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SergeantQueen's avatar

If somebody doesn't talk to you for 2 weeks, would you assume they are done with you?

Asked by SergeantQueen (10432points) 1 month ago

After this guy said he wanted to talk about things over the phone he just ghosts me like an asshole.

He was a hookup but then kept changing his mind. Never made it clear that he wanted me just for sex so I got confused. Said he didn’t want me anymore, then said we should talk over phone, then ghosted.

He is like 47 or something around there.

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14 Answers

canidmajor's avatar

I would think pro-actively, and decide to be done with him, that behavior is rude and juvenile.

lastexit's avatar

Where are you meeting these guys? Are you using dating sites, tinder, facebook? It’s so easy to portray yourself as something you are not when using online dating or hook up sites. He could have been married and decided he didn’t want to go through with the hook up. It happens.

Establish some boundaries for yourself. Meet a guy for coffee or some other public space first. Get to know each other. Let him know what you want and date or meet up a few more times before you plunge into anything. The guy you’re describing sounds shady. I wouldn’t waste another minute on him. If a guy starts jerking you around like that, nip it in the bud by dumping him. You deserve better.

jca2's avatar

I would be done with him. I wouldn’t assume he’s done with me – fuck that. I wouldn’t care if he thought it was ok for him to act that way, I wouldn’t put up with it and I would be done. Buh bye.

elbanditoroso's avatar

A 21 year old with a 47 year old is creepy.

SergeantQueen's avatar

@elbanditoroso that was not the question

elbanditoroso's avatar

@SergeantQueen I agree, but a 26 year age difference amplifies the odd and un-understood behavior.

stanleybmanly's avatar

The confusion for me is that you’re sharp enough to know better. What entitles you to damage yourself?

give_seek's avatar

There are two questions more important than the one you asked:
1) Why do you care what an asshole, hookup thinks?
2) Why are confused by what a hookup really wants?
3) Why aren’t you done with HIM?

OK . . . so, that’s three.

SergeantQueen's avatar

1) I thought he was a good person.

2) he did not make it clear he wanted just a hookup. I had asked on multiple occasions what he wanted, and I even stated that I wanted a relationship, and not once did he say he wanted only sex. He said he didn’t want me to feel used for sex and other things that made me confused because, you would be clear about it if someone is telling you they want something you don’t want. If I just want sex, and the other person is saying they want more, I’d tell them right away that I don’t. So That I don’t hurt them or confuse them or lead them on.

I have not communicated with him in like 3 weeks (now). So I guess I am done with him. I was asking because the last conversation we had, sounded like he was going to call me and stuff. Not ghost for 2+ weeks. I was confused is all.

stanleybmanly's avatar

Where are the boys you go to school or work with? Were you reared in a convent or prison? Have you no girlfriends for reference points? No friends in relationships you consider healthy?

SergeantQueen's avatar

I don’t know many people in healthy relationships that I would be comfortable communicating with.

Why do I have to be judged so harshly on the ages specifically? What if I am just not interested in guys my age? How does it really affect things? Are guys my age really that different? probably not.

stanleybmanly's avatar

You’re right. The age thing is in truth irrelevant, although a 50 year old man preying on a vulnerable 19 year old girl is to me despicable. But 50 or 15, YOU must drive the decision. The answer to why do men dog me is “You give them permission.”

jca2's avatar

@SergeantQueen: The age is an issue because most men who want a legitimate relationship do not want a woman who is just out of high school.

If you tell these guys you want a real relationship and they agree that’s what they want, apparently they’re just agreeing for the sake of being agreeable, until they get what they want, and then they take off. If they said “oh no, I just want sex” you’d likely not have sex with them and that would not help them achieve their goal. They’re liars. They’re lying to you to get what they want.

Aster's avatar

No; I would not assume any guy is done with you after two weeks.

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