General Question

luigirovatti's avatar

How do you solve this hypothetical situation about abuses and not going to the police?

Asked by luigirovatti (1826points) 1 week ago

I have later another situation for part 2, but, for the moment I’ll present this one, then the possible solutions. Here it goes:

You have a daughter and a husband that abuses you. You also have a dead mother and a father that everyone believes dead. You have no money. Not a penny of your own. You don’t even have your own bank account. If you walk out you wouldn’t be able to buy you and your daughter your next meal. Your father can’t help because his state pension barely gets him through the week. You can’t go to the police because you have no scars to show them. No bruises. If you go away your husband will find you. If you’re gonna live with your father, the fact that everyone, including your best friend, thinks your father is dead, and you write “mother and father deceased” on forms, your husband would sue for custody of your daughter. So, what do you do?


1) You contact associations against abuses, but it takes time for the complaint, not to mention the mitigating circumstances, the appeal, etc.
2) You ask your father to pretend to kidnap the daughter, and, at the end, you leave her in a crowded place, and you make her go to the police asking her to tell it was the husband that kidnapped her
3) You talk to the police anyway, as they’ll believe the kid, but it is a stretch, because, what if your daughter is, let’s say, 1-year-old? She can’t express herself.

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5 Answers

jca2's avatar

I would go to a Domestic Violence shelter. You don’t need bruises. No proof needed for the abuse. Food and shelter is taken care of.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Go stay with a friend or cousin. There are usually extended family or friends to help. Your church may help.
To me the problem is not money as much as flipping the switch in your mind from staying and being abused to empowered and I deserve better. When love is involved women tend to forgive over and over until you push them too far one day.
In other words its not where do you go with no money, its SHOULD I go this time.

cookieman's avatar

What @jca2 Said.

Here in Boston, you could go to Rosie’s Place (for example). Food, shelter, and help for women and their children. No proof of abuse needed. They won’t disclose that you’re there.

Once settled there, file a temporary restraining order with family court. They’re easy to get with little to no proof.

Now, use that time to get a job. Shelter can help with that. Put away some money. See if not-really-dead-Dad can lend you anything. Maybe a few bucks from another relative or friend.

Meanwhile, look into getting into a similar shelter and a job in another state. Once approved and you have a little money put away, get you and your daughter on a bus and disappear. Do not tell anyone where you’re going. Just go.

ragingloli's avatar

Someone is going to have an unfortunate accident.

Patty_Melt's avatar

I drove a cab. I know for certain that in my city, abuse shelters will pay for a cab. You need to contact the shelter, and they arrange for the cab.
I picked up a woman once who had to wait for her abusive, drunk husband to pass out. When I got the call I was told to arrive dark, no honking, wait however long. She came out with two kids in pajamas, one was being carried because he was still asleep. She had a garbage bag for belongings.
They have you go to a hotel for at least one night, so they can be sure you won’t be followed.

All shelters/organizations have their own routine s, but mostly they are pretty much the same.
Lots of women need to be rescued sometime, so usually all the bases are covered.

There is no need to be larcenous.

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