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charliecompany34's avatar

How do you convince somebody that a new hair-do would embellish their appearance?

Asked by charliecompany34 (7793points) August 29th, 2008

years ago, i think it was billy joel, wrote a song titled “i love you just the way you are.” God knows i love my wife and i ain’t trying to change her and, well, i’m not a hairstylist either, but she refuses to try even “safe” new cuts or styles that i believe she’d really be happy with if she had the guts to go there. i see a picture of us from 1995 when i had a high-top fade. if i had a high-top fade today, i would be dating myself. you could say her haircut is timeless and do-able no matter what decade, but getting her to “go there” is a real challenge. lady flutherers, please don’t beat me up on this one.

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19 Answers

gailcalled's avatar

“i ain’t trying to change her”...aren’t you?

Bri_L's avatar

I have told my wife, right around hair cut time, what I would realy like to see. I make sure she knows that it isn’t that she looks bad. I also ask her if there is a different way she would like my hair.

You might also solicit the help of some of her ladie friends. They could talk it up, maybe make it a lady’s day out.

SeekerSeekiing's avatar

I think she needs to have her hair the way _she_likes it.

I used to ‘hide’ behind my hair, and could never change it….if it’s meant to be—it’ll happen… or you could contact that “What Not to Wear” TV show. They do hair too… ;-) Of course she may never forgive you! And you KNOW she wouldn’t forget….

cyndyh's avatar

I’m not beating you up, but I think you already know there’s something wrong with what you’re saying because you already expect the women to beat you up over it. It should be what she wants.

augustlan's avatar

Should, schmould…sometimes people are stuck in a rut, and it does date you. I’m a woman, and while I might not be too thrilled to hear it, I would want you to be honest about it. Reassure her that you love her with this hairstyle or that, or no hair at all, but tell her a new style might give her quite a “pick-me-up”, and bring out her natural beauty. Show her pictures of the haircut(s), saying you think she’d look even better with something like that. It took 3 women friends and her hairdresser a good 10 years to convince a friend of mine to change her “Miss America 1985” hair style. She finally got rid of the big “do”, and traded it in for a sleek new bob last year. It took years off her appearance, and she’s never looked better. For her, it took some getting used to, but she seems happy with it now. If she decides later that it’s not for her, she can always grow it back…that’s the beauty of hair!

Emilyy's avatar

I’m a lady and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what you are feeling, for a couple reasons. First, I think a lot of people’s appearances are symbolic of them holding onto the past. Not to draw too much from pop culture, but if anyone watches What Not to Wear or any other makeover-type show, you see these women who are still wearing their frumpy maternity clothes four years after giving birth because they can’t move on and accept their post-baby body. Or you see the women who cut off their hair that’s down to their back and they’re bawling the whole time because it’s so emotional to change such a big part of them. So first, I would ask if there’s anything from the past that your lady might be holding onto with her outdated look. Maybe there’s a deeper meaning that she needs to work out.

Secondly, when you see people on those makeover shows, the spouse usually says something like, “She was gorgeous before, but now she looks so great and so happy.” It’s not that you don’t love her the way she is, but you see that she could be reaching her full potential, and she’s not with an outdated hairstyle. I think for a lot of people the fear of change keeps them from trying anything new.

In term of suggestions….First, praise her incessantly if she does try a new hairstyle that you like (without being so obvious that you are trying to encourage it). Definitely try to talk to her lady friends and see if they could suggest something nonchalantly. Or, get her a spa package as a gift with the whole works—massage, manicure, pedicure, as much as you can afford, and maybe try to either encourage her to “treat herself” to a cut or tell the stylist to suggest it. I think part of the reason why those makeover shows work is because when it’s coming from a professional, it’s professional advice. When it’s coming from a husband, it’s “He doesn’t love me and thinks I’m ugly and wants me to change.”

Now, beware because this could backfire if she happens to ask the stylist if you put her up to the suggestion, but I think trying to get a professional to suggest it rather than you would be the best. If you’ve mentioned this to her in the past, it might be a sore subject already. The more you push her, the less interested she’ll be in trying something new.

An ex of mine was balding and I never, ever suggested the “buzzed look” even though I knew it would make him look way younger and sexier. He wore his hair the way he wanted it, and I went along with it, never saying anything to him. I think he was also more than a little bummed to be losing his hair and didn’t want to accept that. It wasn’t until his barber took ill and his hair got so long that he finally asked me to buzz it off. The compliments he got on it afterwards quickly changed his mind about his hairstyle and he’s kept it very short ever since. Sometimes you just have to let people figure this stuff out on their own.

Emilyy's avatar

Oh, I read the other responses fast and didn’t realize that someone else had mentioned What Not to Wear. We’re on the same wavelength.

Mr_M's avatar

Are you kidding? There is inexpensive software available (and you probably can get it free if you look hard enough) that will allow you to take her actual photograph and superimpose different hairstyles on it. Much the same way as Plastic Surgeons have software that will show the patient how they would look with the cosmetic changes they want. Show her some samples of her picture with different hairstyles. On just WHAT hairstyles, ask her friends or her stylist. Her stylist would be the best since the woman might not have the type of hair she could do just anything with.

Bri_L's avatar

I don’t think there is anything wrong with suggesting that you would like to see a different hairstyle on someone if you have an established loving relationship and your supportive and can drop it if in the end they choose not to do it.

poofandmook's avatar

I think the feminism is being taken a little too far here. I’m sure some of the women protesting wouldn’t think twice about telling their man to do something different with his hair. I’m all for men not telling women what to do or trying to change them, but this is hair. It grows back.

jca's avatar

right on, poofandmook!

BTW, i have two friends who have hideous hair, both have bad hair color. i think part of it is they go to hick hairdressers who don’t know any better. i think if someone goes to a good hairdresser (this does not mean an expensive hairdresser) and gives some suggestions but then lets the pro do their thing, sometimes the results can be great. like poofandmook said, it’s hair and it grows back.

cyndyh's avatar

Yes, it’s hair and it grows back, but it’s still her hair and not his or any of ours. I have actually buzzed my head to give the once-messed-up hair a “hard reboot”. My hair will grow back. You don’t know how old she is or what shape her hair is in or if it will grow back like it was or not.

poofandmook's avatar

@cyndyh: Right.. but… okay. Say you come home with a haircut one day that’s completely unflattering. Say you have a round face, and what you think is cute, actually makes your face look even rounder. Pumpkin-like, even. You’re all excited because you finally chopped off 12+ inches of hair, so you don’t really see that the haircut really really doesn’t fit you. You’d prefer it if your husband lied and said it was perfect only so he wouldn’t be in danger of trying to change you?

gailcalled's avatar

@poof: Have you ever had a bad haircut that you didn’t hate on the spot – whilst (AC, for you) looking in the mirror at salon?

And speaking of haircuts and being petty, what about Sarah Palin’s do?

Bri_L's avatar

I find it appealing

cyndyh's avatar

@poof: If I ask my husband what he thinks he’ll tell me. That’s not what we’ve been talking about here. We’re talking about one person trying to pick someone else’s haircut, and unless you’re asked for that advice it’s best to keep it to yourself.

poofandmook's avatar

I don’t know… I just don’t see what the big deal is. If my boyfriend said, “Hey, did you ever think of trying xxx with your hair?” I’d not be offended. I’d not take it as an insult, slight, or attempt to control. Maybe it’s me coming from a different, more laid-back generation? Whatever the reason is, I just do not understand the hullabaloo.

cyndyh's avatar

I think the big deal is that the question already stated that “she refuses” and he’s still wanting to talk her into it.

poofandmook's avatar

@cyndyh: What I got from his question was not that he’s asked her and she refuses… but that he assumes she refuses because she always does it the same way. It seemed to me like if he had already said something, there wouldn’t be any point in asking the question. Maybe I interpreted it wrong?

If he did say something and she did refuse, yes, there is definite cause for a bit of a hullabaloo. Otherwise, meh, not a big deal to me.

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