General Question

Nevada83's avatar

Why do people act like it's your fault you have flaws?

Asked by Nevada83 (828points) April 5th, 2020

For example, in my Discord server, they keep talking about the fact that their old teacher is deaf (she was born deaf) and making it seem like it’s her fault. Another example is, I get called out for being skinny. I’m naturally skinny… I could eat all the food in the refrigerator for a month straight or work out every day for a year and not gain a pound.

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12 Answers

kritiper's avatar

Everybody, it would seem, thinks that they, themselves, are perfect. It’s a certain naivete.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

There are a lot of reasons someone might do that.
They have different values and perspectives than you and are judging you.
They are trying to shame or humiliate you, perhaps as revenge or a power play.
They might just be threatened by your appearance.
They are insecure people and insulting you makes them feel better.That’s not good but it is what it is.It’s your choice whether or not you want to be around that.
The key is to build your confidence so those kind of comments don’t bother you.:)

ucme's avatar

I would like to publicly thank @lucillelucillelucille for leaving me with no answer worth giving.
Spot on SH :-)

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

It is a flaw for them to find fault in your flaws.

janbb's avatar

It depends what the flaws are. If they’re physical or mental flaws that you can’t do anything about, then they shouldn’t. But if it’s character flaws that you can correct, then it is your fault.

nightwolf5's avatar

Maybe it could be due to they just don’t understand your flaw, or want to try to understand.

Patty_Melt's avatar

I have pondered this very thing many times over the years. When my last baby was two, I got the answer.

On the bus she would whisper to me, “that man is eating.” Walking home from school, “The kids were making fun of Mrs. Phatbottom today during recess.”
Watching TV, “that man said a bad word.”
As babies, toddlers, and tweens we hear one rule after another from parents and teachers. When they start “getting it” they feel obligated to police beyond family.
Also, sometimes it is so someone will agree, or disagree, which lets them know if they have made a correct observation.

There have been times in my life when someone did that to me that I answered with, “I have forty seven character flaws. Let’s discuss them all, or mention none.”

seawulf575's avatar

I think it says more about people that see the things you cites as “flaws”. Sometimes a person’s weight might be their fault…if they eat wa-a-a-a-y-y-y-y too much and never exercise and are, surprise, overweight. If they “too skinny” it might be more of a psychological thing such as bulimia or anorexia. Not really their fault, but something they can seek help to control. When we identify something that makes someone different and call it a “flaw” it assumes that there is some ideal. Throughout history, what people have found physically attractive has changed. Now, if someone is self-centered, arrogant, abusive, greedy to a fault and other such things, I consider those to be faults…something that person can actually control on their own…if they really want to.

johnpowell's avatar

Nothing to ponder. People are bags of shit. Not all people are bags of shit. Stop talking to the bags of shit and spend your energy on the non-bags.

You don’t have to listen to or care about idiots.

Just walk away and they will move on to posting racist shit on Twitter.

Response moderated (Spam)
Laura8888's avatar

You will find a lot of ignorant airheads who will blame others for many things. I know someone who is so ignorant that she’ll act like a physically challenged person caused their own condition! Ignore them.

snowberry's avatar

I like to respond this way:

ā€œIā€™m so sorry I failed to meet your expectations!ā€

Then I change the subject. Try it. It works!

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