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crazyguy's avatar

Do you agree with men who use the biological difference to justify extra-marital sex?

Asked by crazyguy (3197points) November 13th, 2020

Men are wired differently from women.

According to

“The majority of adult men under 60 think about sex at least once a day, reports Laumann. Only about one-quarter of women say they think about it that frequently. As men and women age, each fantasize less, but men still fantasize about twice as often. is one reason viagra works for men, but there isn’t anything similar for women. Simply put, a woman’s sexual interest is a combination of many physical and emotional factors, while a man’s is straightforward.

One recent study, linked below, has found that:

“The reality is that while married men have more affairs than married women –The difference is not that great.”

This quote and a few others below were taken from an excellent blog:

Another quote:

“The other reality is that while extra-marital affairs by definition involve a romantic and emotional relationship that has a sexual or sexualized component, research suggests that sexual drive is not the primary reason married men have affairs.”

The most interesting statement made by the author (to me anyway) is the following:

” I suggest that one overlooked reason that men find themselves in the midst of an extramarital affair is that men don’t talk!”

What do you think?

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25 Answers

KNOWITALL's avatar

I personally don’t think anything justifies an extramarital affair without your partners consent.

But I would say the biggest reason I hear is that many are in platonic, long-term marriages for various reasons like health, emotional seperation, etc…. Especially here in the more religious areas where divorce is not an option for many.

I also don’t believe that all men think about it more than all women. Many women just aren’t as open about their needs and the marital bedroom is extremely private.

gorillapaws's avatar

Its about the betrayal of trust, not about the polyamory IMO. If partners freely agree (without coercion from their culture or partner) to whatever arrangement they want, then there’s no harm done. It’s when people lie to each other that there’s a concern.

Nomore_lockout's avatar

What the hell ever. I’m no snow white angel but I’ve never cheated on my wife and never intend to. But whatever flips your wig I suppose.

elbanditoroso's avatar

Men (and women) don’t live up to their promises. The biological rationale is a crock. It’s a post-facto rationalization of something they did.

Sure, I think of sex multiple times a day. But I have the backbone and moral strength not to act on the thoughts.

filmfann's avatar

I doubt the premise.
The women I know think about sex every day, though I am sure they don’t dwell on it.

LostInParadise's avatar

I am not sure what your point is. The quotes contradict one another. You say that men dwell on the physical aspects of sex, but then you say that sex drive is not the main reason that men have extra-marital affairs. You also say that the difference between the number of extra-marital affairs between men and women is not that great.

kritiper's avatar

A lousy excuse!

seawulf575's avatar

I think they use the excuse “I’ve only got 10’ of rope in the garage!” I mean, after all, when a guy wants to do something, one excuse is as good as the next, right? The question they dodge is “Why did you get married if all you wanted to do was have sex with many women?” Or maybe “Would you like it if your wife decided that she wanted sex from some other guy?” Or even “What is it about this other woman that makes her grounds for adultery?” None of these really have a good answer from a guy.

kritiper's avatar

Be it men or women, one concept I can’t grasp is “casual sex.”

Blackberry's avatar

An agreement between partners is different, but most people simply cheat for a lot of dumb reasons.
The people I’ve seen brag about cheating are really dumb and ego driven and just kinda emotionally weak. They’re easily led and don’t have the maturity to say no.

A long time ago I heard a great argument that basically said, if all those smart attractive women and men out there can turn down advances 5 times a week, then so can others.
I think some people cheat because they have low self esteem and can’t handle not being in the spotlight anymore.
Some younger person or just anyone that will pay attention to them is enough.

I won’t highhorse it and say they’re all bad, as life is hard and people succumb to many things like drugs, drinking, speeding, shopping or credit cards etc.

JLeslie's avatar


All the men I know who are chronic cheaters were raised by cheating fathers and they knew the mistresses. It was a way of life.

Chronic cheaters are different than men who cheat one time, and there are men who never cheat.

cookieman's avatar

No. That’s a lame excuse. If you’re going to cheat, at least have the balls to say it was a choice.

ragingloli's avatar

There is a difference between an explanation and an excuse.
Sure, you can explain your infidelity with your overpowering libido, but it does not justify you choosing to give in to your urges over you knowing that it is wrong to do so.
Just like no judge would acquit me of murder after I cut someone’s head off, because “he made me angry”.

jca2's avatar

In thinking about this, I’ve always wondered if we as a species are not meant to be monogamous because it’s something many people of all genders struggle with. Some do, some don’t, for a whole range of reasons.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I don’t think we’re meant to be monogamous. I believe that custom came about to protect women.

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dabbler's avatar

@ragingloli makes a good point, “There is a difference between an explanation and an excuse”
Yeah, people have strong sexual urges and that might explain their behavior but doesn’t excuse breaking vows.

@Dutchess_III “that custom came about to protect women.” – from what I can tell historically it’s more like protecting property rights, the women being the property.

FYI, I’m married (25 years) and find a lot that is rewarding about a committed relationship. But the legal sides of thing compounds problems when people are trying to work out normal (sometimes difficult) phases of relationships. As it’s been said before, it should be much harder to get married than it is, and much easier to get divorced than it is.

si3tech's avatar

Is there a “justification” for extra marital sex?

ragingloli's avatar

Swinger Clubs.
Making cuckoldry videos on Pornhub.
Your husband being Donald Drumpf.

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Dutchess_III's avatar

IMO the answer is “NO!” @si3tech, especially when you’ve promised not to.

Nomore_lockout's avatar

I don’t want to sound like some puritan hedge priest, but I think a lot of the problems with our society is that people don’t take their wedding vows seriously anymore. Its like the line in that song, I forget the title and artist, but something about: “If love wasn’t made, to last forever, then what is forever for?” Just my own two cents.

jca2's avatar

@Nomore_lockout: I think people of all genders were committing adultery for as long as marriage was an institution.

Nomore_lockout's avatar

@jca2 Maybe so, maybe so.

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