What are the pros and cons of publicly being who you are?

Rich, poor, gay, passing as a member of the dominant culture when you really aren’t, a confidence man, abused, mentally ill, an artist, a deviant, a cancer victim, an ex-con, an adulterer, a pregnant teen…..

Often, it seems to me, that it is safer to hide who you are, than to come out about it. Most of the things I mentioned have been stigmatized at one time, or still are stigmatized to a greater or lesser degree. Even if you’ve reformed, it may not be safe to come out. A reformed adulterer? Who will believe you?

It seems to me there are many reasons to hide things, and most of them have to do with the way people treat you when they know. It also seems to me that it can be very healthy not to hide things, and to fully be whoever you are—if it doesn’t cost too much.

I carry big secrets, and I am very afraid to let people close to me know about them, even though they are no fault of my own. I know they would shun me. But it would be such a relief not to have to hide what’s going on with me. Not from my parents and siblings, not from my employer, not from my oldest friends. In truth, only people who know can be close to me. So it hurts, but still some contact, even in a limited way, is better than none at all, although I can’t be certain that would be their response.

A lot of people say they don’t care about what others think. I wonder how they get to this place. I’m not sure I believe it. But they seem so strong, and comfortable with themselves. I can’t imagine that. I would not be able to survive without other people. They seem to be perfectly content to be pariahs.

So, what am I missing here? On both sides. What are the benefits about coming out, and not hiding yourself. What are the potential dangers. How do you balance them and arrive at your decision?