General Question

janbb's avatar

Would you go to an in-person funeral in these times?

Asked by janbb (61331points) August 14th, 2020

A friend’s mother just passed and the funeral is next Saturday. I know the church but not many details yet. He is a fairly recent friend from the neighborhood and we are in a book club together.

I have been seeing friends outside but not gone to anything that is inside or a crowd. I feel some desire to “show up” for him but don’t want to put myself in jeopardy.

I just made a quiche that I am giving to him today and may offer to bake for the repast but am wondering about going to the funeral.

I’ll make up my own mind as usual but curious to hear the range of thoughts from the community.

Putting it in General; you know what that means.

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17 Answers

SQUEEKY2's avatar

Depends on who the person was to me.
But I would rather not.

chyna's avatar

I’ve had 2 people that I knew through church that died recently. One had a service and the other didn’t. I would have gone to the service pre Covid, but didn’t because I am high risk. The funeral home had a live stream so I attended from home.

canidmajor's avatar

I wouldn’t go, but I would likely do as you are thinking, offering food and condolences.

zenvelo's avatar

Depends how close the person was and what the arrangements are.

My parish told us they will hold memorials of up to 60 attendees (it is a big church); any more they would hold on the ball field outside that has circles drawn for social distancing.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

We are experiencing very high numbers here in Hawaii, and many are clusters from funerals. People did not socially distance, and they hugged.

I would not go to an in person funeral. I would offer condolences.

janbb's avatar

I’m leaning towards not going. He was just here to pick up the quiche and seemed ok. I will see him on Monday night and may tell him.

Aster's avatar

Yes; I just attended a funeral on June 2nd but it was held outdoors under a pavllion. None of the attendees became ill and almost none wore a mask. Afterwards, most of us went to my daughter’s home for sandwiches, etc and sat outside on her very large covered back porch.

Jeruba's avatar

Only if paying tribute to the person were worth risking my life and the lives of my family members.

kruger_d's avatar

I missed two in June, an elderly friend and a student. My impulse was to go, but I was also recuperating, and it would have been unwise regardless. Now I would attend only for a family member or if outdoors.

filmfann's avatar

How can you not support the family and friends?

cookieman's avatar

I did recently, but the funeral home had it set up as a in-one-door, out-the-other assembly line, kind of thing. Masks on, of course. Visitors were set in a line, 8–10 feet apart, and you progressed toward the family, who was behind velvet ropes. No hugging, only affectionate waving. Then you paused at the deceased (who was cremated in an urn, surrounded by flowers, said a prayer or whatever — and then proceeded out the other door and back to your car.

Later, at the cemetery, only the immediate family circled the grave site, on foot. Everyone else was parked nearby, windows slightly open, so you could hear the priest give his sermon (he was amplified over a little PA system).

I was half expecting people to honk their horns at the end, but we refrained.

jca2's avatar

If it was someone really close, like a relative or close friend, then yes.

Someone else, most likely not.

JLeslie's avatar

If the person left behind (your friend in this case) needed support and it was within an hour, yes I would probably go. I might only go to the graveside rather than attending a service, it would depend on the specific situation. Needing support means they won’t have anyone else there who is their relative or friend. People their who are there to mourn the person who died is different than being there for the surviving spouse.

We just lost the husband of a very dear friend. We were friends with him too, but the wife is like family to us. She loves my husband like he is her own child. If covid was not here we would have driven or flown to North Carolina without question, I’m in Florida. With covid, we didn’t go. She has a daughter, grandchildren, and many siblings, and so she was not alone.

The church did “Facebook live” for the service and we all watched it live and wrote messages and sent hearts. It actually was great that so many of us from around the country could watch and be together virtually. Three other close friends from our “group” were watching from Canada, Texas, and another part of North Carolina, plus additional people who I don’t know.

Check to see if the place doing the service will be doing zoom or Facebook. I wonder if you can find out how many people are already attending in person. Maybe the location has information regarding covid if you want to consider going.

Most people I know who have had deaths during covid only invited family to services, and extremely close friends who they have known for many years.

raum's avatar

We attended a funeral over zoom. If I passed away, the last thing I would want would be for my friends and family to congregate in the middle of a pandemic.

Though if it were set up similarly to the one that @cookieman attended, I would attend. Otherwise I would try to extend my sympathy and support in other ways.

jca2's avatar

I think to myself, “is the deceased going to know whether or not I went out of my way to attend the services?” If your support is for the family, you can bake something and send it over with a nice card and offer of condolences.

mazingerz88's avatar

I would go depending on how deeply I feel about the deceased. But in light of the dire situation these days re the virus it is most likely I would not. I work with people highly vulnerable to the virus.

I would make up for it by visiting the resting place later.

janbb's avatar

I only met the deceased once so I have no need to visit her resting place. I am friendly with her son who seems to be dealing with her death calmly and I gave him food yesterday. I have decided I will stay away from the funeral. I’m going to tell him that I won’t attend the funeral but I’ll bake for the repast or company if wanted.

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