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SergeantQueen's avatar

How do I stop getting so fixated on people?

Asked by SergeantQueen (11751points) October 13th, 2020

I meet people online and sometimes I just get so caught up in them that I abandon all my responsibilities and such just to talk to them, and I get so upset when they don’t respond back or like me back. One person who I wasn’t really super interested in in the first place was very nice and said he didn’t want a relationship, and honestly I didn’t either. But I got so upset over it I attempted suicide because I just took everything he said to mean I am worthless. That is obviously not what he said.

I end up texting a lot or calling if they don’t respond back after a while and I just get so worried that I did something.

It’s like everything in my life gets put on hold and all I care about is this person and their happiness and acceptance and all I want is for them to care about me. I get so obsessive where all I want is to make this person happy that I don’t care if I lose sleep or anything I just want someone else to be happy.
And when they aren’t in to me it’s like the end of the world and it just ruins my whole day.

I don’t eat, sleep well, or do anything I enjoy because this person rejected me. I just give everything I have in these stupid little flings and it just leaves me hurt all the time.

But the happiness I feel when I’m talking to someone is really nice and I keep trying to chase that feeling too.

It’s unhealthy. I don’t know how to stop.

All these feelings are just so intense and sometimes I get convinced that my life is nothing without them and that they are the only one for me.

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6 Answers

gorillapaws's avatar

You need professional counseling if you’re having suicidal thoughts, let alone making attempts. National Suicide Hotline: 800–273-8255

I should just leave it at that, and it’s probably irresponsible to say anything else. But I’m going to be be irresponsible anyways and offer my interpretation. I am not a mental health expert, so take that for what its worth.

With that out of the way, I’ll just say that it sounds like you have very low self-worth and are looking for others to validate that you’re a person who is worthy of affection. Other people giving you positive attention and affection feels good when you’re in a weak place. It lifts your spirits up. Maybe this need is from your childhood/parent situation, maybe it’s related to your previous relationship where the guy took advantage of you, a combination of both or other things too. Ultimately we need to derive our sense of self-worth from ourselves, not from other people. That takes time and work through therapy to develop.

Ultimately, the point is that you are absolutely worthy of affection, and always remember that your presence makes the world a better place. Humankind is better off with you in our “tribe” than as a memory. Also remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Good luck, please get professional help. We care about you.

janbb's avatar

I had a pattern somewhat like that for a few years – not as much online, although there was one major crush, but with two guys whom I pursued who only wanted me as a friend. Like you, I enjoyed the rush of being with them but it distorted all the rest of my life and the downs were really down. I have decided that I am not going to look for a relationship now because it is too destructive to my well-being and just focus on myself and friends. I am much more balanced.

You’re younger than I and I realize that you probably would like a boyfriend at some point but I think until you’re stronger in yourself, you should not be looking to connect with anyone online.

KNOWITALL's avatar

I would honestly really suggest seeking a diagnosis with a mental health professional.

A lot of people have a tendency to get obsessive in relationships, and that in itself isn’t abnormal.

Putting those tentative relationships before your responsibilities as well as suicidal thoughts, are not normal.

I’d put all love relationships and communication on a temporary hold until you can find out what is going on in your brain right now. When you’re more healthy, there will still be plenty of fish out there (see what I did there?!)

Nomore_lockout's avatar

As my old Pappy used to say, a person is like a train. Miss the first one they’ll another along in a few minutes.

janbb's avatar

^^ Methinks your old Pappy was pretty inane.

Nomore_lockout's avatar

@janbb or, I just make that crap up out of whole cloth ; )

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