from him & the rest will fall onto place along the way. None of it is an overnight process; but, it is a necessary process to protect yourself from further harm!!!

IF you attempt to discuss what he has done to you with him, he’ll just tell you that you’re crazy & it’s ALL made up in your head because he would NEVER do such a thing to you. I bet he was nice to you in front of friends & then flipped into the devil when you were alone. That way the friends will most likely take his side. The ones that don’t are excluded from his inner circle so as to NOT corrupt his believers. He’s done everything he can to limit your friends & keep you in HIS circle of friends to limit those trying to distance you from him.

To answer your question, I had NO desire to forgive mine, but life found a way to give me that forgiveness. It took me over 50 years to get to that point & by that time I did NOT find it important to let him know that I forgave him. He died a miserable & lonely death because he lived a miserable & lonely life. When I heard, I felt sad for maybe 3 seconds & then a sudden wave of relief in knowing that there was absolutely NO WAY he could ever screw up mine ever again!!!

Good luck & keep the strength!!!

IF you ever need any moral support, I’m only a DM away!!! I promise NOT to judge & I will give my honest opinion to a fault.

Inspired_2write's avatar

I had some stress like this ( abusive husband).
Moved away, got a silent phone number,got a box number for mail.
Lived in a small Town where everyone knew each other and looked out for one another.
Cut off all communication .
Lived on my own and it took awhile before I could relax and feel good walking around Town, was always afraid of him showing up or other men whom may or may not be like that.
I never dated anyone for years ( long time) got control of my life and made goals etc
Finally a couple of years ago I heard that he passed away in a hospice out East. That was the first time that I could breathe easier and felt like a weight was taken off my back.
Like is better now and I have set up boundaries if ever in a dating situation ( give it time..not rush into a relationship etc). Good luck.

snowberry's avatar

@SergeantQueen there’s a saying “forgive and forget”. Forgiving is fine, but to forget sets you up to do it all over again. Never ever forget this painful lesson!

Aster's avatar

I want to say before I hit Netflix that my ex, after I had been gone a few weeks said, “I know you will want me back in 1 year or 5 years or 10 years!” Well, it has been 32 years and I am thrilled I’m not “back” with him (Satan).

snowberry's avatar

Let’s talk about forget. Forget about what? That he did such and such bad thing(s) to you? No.

Try instead forgetting about hating him, forget about revenge, etc. Your best revenge is to live a good life!

SergeantQueen's avatar

@snowberry I am over it all. Not what he did to me, but the anger. I don’t like him, I don’t want anything to do with him. But I am done being pissed. I need to focus on me and only me.

He was found guilty for Trafficking of a child, and he will be sentenced in December. No testifying. No Trial. He plead guilty.

I want to be happy. And I am doing what I can to achieve that.

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