General Question

windex's avatar

Do you blame your parents for your failures?

Asked by windex (2932points) August 30th, 2008

things like: my dad never taught me how to invest money, or use a condom, or my mom raised me to be too sensitive etc.

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24 Answers

iwamoto's avatar

no, in the end it also comes down to your own actions…

Knotmyday's avatar

No. My parents rule, and I haven’t any failures. Just setbacks on my way to the top. Boo-yah.

flyawayxxballoon's avatar

No, I don’t. I can control myself, and so can [most] other people.
If I screw up, it’s my own fault, and not anyone else’s.
[Unless your parents did something really horrible, like abuse you…then that would be their fault.]

judochop's avatar

No but I blame other peoples parents when I see someone doing something stupid.

loser's avatar

Nope. I blame the voices…

trudacia's avatar

In very recent questions here on fluther, I’ve become aware of some real challenges growing up in foster care, etc. I will never complain about my parents again!

Megan64's avatar

Everything affects who we are, including our parents. I can’t blame (or thank) any one thing for how my life has turned out.

Mexicanamerican's avatar

not at all, any advice they would attempt to give me I wouldn’t follow. In the end I believe we are all responsible for our own actions.

windex's avatar

wowi, really surprised at the answers.

So not a single person here thinks back and says “only if my dad/mom told me about this just like Johnny’s dad/mom, I would be in a better position, now I have to work even harder just to achieve what Johnny has achieve.”...

SeekerSeekiing's avatar

Nope, my parents are my past. I am responsible for who I am. And in that vein, I thank my parents for the opportunities they gave me to seek and understand. They were both alcoholics and one a heroin addict. And it was a blessing…

JackAdams's avatar

No, I only blame them for my conception and live birth.

From that point onward, everything was my own fault.

August 31, 2008, 2:01 AM EDT

poofandmook's avatar

I blame my father for something that’s not something I can control or choose: My inability to show [good] emotions properly. I’m sort of hybrid. I spent enough time with my mom and her side to be able to show [good] emotions sometimes. But most of the time, though I may want to, I just can’t.. since I was raised by my father and that’s a classic trait from his side of the family, I do blame him.

It’s probably not his fault, just like it’s not really my fault, but that’s what it is. I’m just hoping and praying that when I have kids, it sort of kick’s my mom’s side in me into gear.

wildflower's avatar

No. My failures are mine, not theirs.
When I analyze my failures and try to learn from them, I might think that part of the reason I wasn’t able to succeed is due to the nature of my relationship with my parents, but that’s still part of my make-up, so it’s still on me at least as much as them.

Anything your parents didn’t teach you or show you, you can learn through other channels.

poofandmook's avatar

I agree with wildflower… except in the situation I’m talking about, I really believe it’s something you’re raised and nurtured with.

wilhel1812's avatar

I do. I shouldn’t.

Allie's avatar

No. The choices I make are mine and mine alone. I decide how I live my life. If I do well then I deserve the credit for it, and if I fuck up then it’s my own damn fault.

Snoopy's avatar

We are who we are today due to our life’s experiences. Both good and bad. I don’t blame my parents for anything. They did their best and it is my responsibilty to build from there…...

(my parent’s didn’t teach me how a condom was to be used either…..and somehow I figured it out…..)

marinelife's avatar

I see things that my parents did that caused wounds or were not helpful. Also things they failed to do to nurture and support me.

In the end, though, it is my responsibility to work on my own issues, which I have done, and my responsibility to craft my own life.

I also came to see that it was their wounds that sometimes caused them to fail me or hurt me. They did not do it out of animus. I have forgiven them so that I can move past it in my own life.

nascarchick26's avatar

sometimes yes and sometimes no..my dad was bi polar and had problems my mom did things that hurt me and i stayed with other family most of the time

Judi's avatar

I used to blame myself for my kids problems. Especially as teenagers. When I finally realized that they were making their own decisions, right or wrong and stopped taking responsibility for their choices they began making better choices. Go figure.

cyndyh's avatar

I think there’s a big difference between seeing how something influenced your upbringing and blaming your parents for that influence. I recognize the influence of where and when I was born and see it as having some positives and some negatives. It doesn’t mean I have to assign blame for the things I didn’t and couldn’t control. It’s just a helpful marker that says “You Are Here”.

marinelife's avatar

@cyndyh Well said!

cyndyh's avatar

Thank you. :^>

XrayGirl's avatar

I would be lying if I said, “No, I don’t blame them.” I still do, occassionally and I think it is wrong to blame them..they did the best they could and now it is up to me to make things right or better.

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