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SQUEEKY2's avatar

Would you give a cheating spouse a third chance?

Asked by SQUEEKY2 (18724points) 2 months ago

My nephew’s wife has cheated on him three times, and after a while comes slinking back to him and he takes her back, we try and talk to him and all he says he loves her and it’s his life.
How do you get through to someone like that, we are all convinced she will do it again, and none of the family remotely trust her, do we just sit back and wait for her to hurt him again?

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26 Answers

elbanditoroso's avatar

Third chance? No way. Her ticket got punched after the first time. Show her to the door.

Tropical_Willie's avatar

One eight hundred attorney !

1–800— ATT-ORNEY

SQUEEKY2's avatar

That is what we told him but he stood his ground and said it was his life.
Just 2 things would end it for me abuse, and faithfulness and his wife broke number two three times.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

No. I have problems giving a first chance. Let alone three.

Tropical_Willie's avatar

Maybe a baby from daddy number two ??

SQUEEKY2's avatar

No she isn’t knocked up, and they don’t have kids she has 2 by her first husband.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

It fully depends on the circumstances for the first time. The second is a no-go. The third means there are psych issues with the person being cheated on also.

stanleybmanly's avatar

The tragedy is that you cannot live your nephew’s life. Love can turn the most stalwart of individuals into dishrags. Your nephew KNOWS he’s a sop. The lecture’s not gonna do it. I don’t know what she does for him, but quiz him on it, then strive to dangle someone better in front of him. Actually, this is probably more a job in Mrs. Squeeky’s line. YOU don’t want to be tangled in any appearance of seeking out young girls, regardless of whatever noble intentions.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

No.
If that was my nephew, I wouldn’t let it bother me as it doesn’t seem to bother him enough to do anything about it….unless he is whining or complaining about her to me.
Then I’d tell him that I don’t want to hear about it.

Dutchess_lll's avatar

Well, no I wouldn’t but I’m not your nephew. As far as me, if he, or anyone else brought another cheating story to me I would say “I just don’t want to hear it. End of discussion.”

jca2's avatar

I wouldn’t give a second chance, let alone a third chance. As for your nephew, he’s clearly going to do things his way and all you can do is listen to him and not get too emotionally involved in his relationship choices.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

If you want to help him find out why. Don’t lecture, just listen. Really listen. Maybe there are reasons. Maybe he doesn’t believe he can do better, maybe he is afraid of being alone, maybe he’s afraid of change, maybe there’s something else entirely. For me, finances and health insurance were huge motivators to make my relationship work in combination with the fact that monogamy is not a high priority for me.What upset me about my ex’s infidelity was that he didn’t use protection and that upset me because it put me in potential danger. Not everyone has the same values, priorities or desires for their relationship and while cheating is usually seen as the big dealbreaker for most people – it’s not for everyone.

LadyMarissa's avatar

I learned it the hard way, but she’d have been gone with the 2nd time!!! I give the benefit of the doubt for a total lapse of intelligence the first time…kind of like a warning shot. With #2 you’re gone. IF I lost my mind & forgave with #2, don’t bother to even stop by to pick up your clothes with #3 because they’ll be in shreds!!!

ONLY problem is that he’s correct on one thing…it’s his life & his decision!!! At this point it’s harder for you to watch his pain than it is for him to feel it. When HE hurts bad enough, he will come to his senses & dump the bitch!!! Until HE is ready, there’s nothing that you can do to stop his pain. Just as you can’t stop an alcoholic from drinking, you can’t stop someone blindly in love from loving. On the other side, you ARE correct. She WILL do it to him again. He just has to get to the point where the pain he’s feeling outweighs the love he has for her…it will come in time. It’s impossible to do it for him!!!

Inspired_2write's avatar

https://www.dumblittleman.com/what-to-say-to-someone-who-cheated-on-you/

I would have a talk with your nephew and ask him how he feels about it..let him get it out .
Listen to him. He needs to be heard.

You stated that she had an ex husband?

by the wayh how did you find out about it? If He told you then it does bother him.

Was your nephew responsible for the breakup?

Its a pattern for his wife and she is obviously trying to get a rise out of him perhaps?

Anything to show that he cares enough to tell her to stop hurting him or a Divorce is imminent.
If she has no impulse control or thinks that she’s not getting what she wants it is wrong to get it elsewhere instead of talking to her life partner about it.

If anything HE needs counselling to find out why he feels that he should take all this pain in the loveless marriage.

Jonsblond's avatar

Every couple and situation is different. One thing you shouldn’t do is lecture your nephew. He already feels like crap and he doesn’t need to be reminded. It’s his life.

KNOWITALL's avatar

No one knows what happens in a marriage except the people involved.
My concern is why he is telling you intimate details if he doesn’t want help, advice or intervention, and I’d ask him that flat out.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@KNOWITALL Sorry, my answer was maybe, depends on the circumstances.

Glambarber's avatar

I wouldn’t even give him a second.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

It’s a her @Glambarber , not all cheater are men.

Response moderated (Spam)
Glambarber's avatar

@SQUEEKY2: In your case it’s a her, in my case it’s a him. The question reads “Would you give a cheating spouse a third chance?”, and a “you” question elicits an “I” answer. That’s what I was taught in school. We were also taught that someone who cheats is called a “cheat”, not a “cheater”.

Dutchess_lll's avatar

Are you new to social networking @Glambarber? It’s Squeeky’s question not yours.

Glambarber's avatar

@Dutchess_lll I know it’s Squeeky’s question, I addressed my last reply to Squeeky. Or hadn’t you noticed? Correcting “cheater” to “cheat” is not new, I’m sure that’s been done by others before.

jca2's avatar

@Glambarber: It just seems unnecessarily picky, since mostly everyone else (15 to 20) who responded seems to have gotten the gist.

Glambarber's avatar

@jca2: I don’t think it’s unnecessarily picky. Every website I go on tends to mangle the English language and it is not very nice.

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