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Bellezzz's avatar

Do you like your partner to initiate?

Asked by Bellezzz (88points) August 15th, 2020 from iPhone

So I am wondering if you also like your partner to initiate taking you out to places, bothways or that does not affect your relationship whatsoever?

My boyfriend is the type that if I say let’s go walk to the beach, or let’s go bathe in the beach, he would say: “sure yeah let’s go”, I say ok so at what time? He would reply: whenever you want, or he would just say whatever you want to do!

So my issue is, that I would like him to be the one to spontaneously initiate and be the one who says these things to me,cause sometimes it just makes me feel like if he doesn’t care about me, so would this make you feel the same way, or do you think I am just giving it way to much importance?

Can this actually mean that he does not care about the relationship and he is just bored or not?

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8 Answers

kritiper's avatar

If I had a partner, yes. It avoids so many misunderstandings.
If your boyfriend had more self esteem, he would initiate more. And, like me, he sounds as though he is easy to please and likes to please you.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I have a tendency to date/befriend people-pleaser types and I realize it’s given me short patience for people who never make decisions. I am quite rigid in what I like and don’t like and what I want to do and won’t do, etc, so I think a lot of people are quick to bend to that. I don’t actually want to make all of the decisions, I just happen to know what I like and what I want. A lot of people don’t and that can get really old in a relationship. Usually it’s because the other person genuinely just wants to make you happy or they genuinely don’t know what they like/want/need. And that in itself can be a bigger issue, albeit common, in my experience.

cookieman's avatar

I know this drives some people nuts, but some of us (me, maybe your BF) really don’t care where we go or when — we’re just happy to be spending time with the person we love.

I will however say no to an idea if I really don’t want to do it, but that’s pretty rare.

Bellezzz's avatar

@Kritiper, Yes that’s exactly the word “ people pleaser” he is way too much of this, he just can’t say no.

@cookieman, I agree, if my bf does not want to go somewhere, he will just say :” it’s too far, I just don’t want to go there” but it’s very rare.

@ANef is Enuf Yes I can see this, but sometimes it just makes me wonder if he is really invested in the relationship or if he is losing interest. Maybe I am misunderstanding the whole thing and it’s just his ways.

Response moderated (Unhelpful)
LuckyGuy's avatar

It could be he enjoys most everything and you have demonstrated that there are things you don’t. In the past have his suggestions been repeatedly rejected or overruled or not turned out well? It only takes a few times for him to realize life is easier and more fun for both of you if he does what you want to do.
E.g. He might say Let’s go out to dinner. You might say, No ,I had a big lunch today.
Or Shall we go to XYZ restaurant? I don’t like that one because the food was too spicy.
Or Let’s go to the beach. Id’ rather not. It’s too hot .
Or Let’s go to the library. I’d rather not. It might rain
If you reject too many suggestions he will tend to not make others..

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

@Bellezzz is there a change in his behavior? Or is it possible you’re feeling insecure and projecting that onto him? That’s a difficult thing to answer, because both are possibilities. If it’s just the way he is, I wouldn’t read into it. If he’s suddenly acting differently then it might warrant a discussion, but even then you have to consider what’s going on in other people’s lives that might cause them to put less effort into a relationship.

Bellezzz's avatar

@ANef is Enuf , I agree but he has in the past year gone through some stuff, when him and I met, he was fit, because in his past job he was very active, but then he accepted a new better paying job and it’s more on the relax side, he doesn’t take much care of himself anymore, he loves eating junk ( he still looks good for his age, don’t get me wrong.

Maybe like you said he doesn’t feel hapoy in his job ( he has told me this) and perhaps it’s affecting him, I really don’t know but I just hope that he is not making me waste my time, cause to be honest I don’t feel secure in this relationship, some people will tell me I don’t have a future with him, that he will never get married, have kids, and this is really kicking in and making me feel worse.

He is very dispersed, if he travels for work he will tell me oh if everything goes fine, I will be back by Friday and then he just doesn’t come back by friday but instead on Monday. This really makes me think does he really cares about me, does he love me? I don’t know perhaps I overthink too much.

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