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arcoarena's avatar

How do I meet new people, preferably a new girlfriend, but new friends as well?

Asked by arcoarena (692points) September 5th, 2008

So against previous fluther advice I started seeing my ex-girlfriend again only to be hurt again as one day she is very nice and the next she completely ignores me. I think I need to go out and meet new people. I have friends now but they pretty much only enjoy drinking which I do enjoy but not 4–5 nights a week anymore.

Not to sound cocky but I am a fun, compassionate, sweet, fairly attractive and intelligent guy and I deserve more than she is willing to give me.

I enjoy computers mostly mac stuff, video games, having fun, being outdoors, talking about stuff, esp philosophy and psychology, drinking and partying, but pretty much anything fun. i am very open.

where can I meet people with similar interests?

Girl or guy I could really use a close friend that I didn’t have to get drunk to hang out with…

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10 Answers

JackAdams's avatar

Frequent places where people who share your likes/dislikes are present.

For example, your religious institution, your clubs, or places that hold a special interest for you.

Many years ago, I met a very lovely girl, just because we happened to both be attending the same event in Salem, Massachsetts.

We were watching a witch being burned.

September 5, 2008, 12:03 PM EDT

EmpressPixie's avatar

Do you enjoy writing?

If you do, NaNoWriMo happens in November. I know, I know, it’s a long way off. Still, NaNoWriMo is a GREAT way to meet people. And you get a novel out of it! NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month. It’s actually international at this point. The goal is to write a novel in 30 days. It’s fast paced, but basically cannot be done without support.

So the website is more or less geared towards helping you find support. One of the main ways to do that is by attending write-ins. You go and meet a group of people and write for however long in that location—cafes, houses, bars, bookstores, wherever. At write-ins, you get to talk to people, hear about their novels, make friends, etc. I’m actually currently dating someone I met during NaNoWriMo so I can personally attest to this method of making friends even as, like, the most shy person on earth.

I used NaNoWriMo as a way to do something I’d always wanted to do and find friends in a new city. It’s super fun, has a few parties, has great get togethers, and gives you great opportunities.

Now, aside from that I recommend taking classes that you are interested in. I’m less excited about that, but I hear it works just as well.

marissa's avatar

Volunteer, seriously, find a cause/issue/concern that you care about and volunteer in some aspect that addresses what you care about. You will meet people that care about something that you care about and for the most part volunteers are kind, caring, generous people. Qualities that are good to have in a person you are dating. Plus since you are all there for a common cause, the focus is on the cause not on each other and dating, so it makes it a less stressful or ackward and gives you time to get to know folks without feeling the pressure to ask them out right away or not.

poofandmook's avatar

As far as friends, that can be more difficult. But love interests… I met my boyfriend on It sounds like the ultimate cheese factor, but we’ve been together for nearly 2 years.

bodyhead's avatar

I’m with marissa, volunteering is a great way to meet new people. The pro of that is that if you meet women who are also volunteering, then you know they already care about something besides themselves.

I would recommend just getting out more. Go to an art opening. Scan your local paper for interesting things that are going on in the area. Try some new things. You might consider jujitsu or a gun club. It’s not for everyone but you have to be totally sober (especially as a beginner) to shoot and to take someone down.

lercio's avatar

Take a night class, preferably in something that appeals to women.

marinelife's avatar

In your profile, you mention you like football. What about finding a fantasy football league in your area? Go to a sports bar to watch a game and start chatting with people.

Since you like the outdoors, look in the paper or online for local Volksmarches or hikes, hiking clubs, trail clean-up efforts, or biking groups or rides.

Invite co-workers and friends to a party at your house and ask that each person bring one person or couple that you do not know.

I am afraid I disagree with EmpressPixie about NaNoWriMo. If you do it, you will too busy to meet people much.

Good luck!

buster's avatar

Get a cute dog. Take the dog to the park. Preferably a dog park or other park you see girls frequenting. Girls that would have never talked to you before will approach you and want to tell you how cute your dog is. Flip the script and start talking about her. People love to talk about themselves. Here is the hardest part. Get that phone number!

JackAdams's avatar

A puppy is better as a “babe magnet” than a dog.

Also, $50 bills are good, too.

September 5, 2008, 5:39 PM EDT

EmpressPixie's avatar

@Marina, NaNoWriMo got me a boyfriend. I think you just have to take a semi-relaxed view to it and throw yourself into the social aspects.

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