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mazingerz88's avatar

Have you ever been with someone at the exact moment of their death?

Asked by mazingerz88 (26673points) January 22nd, 2020 from iPhone

How was that moment for you?

I experienced helping taking care of two people in two separate occasions who were in hospice but missed the moment when they passed away which was regrettable for me. Would have liked to say proper goodbyes and also hear anything they would have wanted to say to me, if any.

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22 Answers

longgone's avatar

Just my dog. It was good, I guess. Not fun, but good.

ucme's avatar

I, along with a colleague, had a man die from cardiac arrest as we comforted him after he complained of chest pains.
This was at work & he was one of the many Alzheimers sufferers placed in our care for that day.

He passed before the ambulance crew could get to him & despite our attempts at resuscitation. He was a lovely, kind old man & I often think of him with fondness.

KNOWITALL's avatar

My grandfather, and yes, a few dogs.

With my grandfather, I got to tell him what I needed to, and it was incredibly sad. He was the best man in my life, a vet, and a great neighbor everyone loved. My big Irish redheaded papaw. I loved him very much.
Basically he was only in hospital about a week, and was breathing too poorly to allow him to die at home, which is preferred in my area. So we all stayed with him and his breath got more and more shallow, and he was gone. He did keep ripping the canula out, so I knew he was ready to go.

With my lovely old dog, well, he passed of cancer at the age of 15 with us by his side, loving on him. It was absolutely heartbreaking, but he was in pain and I couldn’t have that. We let him linger a month longer than we should have probably, but his quality of life was not acceptable. Just laying there on pain pills with a glazed look. He deserved better so we let him go.

(Thanks, I am sitting with tears streaming down my face now.)

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

My father in law, I watched him take his last breath. It was sad but he was surrounded by his family when it happened.

I walked upon a group of hikers and one of them had collapsed. We did CPR for almost an hour taking turns before first responders were able to locate us and get up the trail. I think the person died quickly but we kept trying.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Yes. My friend’s grandmother. She waited for our visit.
It was good that she didn’t die alone.

zenvelo's avatar

My former father in law. He was in ICU, unconscious, as the added morphine”for comfort” took effect and his blood pressure dropped to zero.

Two hours before, as we individually said goodbye, his only response to me was a bewildered look as he asked, what happened.”

cookieman's avatar

Yes, my uncle.

LadyMarissa's avatar

I was sleeping next to my husband when he died in his sleep. I wasn’t aware of what was happening at the time, so it may not count.

My dad was in hospice, but he passed during the night when I was at home. I wasn’t in the room with any of his hospice neighbors when they passed but I could hear them during their final moment. I could tell which ones went to Heaven & which ones didn’t. The ones that didn’t were screaming a blood curdling scream on their way out. The ones that did had final words of “It’s time to go home.”

Other than that I had 2 cats die in my arms. With both of them, it just looked like they went to sleep & they suddenly stopped breathing.

I can tell you that my dad did have spirits visit him every day for the final few weeks. He would talk to them but I couldn’t understand what he was saying to them. The unnerving part was that I could see them but never heard anything other than my dad talking to them. I spoke to the chaplain about my concerns & she assured me that this was a normal part of the dying process & that I shouldn’t be worried because they weren’t coming to take me. I can say that the spirit traffic increased tremendously on his final day, so I wasn’t shocked when I got the call that he had passed!!!

gondwanalon's avatar

I was on the phone with my Sister. I told her to let me talk to Mom who was in a hospice. My Sister told me that Mom just took her last breath just now. She put the phone to my Mom’s ear and I said, “Goodbye Mom I love you”. Felt like I was there.

Also three of my cats took their last breaths in my presence. On was euthanized and the other two seem to wait for me to be there before they died. When they felt that I was there they just stopped breathing. Felt weird and surrealistic.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Yes. :-( A friend of mine. He was in his 70s and had been sick for months.
We were sitting on the couch together when things let loose.

There’s a lot more to this but I’ll stop now.
The answer is “Yes”.

Patty_Melt's avatar

((((((group hug)))))) for @LuckyGuy.
Everybody join in.

As for me, no. A few times missed by minutes or hours.

filmfann's avatar

Yes. My Mom.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

Yes, I’ve worked and volunteered in hospice off and on for about 13 years. I’ve also lost pets like other jellies here, but honestly I find that difficult to do in a vet setting. I can hold them at home but I can’t go with them to be euthanized.

Death is an interesting thing to me, most people don’t know how to cope with grief and I think part of that is because we are so removed from the experience in the way we do things these days and that makes it even more complex. There are a lot of formalities and expenses and other stressors that detract from the actual experience and I think that complicates it for people. Being up close and personal with death changes your relationship with it.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@ANef_is_Enuf Why cant you be with your pets when euthanized?

chyna's avatar

Yes. My mom. We knew it was coming and had been with her around the clock. But I was the only one with her when she passed. I was actually kind of glad it was just me with her.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

@KNOWITALL I’m not sure. It’s weird because I have no qualms whatsoever about being with them if they pass at home. I have PTSD from a death (of a person, not an animal), maybe there are wires crossed there, I dunno. I have 2 senior cats and I am dreading having to take one or both of them for those appointments in the future.

LuckyGuy's avatar

It’s sad that my last image of him was in that state. We had a good time the night before at his favorite Swiss Chalet. The next morning we went to his place for breakfast and that was it.

gondwanalon's avatar

Came close one time in the hospital I was sent to a man’s room to draw his blood for lab testing. He looked asleep. I tried to wake him but there was no response. When I put the tourniquet around his arm I could tell that there was no pulse. Ran to get the nurse. She told me he’s gone.

nightwolf5's avatar

Yes, my mom. She was bedridden and ill, was expecting it. Well it was quite sad and just glad we were all there with her.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Anuf_is_enuf I’m sorry. Maybe a friend can go with you for support. Sometimes vets will come to your home, here anyway. Hugs.

tedibear's avatar

Yes, my mom. It wasn’t easy, but I am glad I was there for her.

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