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chelle21689's avatar

Should I tell my husband I had to contact my ex?

Asked by chelle21689 (7883points) November 21st, 2020 from iPhone

I stumbled upon a super old Flickr account I had because I wanted to look at my old photogphy and then I realized my ex had this photo of me up on his account still. It was a photo shoot we did, a little risqué, but he had photoshopped it to make me look like I was bottomless. Though it had been 10 years since we were together and his account hasn’t been active in years, I wanted that photo down.

I contacted my ex and asked if he remembered the password and if he could remove it. Of all the times I decide to contact him, he found out that his brother was found dead and decomposed. Out of respect for my husband I kept it short and gave my condolences and thanked him for taking care of removing the photo.

I hadn’t done anything wrong but I felt like it was wrong of me to even talk to my ex and I feel guilty. I also felt dirty for having this photo taken of me. I usually tell my husband every single thing and I want to tell him about this but don’t know if there’s any point and if it would only make him worry.

Thoughts? Get it off my chest or keep it to myself if no harm done?

TLDR: Had to contact my ex but feel guilty even though it’s nothing breaking trust.

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16 Answers

Nomore_lockout's avatar

My first thought was that’s a tough one but then again, I see where you’re coming from. It might have been better to tell your current spouse about the picture, and then see what he advised. Anyways it was 10 years ago and a previous relationship , hopefully he won’t get all bent out of shape about it. But it’s already done so I say let it go. Just my own two cents.

chelle21689's avatar

@Nomore_lockout Even if my husband didn’t care if it was on there, I cared. It was unlikely it would be damaging my reputation but I hated the thought of it being in there for anyone to see. At the time being younger I didn’t care but being older, it’s a different feeling. I just share everything with him do I feel like it’s a secret if I don’t tell him but there’s a possibility he would e upset that I even did photos like this.

Nomore_lockout's avatar

Well I don’t know then. Not meaning to be a smart ass but I’m not Doctor Phil and relationship advice isn’t my stock in trade. You were young, we all do dumb shit when we’re young. But only you know your hubby so if you think he might react badly or get upset then maybe it would be best not to say anything. Maybe you should get advice from your female friends or from one of the ladies in Fluther. I don’t want to be responsible for ruining someone’s marriage because of my dip stick advice.

chelle21689's avatar

@Nomore_lockout Thanks lol. I don’t think it’s like I am going to break his trust but I don’t want to hurt him at all if this photo makes him feel any type of way is all.

Nomore_lockout's avatar

I know what you mean different people have different reactions. I still think you should ask.around a bit more before you take action. Has to be someone you can talk to. Good luck with it.

Zaku's avatar

Unless you had an agreement with your husband not to contact your ex, I don’t think you should have much to fear. If you do, that’s worth engaging to fix it.

Being completely honest and open in relationships is invaluable and creates peace and workability, trust and well-being. Withholding things has the opposite effect – it lingers and accumulates sour energy that gets worse the longer it’s withheld.

chelle21689's avatar

@Zaku I already feel the energy, I think I’ll casually bring it up tomorrow. Thanks for the input.

SEKA's avatar

I believe in total honesty with a spouse; however, I think that I would have chosen to discuss it with him before contacting the ex. Something that would have been you being honest with him and you asking him to help you solve a dilemma might be twisted in his mind as your “need” to contact the ex. At the same time with the guilt that you are carrying, I feel it is best that you open up to him ASAP rather than waiting any longer which could lead open to interpretation that you “have a reason” to hide the reason for contact.

chelle21689's avatar

@SEKA Thank you, i will.

seawulf575's avatar

I’d tell him. It was old news. You left your ex at some time in the past and your husband was the winner. You reaching out to him was not about trying to get back together or anything like that. It was about trying to clean up something you regret from your past. Now..if you have your ex on speed dial or could recite his number by memory, there might be another issue. But just to get rid of an embarrassing photo? Tell him.

Jaxk's avatar

Let sleeping dogs lie. Nothing to see here and nothing to be gained. I would not want to be told or to open some potential aggravating discussion about your ex. Even if it comes up months or years later there was never anything to feel guilty about. Let it go.

chelle21689's avatar

Lol I just told my husband and he was like “oh ok”. He didn’t even care. Lmao

SEKA's avatar

^^^ He’s a keeper

kritiper's avatar

It would probably be best. Honesty is always the best policy.
See? I was right! And he loves you all the more for your openness.

JkrbyPlylsts's avatar

If you honestly just contacted him somehow to remove it that is fine as the picture was doctored and you had a problem with it. Just normal chit chat. If there was anything else, I would tell him but here it’s just self preservation over a fraudulent picture. But the fact you still had his contact information is something you might want to think about.

bernd's avatar

Keep it to yourself or tell him the whole truth, it can’t be a case for a divorce.

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